Try not to beat urself up girl… today is a new day! Keep working at it! Hugs!
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You are too cute Maxine! Happy to see those days increase for u!
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Don’t get discouraged it happens focus on the good and move past it you got this!!!
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If you don’t mind me asking, do you have a partner? I’m wondering on the dynamic of that you see. I had a mild PMO addiction when early teens that lasted a long time even when I was having sex with people. But it changed over time for me. I didn’t even see it as a PMO until now tbh… Just assumed I was really exploring everything there was on offer. Hope you don’t think I’m being nosy, just tell me to piss off if so 
Checking in
Day 159
Today has been abit triggering at work. My client that I am with today has addiction issues and she awoled and came back not in a good state. Once again taking everything out of the fridge to try and sit herself inside of it. This in itself isn’t really the trigger. But she engages in prostitution which is a very triggering area for me (as I haven’t dealt with my own stuff in my past life of prostitution). She is talking alot about it and about very abusive stuff that has happened to her. I tried to help in general terms but then had to kindly and gently suggest chatting with my coworker. No one here knows about my history of drug use or prostitution so I don’t want to be open about that with my coworker. Everything ended up fine and my client got the support she needed. But I felt crappy bcuz it made me realize that I havent truly dealt with the things that happened from all those years of the sex trade. Something that I may need to look into I guess. This day will get better. Just need to stay present
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Sounds like the perfect day friend.
Checking in on day 104
So I got a package through a parcel service today of all my grandparents and great grandparents stuff that my nan had left me in a box that said my name on. It has lots of precious documents that are over a hundred years old, hundreds of really beautiful photos and old war stuff from Korea and the Vietnam war. It’s everything I ever wanted from the only nurturing true relationship I ever had during childhood.
No note, no nothing. Just stuffed in a plastic bag to me.
My estranged family sent it and now I’m so fucked up mentally. Happy to have it, it’s literally priceless to me, but it also feels really weird and final and uncaring and cold.
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Good morning,
I am sitting in my living room. Kids still asleep. Had some decaf coffee (can’t do the real thing I detoxed from it prior to quitting alcohol). I assumed coffee was triggering my anxiety. Something I well knew was being caused by alcohol but was not ready to give it up although in a way I was. Getting my mind ready to take a run. I’ll be running to the gym. Getting in an arm workout, sauna, massage and running back home. I assume I will be out of the house all morning doing self care 
. Hope everyone has a good one as we all Strive to stay sober 
.
@GOKU2019 same for me. At the age of 15 I was already drinking. Thursday I realize how my baby is handling life better than I did at his age. He is a clean little dude so far. He loves sports and understands that drugs and alcohol are damaging to an athlete. He’s about to be a freshman and I’m happy he’s in a good path at the moment. Hoping that having parents who are clean and sober help him make good decisions about alcohol mainly. He is predisposed to addiction having two parents whom have had alcohol and drug addiction. I can only pray and be an example. My kids are a big part of my decision to quite. Hope you and the wife have an amazing time.
@Alicat22 hope your husband feels better soon. Congrats on your milestone and anniversary.
@Beth2 little by little. As you said in your other post it’s all about retraining the mind. This is very true. We are rewiring our brains and we ridding of the damage alcohol did to it. You are doing amazing. Keep sharing with us.
@BrianP congrats on 90 days!!! Way to go!! I agree having mental milestones helps greatly. Keep up the good fight.
@Hayleylujah so glad you are doing better.
@maxwell giod to hear from you. See you seeing here when life calms down a little on your side. We miss ya.
@802 wow!!! Big congrats on one year!! That’s amazing.
@Butterflymoonwoman glad you were able to work through that. Hope that you can heal that part of your life. When you are ready I am sure you will be able to heal that part of you too. Keep going in your journey. I alway love how honest your shares are.
@Mindymoo I hope you enjoy your time. Don’t forget about us. Let us know how you fill your time. I too have lost 6lbs. So we are weight loss twins at the moment. I want to up my cardio but I love my bed. Can’t seem to get myself out of it early enough in the morning for some movement 
.
Thank you all who’ve shared so far. Thank you for reading my share. Let’s make it a good one guys.
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I have a ldr…
I didn’t see it as a problem either honestly. I dont want to get into too much detail publicly. But its a problem
Awe thank u for the compliment. Its funny bcuz recovery has such an interesting way of showing me what I need to work on lol its like peeling layers of a onion lol. Anyway ur post is sooo making me want to exercise lol yesterdays workout was rough. I went but it wasn’t an intense as I like. I’m also a morning exerciser lol hope u have a lovely day!
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Thanks, it’s from my mom I believe. She’s the one who’s the alcoholic.
Totally get what you are saying though, that’s my experience of male family too… Head in hand emoji.
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Ok no worries. Wishing you all the best of luck!
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Good afternoon all. Checking in on day 337. Was supposed to be working tonight But went for my morning Red Bull, horrible habit I know, and all I could taste is pennys. Took two at home tests for Covid and were positive. Besides feeling very tired which is usual and the taste and headache I’m doing okay. Just going to hydrate and relax for the next few days. Hope everyone stays safe and take care.
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Hi Kat here Day 49 from abusing benadryl/alcohol and Day 353 from meth pills.
Having a good Saturday with my 3 youngest kids and roommate.
Had some using dreams last night but I am very happy that sobriety won in all of them! One was a brief vignette of someone trying to pass me a drink and me saying ‘No thanks, I don’t drink, I’m sober’ lol.
The other was about my old bugaboo, vials of injectable hydromorphone (Dilaudid) that started my addiction 6 years ago when I was a nurse. In my using dreams, I am being given the chance to administer dilaudid to my patients but come across some extra that someone has left around. I then have the choice whether to sneak around and use it or not.
Well last night in my using dream, for the first time I made the right decision. I decided for myself and my clean time and my coworkers ‘No’ and put the extra vials in the sharps container (which these days are made to be inaccessible by drug users like me). Ha ha so proud of myself even though it was only a dream. Smiling 
Must call sponsor and then there’s a Zoom NA meeting tonight. Sobriety is awesome!
Love Kat
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Way to go Kat on winning in recovery in ur dreams! Damn they can be so real! I’ve even had dreams where I could smell my most recent DOC, or in particular that “medical” smell as I used to inject hydromorphone pills. Crazy to think about! 
Our brains are just so powerful!! I’m so glad to hear about ur days adding up again! It’s always nice to read ur posts and that u are still doing all ur recovery related things still! Way to go Kat! Have a wonderful weekend 
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Hope u get well quick Chris! Covid sucks 
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My father’s worse. My mum’s an abusive drink, and my step dad a week enabler. It’s a nice mixed bag of role models.
What a Debbie Downer, sorry. Really struggling.
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Yeah I know that poem well. I definitely took heed of the final two lines at least very early on!
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I’m feeling really upset because my cat got spayed a few days ago and this morning I noticed her insicion didn’t look good. I tried to talk to my husband about it and he wasn’t that coherent. He drank last night and fell asleep in the couch while we were were trying to watch a show around 8:30pm then he got a second wind and didn’t come to bed until around 2. Ughh. If he took better care of himself, he could be there for me when I need him but I have to stop wishing for that. I wish I could be more independent I guess. Rely more on myself to reassure myself and calm my own anxieties. I know that’s all I can be in control of but it just makes me sad sometimes because I’d like a partner who could be there for me when I need it, and he can when he’s taking care of himself.
Anyways I was typing this while I was waiting for the vet to look and it turns out everything’s fine so that’s good and I’m glad I took her into check… Just have to give her some other meds to calm her down a bit and keep her from licking.
Other than that it’s a beautiful day here and I’m really glad that she’s okay thanks for listening.
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I only work out in the mornings on the weekends. During the week I have very busy mornings. In order to get some workout in I’d have to get up at 5:30am. I’m not there yet but I want to be. Little by little.
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