Been a while since I checked in…3 months, 25 days sober. All is well. 
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In the words of a wise man who crawled out of the ground, “I…live!”
I’ve been away for I think what’s now about roughly 20 days, but I haven’t stopped my sobriety process thankfully.
So.
Someone close to me put the idea in my head that doing anything and reporting it anywhere online to others defeats the purpose of doing it for myself and while I agree with that as a concept on a percentage of some categories, I think this group was a huge amount of support I didn’t realize until I tried applying the idea and slowly found myself becoming part of The Slump™️ again. The real bad kind too.
I haven’t been regimented in my routine for a few weeks at the least. Things haven’t been terrible but my mindset and mental health have been drained and very quickly deteriorating in personal ways without some sort of support network close -at-hand and an accountability group that understands the journey I’m on as a sober person.
I actually just feel great again reporting in here today.
I still won’t return to any other social online places or anything like that for those same mental health reasons, but I’m making this place my one exception because I see the difference that made in my day-to-day life.
I also missed you guys a great amount and realize that where I am a great big hermit and introvert, this sort of forum suits my needs perfectly, as it’s not the same criteria as social media and it just feels like a very close knit group that I can be comfortable with, and build friendships off of. It’s more regular interactions here without the weirdness of other online social places.
Thanks for holding a place for me here and I’m gonna be back to reporting daily and look forward to give you guys updates about my return to the rest of the process and the piano journey I’ve had paused for at least 1.5 weeks.
Oh and I forgot to report, today is day 104.
On a separate final positive note also; things have been going so much better with my son, which was one of the last things I think I reported here.
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Thanks much! I definitely agree with that, and keeping perspective about a slow and steady process seems a lot healthier honestly.
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I’ve had a great day
- kids sports day
- volunteered at scouts
Something happened which I thought was hilarious: I held a door open of a shop for a lady today as she walked in the doorway which was a bit tight she touched my private area by accident- she was mortified and apologised profusely, I thought it was hilarious 
Looking forward to paddleboarding tomorrow
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Day 55 - Today was a long tiring day. With all the moving I’ve struggled to hold on to a routine. A lot of the self care I have done has fallen by the wayside. I think rest and recovery are the key words for me this weekend.
For now though it’s sleep.
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Thankyou for your encouraging words @ Its_me_Stella.
All my life I was a big believer in gratitude, I tried to help others see how much we have to be grateful for, not in a condescending way but with understanding and acceptance of where they were in life.
Somewhere along the way I lost my gratitude and this saddens me deeply. I’m feeling dejected that I’ve lost it but sadly, I haven’t been able to will it into existence. It can’t help that I’m in a very nihilistic place right now. I see what specks of dust we are, how insignificant we are and I just can’t shake that. My thoughts are constantly dark
Having said that a work colleague spoke to me for the first time in months, just banter about this and that and after our conversation I actually cried. To be shown even the most basic courteousness has become so alien to me. I’m often reading or hearing about a funny story and I realize how much I miss being able to share it with somone. Instead I work, sleep and live in the my tiny box room with my broken relationship and do the best I can for my son.
I’m curious, is it ever alright to have pity for oneself? Does it depend on how it’s expressed? I Reality can be a complete drag and maybe acknowledging it is a faux pas. I can’t tell anymore how I’m supposed to interact with people.
Forgive me, I’m just speaking my thoughts. All of you here seem like such lovely & sincere people and I thank all of you who replied so thoughtfully.
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I’m glad ur back. I’m sorry things have been rough for you 
I actually have heard this before but within a diff context. Idk how ur friend meant it but I was told when you are helping someone, it basically shouldn’t be spoken about or filmed and shown to others, as it defeats the purpose of helping someone without a motive. Basically if I help someone get back on their feet, I shouldn’t be telling anyone about it. If I do, I’m basically feeding my ego looking for praise from others. I have never heard this from a general point of view. It’s important that u have the supports u need so that u can stay clean and sober 
I’m glad ur here
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A can remember having the cd now 17😂
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Oh wow!! Great to hear!! Congrats
Good to be back my friend!!
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@Butterflymoonwoman Congratulations! You really deserve this 
@Girlinterrupted What a lucky number!
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Day 10050
Today was spent adulting. Took my daughter out for lunch and ran around taking care of business. All my bills are paid. Even managed to help granddaughter get car insurance. She started a new job today and I wanted her to be protected on the road. Even have some moola left over. Kind of tired of being an adult though. I’m going to be 69 in 20 days and I think I’m going to slam dunk into my second childhood that day 
While looking at the menu I glanced at the alcohol drinks and busted a gut laughing at some of the names they gave them. People are wierd lol
Finally starting to feel my health recovering. I managed to sleep through most of the night.
Today was a beautiful day with the sky full of huge cottony clouds in a bright blue sky. It felt great to get out of my room.
Hope you all had a blessed clean and sober day. 
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Hey Marianna 
Great to hear things are going better with your son. That’s wonderful news. It’s so hard when you feel helpless to help your child. My boy. All grown up now. But he’s bi polar. So I know first hand how hard some kind of a flare up or episode or whatever you want to call it can feel so gut wrenching and you cannot help them. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
Congrats on your 104 days. Awesome job staying the course. The door is always open. If it makes you feel good to share, share.
I’m glad your here.
Welcome back.
Besides I want to see your new hair color on the selfies 
But, it’s the sharing that heals. Not the person that listens.
Believing In Myself
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Gratitude doesn’t have to be a huge endeavor. Start with the small things. Reading your post I inferred that you were grateful to have had that conversation with your co-worker. You can be grateful for that first cup of coffee in the morning. Grateful for your son’s smile when you say good morning. Simple things. After being down for so long gratitude is like everything else. It takes practice. I’m grateful you shared your feelings.
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Thank you sooo much! 
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Awe this was such a lovely post!! Yhank you so much for cheering me on! This photo was SO appreciated 
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Thank you so much for the congratulations 
It’s been an honor to be on this recovery journey with you also!
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Hey everyone. Day 4 for me here. I was doing good and had a slip up on the weekend. It’s been tough because I am moving on from my old job to seek out a new one. I’ve been dreading that conversation with my boss telling him I put my two weeks notice in. The hardest part is it’s not a bad work environment or bad people or a bad boss. my boss is actually a really nice person. It’s just my opportunity to try and find something closer to the rest of my family. Right now I live over a thousand miles away by myself with only one friend out here. The rest are just nice work aquintances. There are days where I can feel so lonely and used to spend a lot of time inside by myself, and out of the isolation and boredom is where that ugly voice comes from. But I did it. It’s made me be so nervous thinking about it, my hands were shaking when I told my boss. My mind kept telling me if only I had a few drinks this would be easier. That’s where I slipped up this weekend. It was so loud in my head I couldn’t quiet it. Now Ive made it back to 4 days and put in my notice. It was a tough decision but I know it will be the right move for me. I’m excited because I get to be closer to family. I know that they are something that can help me along this journey. I can have more of a support system. I’m really looking forward to that again. Even though this has been a hard time in my life, I know deep down it will be the best thing for me. It’s going to be a rough few weeks as I get ready to move, but if I can make it through this, I can come out stronger in the end.
Phew, guess that was my little vent for the day. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read that. I appreciate it. Hope everyone is having a fun sober day out there!
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You are making so much progress with those diamonds! Its looking good
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