Congratulations to 100 sober days! 
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Wow, 1400 freaking days! Congratulations Claudia! 
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Amazing stuff! 
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That was very well put, thank you Menno. 
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Day 11. I commit to my promise to myself and my family that I will not drink today. Iām greatful for all that I have.
I knew this, but it is more evident now, that alcohol has a huge impact on my mental health.
I always have anxiety/depression/ruminating the next day. Even if I moderate and there was no scene. Sometimes I would have shame and ruminating for a week, and drink to feel better. A vicious cycle. I never want to feel that way again!
I wish you all well. Have a peaceful day!
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Hey all, checking in on day 766. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 50, feeling pretty good, a little nervous and worried. But Iāll get through it, breakfast went great this morning got some help with the French toast and I cooked bacon, turned out good. Ran out of my abilfy medicine and worried about the depression kicking back in, Iām hoping I can get it filled fast enough. Much love, gonna make it a good day, probably hit the gym
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Lovely numbers! Congrats on your sobriety!
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Day 768 clean and sober. Spent my days off doing a lot of reading and napping but also got a lot of chores done. Todayās my Monday and I hope everyone has a beautiful day, love you guys!!! 
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Day 4.
Still disappointed I had to reset. Starting over isnāt the end of the world but, it does sting. 4 is a good enough number for today, just gotta stay focused on that.
Woke up half past midnight with the worst craving for artichoke, so I got up and steamed one. Craving solved, but itās past 5am now so it looks like Iām just gonna stay up. I think starting with a hard ābed timeā will be the way to jumpstart a sleep routine, waking up too early might just have to be part of it for a while.
Gonna start the application process for a local brewery. I know that sounds backwards but it would be good $, and Iāve always hated beer. Besides smelling like hops it sounds like a reasonable gig.
Hope everyone has a great day! And congrats to everyone hitting those milestones!! 
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I am struggling today.
Itās like the clearer the need is, the need for me to take action, the more I pull back, reflexively, like Iām wincing and pulling my hand away from a hot stove.
I know, in my head, that I should do the opposite here. My path forward is clear, the steps are not dangerous to me, so I need to take them.
Still, something about this time, something about these recent weeks, is scaring the shit out of me. Itās like I want to hide. I need to do the opposite though. I need to reach out to my group and get connected.
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Sorry to hear you are struggling Matt. Do you have a chance to stop and take a minute to work out what it is you are feeling or explore some of the cause of it?
I know things are super busy for you right now but taking a moment can help.
Always here for a chat if you need it.
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Morning Check in
Day 156
Off to my CPI refresher training now. Slept like a baby honestly which is surprising bcuz of how Iām feeling. But itās another beautiful day here. The heat has toned itself down a bit so we finally have some relief. Hoping all goes well today. I usually despise hands on training so anything like CPR or CPI, the introverted part of myself hates it bcuz I have to do things on display and be tested on it haha BUT it needs to be done if I want to keep my job. Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
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Sorry to hear you are struggling. I am not sure exactly of the situation, is it a kind of f-you reflex? I sometimes donāt want to do something even if it is the right thing to do, even if I want to, because I feel told to, or obligated. You say you feel scared, so maybe that is not it at all. I am sure with reflection you will come to understand what is going on.
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This is gonna paint me as a nerd, but reading this reminded me of a Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter.
āDark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time where we must choose between what is right and what is easy.ā
Of course, I donāt know your situation or if this is applicable at all. Either way, change can be uncomfortable and scary. Running might sound like the easier or more comfortable route. On the other hand, if thereās something in you telling you to go for whatever lies ahead, even if it may be scary, maybe itās okay to run with it instead of away from it?
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2 years, 4 months and 28 days drug and alcohol free. I have the day off and toMorrow and I am going to my parents house after therapy at 11. I am gonna get my birthday present, which is getting my hair professionally doneā¦ I am pretty excited. That will be tomorrow at 6 pm but for now I am just gonna relax and do what I need to do. Also, the place where I live at raised my rent 280 dollars so I am kind of mad about that . I am hoping the person in charge is gonna call me later and figure something out because yeahā¦ anyway life on lifeās terms I guess. Choosing to stay sober and focus on my recovery though. Alright , ttyl
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As you said to me, keep the faith. You can do this, maybe take a step back and look at it from an outward perspective.
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Hey guys. Its day 54 today. I feel a bit sad today. I had the though of using prn to run away from my emotions and I actually convinced myself to go back for a moment. But i chose not to use and deal with my emotions in a more healthy way.
I just sat down and let the emotion run its course. I am still feeling down but thats okay.
Have a nice day guys. Peace.
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I know exactly what youāre feeling because Iām also having this inexplicable resistance to the future. I know what I need to do to move forward - and itās nothing a grown man should be apprehensive about - but Iām having the hardest time moving. I feel emotionally like a rat trapped in a cage and I just hide, like you said. Itās awful. Iāve been struggling over the last week thinking about drinking again. Itās awful. But youāre not alone.
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Itās such a relief to know we donāt have to feel that way again! We are breaking out of our patterns of insanity! Good luck to you, and Iām sure your family has begun to notice as well. It is only getting easier/better!