Day 1195.
Some people say that a broken clock is right twice a day.
But an analog clock, if the gears and springs are fucked up or the battery leaked and the acid inside gummed up the workins, then in that case the clock is never right. Thunk on that!
@Charlie_C congrats on 20 months
@Girlinterrupted congrats on 777 days off the sauce.
@mamador welcome back. I couldnāt have done it without this app.
@Butterflymoonwoman congrats on 5 months!! Ur killing it! And ty for hearin me out on the pm.
And congrats to everyone else! Stay up, fam!
I just posted today about an amazing pamphlet I read on this very topic and why itās so relevant to our disease. I wouldnāt be able to explain it any better so I will just post the pamphlet so you can take a look.
What I meant by this was that if I were to walk around being a negative person chances are not many positive things would happen to me. If I were to tell everyone I met that my life was shit and that I would never amount to anything chances are I would have a shitty life and feel terrible about myself.
In regards to the āNo good deed goes unpunishedā that was only a part of my story when I was keeping the company of criminals and people in active addiction also I was not living with any morals and values myself. Now that I have changed the numbers in my phone and am living a life with some values I am only met with kindness and love.
Thanks for your response, your curiosity is a beautiful thing. I hope you are having a better day today.
Thanks so much and totally agree! Very much realized the value of a great support network is priceless
I know youāre gonna get a knowledgable reply form Stella about this but I also had a thought I wanted to share:
We all have made a bunch of detrimental, hurtful experiences that have shaped our believes about ourselves and what the world is. How the world is. How we must be in order to avoid pain and punishment, what to expect. We all followed these believes into addiction. We are all hurt ppl here on this app as we are all addicts. So I think we all on some level know what it is youāre talking about there.
I struggle with low self esteem that comes from experiences I have made as a young child and what I took from these experiences. Subconsciously, mostly. As many do. It is my job, however much I used to believe that this low self esteem is an accurate feeling relating to me (because I have low worth, I have low self esteem, thatās how it goes, right?) to reframe this perception. To start to believe the contraindications. However weird and alien that is for me: that I might not have low worth. That what I used to believe might be what I hold on to believe for various known and unknown reasons (itās comfortable, itās all I know, itās less scary than the oppositeā¦) but not one of these reasons is that itās the truth.
The same goes for you. Your first step needs to be to take responsibility of these believes of yours. No one here can argue them away for you or correct them for you. That is a long and drawn out process, a battle against parts of ourselves that are old and powerful, that only we can begin and fight out.
Also I hear you on women and aging. Definitely have avoided going out due to feeling ugly many many times in my life. This also is my lot. To deal with this belief, that is societyās, yes, but that is more meaningfully my own belief that I have to be a certain way in order to feel worthy.
How to change this? I cannot tell you other than that itās a long and arduous process this I think is our livesā work. No short cuts here.
Iām glad youāre here now though. Your questions and your quests are welcome here and have a place, like everyoneās. But you must take this place and fill it. No one can do it for you or keep your seat warm.
Thanks so much! Definitely agree that the sharing part is pretty cathartic in general I think.
And yeah, youāre right about when they have the low points/episodes etc. Itās tough to see those times especially, and right now feels nice to have this moment where things are going a little better and some of the work weāve been doing with him is paying off, and he benefits the most from it.
Excited for the new hair color but my stylist told me I need to take at least 6 weeks off to make sure my hair doesnāt get too crispy or anything lol. Iām gonna just do it myself and go green though next month bc I canāt wait much longer lol 
Iāll be back again tomorrow and thanks again always! Feels good to get back into the group 
Thanks so much madam!!
Things were rough but I wasnāt doing much of the stuff to make the slump go away, and kidding this post really made a dent in progress lol. On that note, I really like the way you put that about helping others vs. self reporting and honestly I think thatās a much healthier way of approaching it.
I think I was applying it a little too broadly and I am really glad to be back here engaging with others who are going through the same journey!
Have a great night!
I need some help. I need just a nudge to help me keep on my way.
Hi,
Iāve been thinking about you, we have the same days. Great going, nice to see you 
Hey Rosa, are you OK? Well done for coming here for support. My day off today so here all day if you need it 
Thank you for responding. I guess the answer is Iām not okay but Iām trying really hard.
Thankyou @Faugxh for taking the time to write this reply, and for your candor.
Your last line struck me the most. Do I give the impression that I wanted others to fill the place Iām supposed to fill? Iāve looked back over some of my posts and Iām not really seeing anythingā¦but I could be missing something thatās obvious to everything else. Is there are certain mindset Iām expressing that makes people think I expect others to do everything for me? For what itās worth, in my real life my actions say otherwise.
Thanks again and I wish you well.
I am so sorry, can you identify what is wrong? What time is it there? You are showing such strength by coming here.
Oh right on!! Great going yourself!! 
Itās 1:30 my time. Iāve such a fucked week.
Thank you. I honestly needed someone to acknowledge me.
Well I am here. I have a lot of experience feeling like that and have no suggestions sadly as sometimes the awfulness of it is you just need to ride it out. I often go to sleep, not necessarily the healthiest way of processing it but it often works. Thinking of you, here all day
Can you sleep? I recently had so much going on that I drank to quiet my mind. You are processing this so much better than me then. It doesnāt work, just delays the problems
Rosa sorry you are feeling crummy. Iām very grateful that you spoke out and said something. Here is something from the I think it said University of Rochester. I know that itās simple. Sometimes āsimpleāhelps.
āBefore starting this exercise, pay attention to your breathing. Slow, deep, long breaths can help you maintain a sense of calm or help you return to a calmer state. Once you find your breath, go through the following steps to help ground yourself:
5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.
4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.
3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.
2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell pencil, or maybe you are in your bedroom and smell a pillow. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside.
1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste likeāgum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch? ā
I hope you will be able to feel better soon. Big hugs. Everything I think is going to be OK. You are going to be OK. I donāt think you will drink. I donāt think youāre going to hurt yourself. You just have to get through the hard moments literally a moment at a time. Big hugs. You are cared for. You are loved. You are not alone.
Brilliant advice, so glad you came along and shared that.
Hope you are able to sleep @RosaCanDo
