Congratulations to 8 freaking months! 
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@Mindymoo Iāve been catching up, and Miranda, Iām so sorry youāre going through that. Markās right, he wants his drinking buddy back. Are your finances fairly equal, hopefully you make more. And will he be expecting you to pay for all the childrenās expenses and he wants his party money separate? I canāt even imagine the stress youāre going through. Iām glad youāre getting away for the weekend. You need a break. Stay strong my friend, weāre here for you!! 
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Iām listening to an audio book set in Australia by an Australian author and narrated byā¦you guessed itā¦an Australian. Iām in stitches over the expressions.
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Unfortunately true 
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Good Morning, Day 18
Feeling incredibly happy. This week I have been going to bed at 10pm. I had been going to bed at 9-9:30 but this weeks schedule did not allowed for earlier bed times. I can see how badly alcohol was messing up my rest and ability to function the next. Those days going to bed at 10-10:30 I knew my next day was going to be terrible. Headaches, tired and just wanting to go home from work. Now it doesnāt face me. I get adequate rest and I am recharged the next day. Did I say I am happy!! Itās Friday and we are all getting ready for a long weekend. My beer and sugar cravings have subsided and I cant believe it. I thought that with the way I was thinking about beer the first week that things were not going to be this good this far in. I am starting to see some weight loss but also I am not as bloated. Win Win. I am looking forward to the weekend with family and good food. Lets make it a sober holiday weekend.
ODAAT 
@DryIn785 I am surprised. I thought it was going to take me longer to feel normal. I am glad to be having such positive experience.
@maxwell Hey sober sis!!! Congrats on the 20 day mile stone. Very happy for you.
@soberpete1 way to go!! 3 days is great. @Piglet86 Congrats to you as well on 6 days,
@Mindymoo I hope you have an amazing weekend. Some to relax enjoy. Do post some selfies on the other thread of your trip.
To everyone else thank you for reading my post and congrats to all on all your sober days and milestones. They donāt go unnoticed and for those of you with many days under your belt I truly admire that and give me the strength to keep pushing forward.
Love and light to all 
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Good morning all. Checking in on day 315. Last week or so has been very hectic and destroyed my routine which had left me with a ton of anxiety. Havenāt gone back to my clonezepam even though itās PRN i wonāt take it unless it is preventing me from finishing my work. I have been on them twice a day for seven years and started weaning myself off two months ago and now only take them maybe once every other week. Just feel is like another crutch so I am trying to eliminate that. Other than that I am really enjoying work, it is nice to be able to help people and get paid for it. My GPA dipped a little last week but should be able to get it back into the 90ās with a good paper this week. Hope all is well with everyone and take care!
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Itās been a helluva week. Iām grateful my husband has a three and a half day weekend and we can just spend time together. Im really glad he doesnāt have any beer brewing or bottling planned, too. Iām frankly exhausted at the moment, getting over a migraine from yesterday, but this was a treat to see today. Something compelled me to look at the tracker and Iām glad I did! 9 months binge free, 9 months taking full responsibility for myself, making a fresh start in regards to my husband and working to leave codependency behind. No tastes of his home brews, no allowing myself to feel guilty or like a ābad wifeā for not taking an interest in his passion, having the tough conversations and giving myself permission to set firm boundaries. Sometimes over and over again, but we are human and it can take practice (Iām referring to him, but I see Iām included in that too) lol!
Hang in there, amigos. Life is full of challenges, but it has the potential to also bring joy and peace and fun and laughter. A sober life offers more chances to really experience all of it fully. 
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I didnāt check in day 4, but here in the middle of Day 5 and I earned this dohickey
Day 4 was rough emotionally. I was missing the guy I met more than the drug. I talked with several friends and went to dinner with my mentor and just to rub it in, this song came on randomly and I ended up listening to it on repeat all night
@Mindymoo this might apply to you too!
āPerfect Illusionā by Lady Gaga.
Jist of yesterday, everyone I reached out to said I had to come terms that in my loneliness, and drug induced mental state, I attached myself to someone that ultimately is only going to prolong or worse cause me to relapse. I almost did too, I reached to my guy that hooks me up and thankfully, fell asleep instead.
I woke up to having earned my day 5 badge, and yes I still feel emotionally raw. But I made it though a rough day. Hereās hoping today will be better. I took extra care in getting ready this morning, and am wearing an outfit that makes me feel strong and confidentā¦
Looking forward to conquering this day.
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It does, and it also feels great to actually be able to sleep! I can walk around the office and look people in the eye, because I know I wonāt have red eyes or dark cycles.
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Checking in.
Substance free 915 days
Self injury free 435 days
Sugar free 51 days
I am feeling a few feelings this morning. My aunt is here visiting from England and to be honest I am not sure how much of my life she knows about. As I have shared before I hid my addiction very well from my family, everyone thought I was having a successful modeling career as I was living a life of crime. Even though there had been LOTS of obvious red flags ( paraphernalia in my bedroom, drug baggies etc) my parents still managed to bury their heads in the sand or just look the other way. Denial, denial, denial.
There was a topic that came up a dinner about one of my young cousin having an infection on his inner arms from scratching eczema, my aunt was worried it would scar his wrists. As she told the story she was mortified he might have to live with these scars on his arms as she nodded to us and said " you know what people might sayā¦" I sat across the table from her with my maimed arms, legs, hips, and just nodded. āYeah I know.ā
Itās been 5 years since I have been self injuring everyday. In the last 5 years I have had two small slips and they both didnāt feel ārightā. Every summer I sit outside in my shorts or my bathing suit and I get lost in my scars. They take me right back to the worst of my nights, to the desperate feelings I had. Sadness where the pain would not end. Rage where the anger I had towards myself needed out. Nothingness, complete numbness that would last for months and I just needed to know I was still alive.
5 long years but I am consntly triggered to self injure way more than to get loaded. I was triggered at the vet the other day when I knew my preferred ātoolā was in the drawer and I could have pocketed it. I was in a state of panic the other day when I suddenly realized I am in a relationship with someone who sees me without clothing, and I canāt hide injuries from them. I have talked to my sponsor about all of this but interestingly enough she had to ask, " How are you?"
and instead of answering straight away I took a moment to sit with the question. I would have said ," Iām great!" in a knee jerk response to avoid discomfort. Instead I got uncomfortable.
I have said it many times to people who have relapsed and get stuck on losing days. The people who canāt get themselves out of that shame cycle, I was one of them 15 years ago and I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson that my addict grabs ahold of that shame and grounds me. I got so stuck in shame of a relapse, I lost myself for way too long and I almost lost my life. I have learned that recovery is a process; and no recovery and abstinence are not the same not even close. Recovery however happens over many, many years and days of abstinence are days of clarity that give you the best opportunity to recover.
I have abstained from self injuring for 1,820 out of 1,822 days and that my friends is a miracle.
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Big congratulations! Itās so good having met you here 
I hope you two (three) have a wonderful and relaxing weekend.
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Day 42 - Before I talk about my day I wanted to just say I really appreciate @Mindymoo , @RosaCanDo and @Its_me_Stella 's honesty and openess today. You are all leading by example and honestly itās great that you are able to express yourselves so well.
@Mindymoo I have just recently seperated with my partner. It has been hard but this is a golden opportunity for you to look at the things you want out of life and go out and get it. For me I wanted to be present for my kids and make great memories with them, be kinder to myself and be clean from my addiction. Take the time to figure out what brings you joy in life and focus on doing that. You are doing incredibly well. Keep it up!
In terms of my day itās been another ok day. I worked, my son was ill so I took him to the doctor (heās got a virus but no infection thankfully!) and now I am chilling out and giving myself permission to relax. I say permission because I am so bad at resting. My mind is always looking at the next thing I need / want to do. I never stop to just be. So I am trying to do that now as by slowing down it helps to ward off the thoughts of my addiction.
I went back and read my first post here yesterday and saw that 48 days was my longest clean time. Itās amazing to see how far I have come this time, but I am just focusing on things one day at a timeā¦
In terms of my recovery my thought for the day was this:
āWhat do I like about myself?ā
For someone like me, who has had a long history of self loathing itās a tricky one, but by answering it I can begin to build up some self love and acceptance of who I am, which I hope will help me move forward.
Reading everyoneās stories and advice has become a great anchor to my existence. So thank you all so much for what you give.
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Super congrats beautiful.
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Sorry to hear of the loss of your dog 
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Day 21 Three weeks!!
Iāve had a fantastic day. I went into work for the day to see how I can manage on crutches. Itās been wonderful, creative, productive. A superb day. I hope to start back next week after being away fro 3 months. Iām so excited 
After having a few weeks of no energy or motivation this week has really picked up. Iāve decluttered at home and have 6 black bags to go charity shop. Iāve had a good spring clean, I havenāt ordered take away all week. I feel great
I thought to go to my friends after work and have a drink in the pub opposite their place. I was gonna have a soft drink but decided the temptation would be too much so I went and bought treats and cake instead and came home 
excellent decision making. Iām so proud of myself.
Keep on keeping on people 
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That sounds like an incredibly positive day. Well done on the three weeks!
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Day 181 complete. Feel a bit lonely at times as I donāt have a huge social scene anymore, very grateful of the people in my life though. I guess complacency creeps in sometimes now too, the thought of āmaybe I wasnāt that bad, maybe I should have a fewā but I quickly remind myself of what will happen.
Smashing life in every area so then feel guilt for the above thoughts.
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Yesā¦. Dance away gorgeous 
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Thank you 
Iām feeling really good and nice and calm
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Thatās so refreshing to hear itās not just me, thank you! Them pictures are so inspiring, beautiful 
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