Thanks so much, life seems to go in cycles. How are you feeling?
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Wow so close to 1000 daysā¦. Inspiring
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Today has been the hardest, I think because I didnāt sleep wellā¦.although I thought about having a drink when putting the day in perspective it wasnāt for too long really and Iām proud I made it through another weekend. I was surrounded by alcohol all weekend and kept sober today by experimenting with different soft drink options. My daughter and I had fun chopping up mint leaves, strawberries and limes to add to different flavoured lemonadesā¦. My new way to have fun drinking! Hope I sleep well tonight. Thank you everyone for posting today as I picked up my phone and read through posts every time I wanted a drink and it really helped,
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Day 1578. Fill your day with sober things, and you will be sober.
Up bright and early, read some Recovery Dharma stuff, called a wise friend, had breakfast, canned 20 pounds of blueberries, grocery shopped, drove 30 minutes to help Ms. Monkeyās boy at work for and hour and a half, came back and finished the front deck project.
Now to the shower, grill some burgers, quiet time with Ms. Monkey, some dharma readingā¦then bed.
Stay sober, have a full life.
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If you have audiobooks or amazon itās on both itās called āThe untethered soulā
Itās about learning who we are and the voice thatās us in our heads, learning to see what it tells us and how that makes us think the way we do individually. Really interesting and also self help at the same time.
Thatās what Iām reading atm, yes I agree we are going through a kind of awaking.
Always here if you need me.
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Day 2 - @Twizzlers got me thinking a lot today. Your post about meetings brought up a lot of complex feelings for me.
Whilst I want to get clean I am scared to step out into the light and say to the world āI am a porn / sex addictā. I have always done things myself. It is almost a point of pride that I do not rely on anyone else because, eventually, everyone else letās me down. I have to be self sufficient because of this. From my brother disappearing through his addiction ( he is still missing 6 years later) to people promising things and not following up on it. Right down to the hundreds of times through my life people have let me down in a hundred different ways. It has felt like death by 1000 cuts. The only way I have coped is to rely on myself. To a part of me asking for help is excruciating. It is confirmation that I am incapable (or so says the self loathing part of me). But also it requires trust and opening myself up to be vulnerable which terrifies me (despite how open I can be on this platform). It would also be confirmation of the voice that says āyou are disgusting perverted monsterā. Iāve learnt to block out that voice but itās still there.
I am greatful you wrote what you did as it was the catalyst for this post and even in that I have opened up to things I need to work through. I have been to therapy before about some of these issues but I need to work on them some more.
Ultimately addiction thrives in solitude and isolation and being alone all weekend in a new house in a new city with my friends and family all far away leading their own lives. Itās been rough. This is not the first time I have felt like this. When I first moved to this city I knew one person, who promptly moved away. All my best friends are spread across the country now so we only really speak together online. But I am sober for another day because I decided I needed to build some more connections locally, so that I donāt sit on my phone all day drowning myself in blue screen escapism.
So I have reached out to some local games clubs and societies to see if I can make some new connections, meet more people and start to work on what I want life to be going forward.
I have been sober for another day and I am grateful for it. Letās see what tomorrow brings.
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You are doing great managing, and itās great that when you feel its tough you come and share here. I think thatās such an important tool for us all to reach out before we attempt to sabotage our sobriety because together we are so powerful and supporting of each other, Iām glad this is the approach you take and good in you for getting through the weekend.
For me when my sleep goes down hill its usually for a week or 2 and it really messes me up mentally and physically so I do hope your able to get a good rest.
Your drinks sound yummy. I seen on you tube someone nake a chamomile and raspberry ice tea and you just reminded me thank you. Hope a good sleep helps 
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Thatās great that you have took steps to make new connections and start building the life you want.
You dont have to shout out from the roof tops your addiction unless thatās something you want to do, for me itās just close family, our TS family here and the people at the meeting today.
I think getting involved in support groups or as you have done getting involved with stuff that has nothing to do with your addiction will be good for you.
I think no matter what addiction any of us have we all feel like we were bad and feel shame.
Iām not sure if you have spoke with anyone here who has the same addiction as you, and I dont need you to answer that as thatās your personal business, but I thought maybe if you havenāt that could be a good way for you to really talk with someone who understands fully what itās like for you, so you benefit from it too, find out strategies to get through a craving etcā¦
Be kind to yourself, your human and you know what parts of yourself you need to work on, like for me if I drink alcohol I become a monster, but Iām human and I have to be kind to myself so I dont get stuck in a spiral of doubting my confidence in staying sober, and letting the dark shadow of depression grow and low mood keep me in a dark place.
There is alot of support out here but itās just knowing where to get it.
I dont know if this helps but I am ashamed of my addiction.
Your here and your trying and thatās huge, you havenāt given up on yourself and Iām glad to hear that you are taking steps out of your comfort zone to better your life.
And day 2 thatās brilliant, you came straight back that takes strength my friend and you have that.
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Thank you @Twizzlers , great advice as always. It means a lot that you have taken the time to help me. Iām really grateful for the support.
Itās hard, but I am trying. TS has been an absolute godsend as a place to talk about my addiction. I think I will do as you suggest and reach out to other addicts like myself to see if that helps.
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Omgā¦ praying for you lady! I really hope ur okay 
hugs
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Checking in
Day 153
Recovery is wonderful! Today has been so busy that I didnāt even check in earlier. Me and hubby got up early. He went out to a coworkers place to pick up a beautiful 75 gallon fish tank with all the accessories, including 4 new fish (they gave it to us for free as they didnāt have the time to take care of it anymore and wanted the fish to go to a good home). While my hubby was out, I went to get a shit load of groceries. Feels good to get that kind of stuff done. Hubby is setting up the tank now and I help where I can haha. But Iām so excited to see everything put together. We literally had to rearrange our living room for this tank and shelf. We never would have done anything like this in the problem and our fridge amd cupboards and deep freeze wouldnāt have food in it. Grateful for another day in recovery 
Hope everyone is having an addiction free day!
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I had a 45 gallon tank when my son was little; I really loved it. I know you guys will too!
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@SassyBoomer Are you okay? Sending hugs and prayers!
@Lovelyoutlook So glad you had a great sober time. Isnāt it weird, we drink to more sociable but weāre much better company sober?
@Mermaid2000 Iām trying to that exact same thing: urban hiking, with a pack. Need to get in shape for an upcoming (hopefully) long distance hike. Iced latte looks so good!
@RosaCanDo kudos for getting the Stranger Things habit! I love anything 80s, especially the nerdy stuff. I donāt have Netflix though, so I have to wait until the boxed set is available at the library. 
Currently reading āDopamine Nationā. It brought up a new theory on neurology I remember hearing once before. Theyāre starting to believe that dopamine actually impacts motivation and not strictly pleasure. Has anyone else heard this?
Anyway, going to apply for a job tomorrow. Iāve worked for this same place 6 times already. They probably wouldnāt have me back except their turnover rate is so high they really have to just hire anyone. Iāve gotta stick it out at least 6 weeks. Wish me luck!
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Not happy with the illnessā¦ Itās bloody gone on forever, still tested positive today after 5 days! Only tonight starting to feel the throat is slightly better.
Iām happy with my 98 days Sober on the other hand. I donāt know what your level was that you wanted to move away from but my drinking was a bit out of control in frequency and quantity. So despite whatever shits going on in the doldrums and cycles of life, I always feel better not drinking. Being sober is like my thunder vest. I just need to believe in how I feel better day to day to take a shred of hope from sobriety even on really shitty days. At least now my anti depressants work as well.
I know what you mean about cycles though. I try my very best to control my mind as the only variable I have power over. But life can be frustrating. 
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That sounds like a lovely day. I love those kinds of cosy days.
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Good,
And for future reference, watch out for these red flags that are glaring
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Thank you all for your encouraging words it meant a lot. We certainly can do it just remembering to go ODAAT.
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Thank you!! Still canāt believe it!!
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Checking in day 84! Overall been a great weekend but have felt offā¦ like Iāve wanted to feel something other then sober not necessarily drunk but just not sober.
My quote for today seems to know how Iāve felt somehow and is telling me that I need to keep myself in the right path! Stay motivated and as always one day at a time!
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Hi everyone. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I have been a wreck. I relapsed multiple times over the past three weeks. I am struggling with the transformational change that I am moving away and starting a new career.
Since I am moving to Southern California, I have had to purge a majority of my material possessions. I realize that material possessions shouldnāt control one, but I have grown attached to a lot of things. I ended up selling my vinyl collection, every single album. I just donāt have room in a 900 square-foot apartment. My son and I will travel together next week and I start work August 1.
My wife and daughter are settling in at their new apartment in Michigan. We will be separated until my daughter finishes high school. God has blessed us, by giving us an offer on our house for full asking price.
However, I am struggling with my relationship with God, but I know He is good.
Iāve been crying quite frequently and feeling sorry for myself. Iām just a mess. 1 day sober.
Iām going to my final meeting to say goodbye to my friends tomorrow night. It will be a rough one. But I am so thankful for their friendship and support.
Thank you for giving me your time and attention, love you all. 
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