Good afternoon all. Checking in on day 337. Was supposed to be working tonight But went for my morning Red Bull, horrible habit I know, and all I could taste is pennys. Took two at home tests for Covid and were positive. Besides feeling very tired which is usual and the taste and headache I’m doing okay. Just going to hydrate and relax for the next few days. Hope everyone stays safe and take care.
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Hi Kat here Day 49 from abusing benadryl/alcohol and Day 353 from meth pills.
Having a good Saturday with my 3 youngest kids and roommate.
Had some using dreams last night but I am very happy that sobriety won in all of them! One was a brief vignette of someone trying to pass me a drink and me saying ‘No thanks, I don’t drink, I’m sober’ lol.
The other was about my old bugaboo, vials of injectable hydromorphone (Dilaudid) that started my addiction 6 years ago when I was a nurse. In my using dreams, I am being given the chance to administer dilaudid to my patients but come across some extra that someone has left around. I then have the choice whether to sneak around and use it or not.
Well last night in my using dream, for the first time I made the right decision. I decided for myself and my clean time and my coworkers ‘No’ and put the extra vials in the sharps container (which these days are made to be inaccessible by drug users like me). Ha ha so proud of myself even though it was only a dream. Smiling 
Must call sponsor and then there’s a Zoom NA meeting tonight. Sobriety is awesome!
Love Kat
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Way to go Kat on winning in recovery in ur dreams! Damn they can be so real! I’ve even had dreams where I could smell my most recent DOC, or in particular that “medical” smell as I used to inject hydromorphone pills. Crazy to think about! 
Our brains are just so powerful!! I’m so glad to hear about ur days adding up again! It’s always nice to read ur posts and that u are still doing all ur recovery related things still! Way to go Kat! Have a wonderful weekend 
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Hope u get well quick Chris! Covid sucks 
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My father’s worse. My mum’s an abusive drink, and my step dad a week enabler. It’s a nice mixed bag of role models.
What a Debbie Downer, sorry. Really struggling.
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Yeah I know that poem well. I definitely took heed of the final two lines at least very early on!
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I’m feeling really upset because my cat got spayed a few days ago and this morning I noticed her insicion didn’t look good. I tried to talk to my husband about it and he wasn’t that coherent. He drank last night and fell asleep in the couch while we were were trying to watch a show around 8:30pm then he got a second wind and didn’t come to bed until around 2. Ughh. If he took better care of himself, he could be there for me when I need him but I have to stop wishing for that. I wish I could be more independent I guess. Rely more on myself to reassure myself and calm my own anxieties. I know that’s all I can be in control of but it just makes me sad sometimes because I’d like a partner who could be there for me when I need it, and he can when he’s taking care of himself.
Anyways I was typing this while I was waiting for the vet to look and it turns out everything’s fine so that’s good and I’m glad I took her into check… Just have to give her some other meds to calm her down a bit and keep her from licking.
Other than that it’s a beautiful day here and I’m really glad that she’s okay thanks for listening.
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I only work out in the mornings on the weekends. During the week I have very busy mornings. In order to get some workout in I’d have to get up at 5:30am. I’m not there yet but I want to be. Little by little.
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Checking in at day 90!!! From my 6 month old self to me at 31 I’d say we ended up where we’ve worked to! I can’t change the past but I can work hard for a better future and I’m proud of where I’ve gotten! Everyday is a new challenge to overcome and succeed in this thing we call life! Some days are harder then others but I have to remind myself to keep my head up high and just keep moving forward! I can’t believe it’s been 90 days already! Just in 10 short days I’ll be in the triple digits! It feels like just this morning I woke up hungover, couldn’t remember a thing of last night and all the bad feelings that went with it… I may not always check in or post anything on here but I do come here everyday to remind myself that I’m not alone in this and how amazing you all are! It’s hard for a "normal " person to truly know how a addicts mind works when it comes to alcohol or drugs so I thank everyone last one of you for inspiring me to keep going and stay strong on this battle of recovery! Everyone has there own story but we share a common plot in it and that’s to live a happy sober life so here’s to 90 days sober and I couldn’t have done without you, my loving fiance, family, and friends for believing in me to keep the momentum going!!! Stay motivated and as always one day at a time!!!
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Congratulations on 3 months!!! Love what u wrote and love that u also included a picture of ur younger self. That says alot to me 
keep going ODAAT!
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Congrats on 90 days!!! We are doing this together thats for sure. What a lovely share. Keep truckin brother
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Well, today I forced my claustrophobic mind to shut up long enough to endure my brain scan mri. I’d been dreading it all week and pretty much shut down socially to deal with it. Finally, finally at the tail end of my bronchitis. Now that the mri is behind me I should be able to get my sleep pattern back to stability. No more claustrophobic nightmares. I’m not concerned over what the scan will reveal. I’m confident in myself concerning that and if something odd does show up then I will deal with it then, clean and sober. Off to take a necessary nap and will try to catch up later. Have a blessed day all. 
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Oh that is heartbreaking, such a beautiful gift but to receive it like that must make you feel awful.
It sounds fascinating though, do you feel able to share any of it here?
Hello there. I don’t especially think that you should reset either, considering that it was an actual mistake! It’s amazing how confusing those bloody labels can be, I have almost done the same thing myself with Heineken beer, as the no-alcohol bottles are still AWFULLY similar to the regular ones.
As such, I would not reset in your situation.
Otherwise, things are all right over here, I’m getting settled into my new (albeit temporary) house. Today I did some major “gardening”… If you want to call hacking away YEARS of vines “gardening”! I’m amazed that I didn’t get stung by all of the bees hanging around in those stupid vines.
Other than that, just working away… And sweating away, in the heat of northern Italy. I very much look forward to getting back to Switzerland, where the temperature is SLIGHTLY milder as a result of the higher elevations. In any event I am on 42 days, and I assume that @maxwell is close behind me.
We will soon both be at the 45-day mark, with 60 days being the next target.
Okay, I should get back to work. I hope that you are all well and having a nice and sober weekend.
Working is not the most exciting way to spend a Saturday evening, but I have to get all of this work done. I suppose that it’s a good thing that I don’t have a life outside of work!!
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We got this! 
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That’s sucks about your husband. I know how that feels.
About Lola.
Have you got a https://www.amazon.com/Suitical-Cat-Recovery-Suit-Small/dp/B00NHNF5V6
It worked great on Daisy after she was spade. I don’t know where you live but if you get next day Amazon you can get it pretty quickly. Or Google it and see if Pet Co has one.
Checking in
Day 159
Work is over. Besides that earlier triggering event, the shift went well overall. Feeling really kind of bitter tho, sort of like my ego has been hurt. My thinking has been off lately too, just feeling like I don’t belong and sort of feeling less than. I often feel like Im “too much to handle”. Like people dont know how to respond to me. I have an idea where it’s coming from but I’m not allowing it ruin my biggest support right now. Sometimes I have to force myself to care bcuz the “F it” attitude really isnt healthy. Besides when I think about it… course I care… otherwise I wouldnt be impacted so much by it. So I’ll work thru. Hubby is ordering supper tonight so I’m looking forward to that. That’s about where I’m at right now.
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Oh my gosh I wish I knew about this sooner!
The vet suggested at t-shirt and I did find this old baby one…
It’s helping a bit.
Thanks Eric!
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I’m really struggling today. Up and down emotions and a lot of tears. I’m trying to distract myself… Doing gardening. It’s a beautiful day but I’m sad that I’m wasting energy craving. I felt so good this morning waking up sober. I just need to get through this moment (although there’s been a lot of them today)
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It is hard but you can kick it’s ass and stand strong and beautiful! It only gets better; those cravings don’t have your best interest for you. 
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