Hahaha I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! You’re so smart!!!
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Thanks… I have my moments. 
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TRIGGER WARNING ED
Checking in
Substance free for 904 days
Sugar free for 40 days
Self injury free for 424 days
This week I will be wrapping up 7 months worth of therapy which I have mixed feelings about. I went into this 7 months ago in an awful place with my eating disorder and I have managed to get into a more comfortable position. BUT there is always a but… I don’t feel stable. Because I have been “presenting so well” ( I hate it when mental health professional say that) a lot of my supports have let me go. I am struggling with digestion of my food which is common for people with ED when they start to eat or hold their food again. The feeling of fullness is a trigger for me so the feeling of being over full or not being able to use the bathroom (sorry for the details) is very, very triggering. Laxatives were something that I abused in my teens before anorexia got me so it’s all just a fucking big ass trigger. I would not say that I have been abusing anything to help my system but I am starting to obsess about not wanting to eat because I don’t want to feel full or not be able to go to the washroom. It’s so fucked. I have completely ruined my system and now it’s a vicious cycle trying to get my organs to work properly again. Anyways, here I am being open and honest about it. Shedding light on the darkness inside me because if I don’t it will take me down. I think that I will shoot my counselor a text and tell her i would like some support because I don’t feel safe yet.
Thanks for the part you guys play in my recovery.
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Oh honey, I’m so glad you shared. I have zero experience with these issues so all I can do is be grateful you spoke up and offer my love. One thing though, have any of them spoke with you about any dietary changes to make that could help with the adjustment process? Foods to eat to help and foods to avoid for now?
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Funny how this is coming up several times lately! You’re not the only one!
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Lol I had the same thoughts but my sick addict mind went further. I was a meth head so would I write day 10026 MF? Lord, have mercy 
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Girl I’m so sorry ur having a tough time right now 
I’m glad u spoke about this. Even tho I don’t necessarily struggle with this form of ED, I can relate to the obsessive thinking of food and how it makes me feel etc. I too don’t like how supports tend to back off becuz they feel individuals are doing well. Recovery (for me anyway) isn’t a straight increasing line. It’s up and down… so even when things are going well, life can happen and thoughts can change or something can be triggering, and that support is needed again and in many diff stages of recovery. I am so proud of you for being so self aware and knowing that ur not quite feeling safe in this area just yet. They need to know this otherwise how can they help. I really hope and will pray that u get the ongoing support u need. Do they have an aftercare group in ur area that say meets up once a week to check in? I used to have an aftercare group after my last drug treatment program I was in and even an ongoing group for DBT back home. Maybe they have groups or support groups that can be attended for help with ED if u need. Idk. But im proud of you. This must be exhausting for u and u ARE making great progress! U ARE doing this! And I’m so glad u are aware of what you need 🫂
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Fleur…so glad you hung on. You and your sobriety are so important!!
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Yes I have been seen by a dietician a few times. I have also created a plethora of food intolerances over the years by inundating my body with certain foods. It was brought to my attention that when women are hormnal they should cycle their foods or this can easily happen. Good to know, but too late in my case. I get stuck on rituals and being very strict on eating specific foods when I eat. Anyways these intolerance add to making my intake difficult. All I really eat is fibrous foods, raw vegetables and fruit theses days, so one would think that I would be ok.
Thank you for your love, I will take it.
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Hahaha omg this is sooo funny! This could totally be a new thing lol I used to get tired of writing clean and sober, so I’d write C&S but I don’t think others know what that means lol
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Good for you!! Successful wedding that you actually remember. I’m going to a wedding on Saturday. Drinking, yes… but don’t expect it to be too bad. Meaning, I can avoid it. Because…I don’t drink!
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You should be!!
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I hope it’s a better day than yesterday. I doubt it. But I do have an Alanon meeting to look forward to either tonight or tomorrow. But it doesn’t matter if I’m depressed or happy or sad or whatever feeling comes my way.
I’m not drinking today. And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.
TS has been my only support and that’s why I’m on here daily. I couldn’t get where I am today without you all sharing and supporting me.
Thank you.
Especially you new kids. I need you here to help me stay sober. Keep sharing. It works if you work it and your worth it.
Just for today I will have a program. i may not follow it exactly, but I will have it
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Hey guys. Checking in day 24. Its been a while. I have been sick for the last 2 days having pain in the throat area, neck pain and headache. Today I am a little bit better.
I have been dealing with urges especially yesterday. I had them all day. I could have relapsed also but did not. I am having images and scenes popping in my mind. It may not be intense but it seems tempting and thats the trap.
I am telling myself to not fight the thoughts and let them be. They are not permanent and cannot harm me.
Have a great day guys. Peace.
@Dazercat hey. Congrats on reaching 900 days. Thats huge.
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Still moving through the day. It’s a steady day, not glamorous, a lot of little tasks around the home office, including cleaning my work car.
Using thoughts are swimming around my head. They are unwelcome. I am posting here to expose them to sunlight, to open air. Hiding them feeds them in the echo chamber of my mind. Getting them out, gets them out - of my head. Get lost, assholes.
Contacted a new therapist who is more specialized in my addiction. I need to dig into this more. This will help me get past this plateau. Working on it 
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Thank you for sharing, I’m thinking of you and sending you love.
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All I can say is CONGRATULATIONS and WOW!! You’re such an inspiration for so many out here, including myself! I hope you have an amazing day, even though yesterday wasn’t. As everyone has told me many times, ODAAT 
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Eric my wonderful friend… I am SOOOO proud of you!!! It hurts me to hear u hurting. U are a wonderful person and life truly just is hard some days. I’m sorry ur feeling down today is a new day and I really hope and pray that things improve for you. I dont know exactly what is going on but when I am discontent for whatever reason, it is usually due to a lack of acceptance in my life. They say acceptance is key 
it’s a hard one for me personally to do but I do find that when I accept people, places, and things exactly as they are in this moment, it does help with some inner peace for me as I am no longer “fighting” it and no longer trying to change it. U my friend have the power and the ability to view ur world from whatever way u choose it may be hard to be happy but sometimes the littlest tasks can make a huge impact, or stepping out of ourselves and helping others does wonders… even gratitude lists which I know u love to do! And from what I do know about ur story, ur incredibly strong. I’m proud of you for your recovery and your accomplishments. Will be praying for you today in hopes that u find some happiness and joy in ur day 🫂
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Congrats on 900! You’ve certainly earned it…
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Hey Eric! I’m sorry you’re so bummed out, you want to talk I’m always here for you. 900 days is just fantastic; remember you’re a winner and an inspiration to everybody even on days you don’t feel your best.
@Butterflymoonwoman I’m with you 
on the acceptance. It has been a constant thorn in my side as long as I’ve been trying to get sober. 
I honestly believe I could get out of the relapse cycle if I could just take life on life’s terms.
Have and happy and sober day, TS fam!
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