Thank you x mmmwah xx it was lovely to read a little bit abour your son, im not sure if you posted further up more but i read the one where you mention close to my post earlier.
Im so proud of you, thank you for sharing this.
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Checking in 206 days. Not a good day. Having pain. But im sober.
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Big congrats on your 160 days
Im always here for you x
I have alot of experience through work and with my daughters needs, to have some idea of how tough things can get,
Look how much you still get done when you have others to take care of.
How you have worked so hard on healing others as well as yourself from the inside, thats takes alot of strength and courage.
To you, your struggles are normal, so to you, you just get on with it, but i notice your effort, your true hard work that comes straight from your heart.
You are an amazing person, with an incredible heart and love for the world and the people in it.
Full of energy thats healing to others and im so happy to see you celebrate 160 days and have watched you know its ok for you to heal yourself, and not suffer anymore.
You are an inspiration and i admire you.
You have worked your recovery like a real life superwoman im so proud of you, sitting here smiling with butterflies in my belly coming from the other side of the world in the UK i want you to know your loved and appreciated and i notice your heart full of love and the work you do
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Day 8 - Evening all - I missed a couple of check ins as I was up visiting my parents with my son. It was a great if tiring weekend. I spent a lot of time talking with my family about a lot of things and I feel closer to them now than I have done in a while. Which is really nice.
I am feeling positive as I end the weekend but exhausted so I will post more next time around.
One day at a time, as always.
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Youāre such a sweet lady, I got choked up reading that! All true, @Butterflymoonwoman .
I adore you even moreā¦ 
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Hi everyone, Iām just heading off to bed, and I thought that I would say hello.
Things are going well enough, Iāve finally finished a big job that I had been working to get through since the end of last month. Iām glad to have finished it.
Other than thatā¦ Iām about 15 minutes away from 44 days.
Goodnight all
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Wowā¦ oh manā¦ my eyes are tearing up 
. I feel like u have figured me out to a āTā lol. I grew up having the lowest of low self esteem. Hated myself to the core. Judged myself and was never ever satisfied with myself. When i found drugs at 15 I thought I had found my cure to how I felt. That void was gone āinitallyā. I felt belonging with those who suffered like me. After 22 years of hell on earth basically, seeing and experiencing and doing things that I would have never done clean and sober, I found glimpse of myself and the woman I was truly meant to be and a part of that for me is the passion I have for helping others. I hate seeing people suffer bcuz I know whatās itās like to be there (as many of us do). With my son, when he was diagnosed with his brainstem tumor, I lost myself even more. My whole focus was on him and trying to fight for him and his life (they still dont know how long he will live). I put myself and my health aside bcuz he needed me which I wouldnt change for anything. But at the same time I wasnāt healthy in many ways and that wasnāt beneficial for him or my hubby or myself. 160 days ago I stopped fighting. I stopped fighting addiction, my health, my financial stuff, I was so beyond tired and in so much pain emotionally, had so much regret and guilt and shame, that I had no other choice to just surrender it all and give everything to God. And that was my turning point and I surrender everyday. Literally I surrender everything every morning. Bcuz me running the show has proven to end horribly wrong every single time. I help others bcuz I truly care. And I will also continue to fight and advocate for my son. I promised myself that I would give him the best quality of life that he can have here on earth. I love you lady! I really do. U hold a very special place in my heart (as many people on here do). I just wish I could rid the world of addiction and suffering. I really wanna see us all succeed and live a happy, joyous, and free life 
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It took me a few min to clear my eyes when I read thatā¦ Iāll admit it 
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117 days 
Riding the waves. Sobriety, existence, life and death. Isnāt it strange how a death stirs all the memories up?
Trying to sit with my feelings. Iāve definitely coped in very unhealthy ways in the past to my pain. Self destructive, distract myself from the pain mechanisms.
Trying to just be with my feelings, not react.
Have a great day everyone.
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Good evening everyone. Checking in on day 338. Covid is hitting pretty good today. Havenāt left home and itās been getting to me. Had a ton of work to do before Monday when our new fence and stove gets out in so that drained me today. Also been getting some mixed feelings about my one year mark coming up. Not sure if itās normal, but since Iāve entered recovery my mindset has been I have to hit that year mark. But I know Iām overthinking it and just have to do what Iāve been doing for 338 days now and do it a day a at a time and keep being happy. Hope everyone stays safe and takes care!
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Hey just checking inā¦ still cleanā¦ I had a great day at work!!! I also saw my boyfriend for visitation for the first time and it went so gooood 
š„¹š„¹:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I am so happy and just so glad about my Higher Power taking me through thisā¦ I am so amazedā¦ anyway just letting you guys know how it went. Hope you had a great day!!
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Really glad u had a wonderful visit 
thanks for the update! Hope u have a great night!
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Checking in 5days. Thanks for the support.
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Hi guys Kat checking in Day 50.
An ok day but I neglected my kids by sleeping until 4 I couldnāt believe it. They are old enough to find food for themselves however. But not proud of self.
Needed a break (and so did my roommate) so had to say No when the 14 year old asked if he could stay a few extra days. I said he could come Wed and he accepted.
Did go to meeting tonight.
Love Kat
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Checking in on day 2. Heading to the airport with a friend and we have hours to spend there. Very dangerous territory but I canāt avoid it. I will order a soft drink before I even have time to think about it.
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Good plan!
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Checking in. Just completed day 2, another sober nights sleep with no hangover in the AM. Hope everyone had a great day 
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Evening Check in
Day 160
Canāt wait for a good sleep tonight. Also looking forward to tmrw as its Monday and a fresh week. Back to exercising, eating right, and more recovery related stuff. Really going to make an effort to make better choices for healthy living.
Something Iām going to think about:
Have a great night everyone!
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Hello friends. Checking in on day 408. I went for a nice long bike ride along the shore and got caught in a rain storm on the way back. I was soaked! It was refreshing. Took my kid to soccer practice tonight and we made smoothies. All in all a good day. Not destroyed by drink.
I hope everyone is well. Stay safe and strong.
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Day 145 of no self harm
My grandpa has another UTI. heās been in and out of the hospital since December and while it has only been minor complications( almost exclusively UTIās) since around March. it all started when he nearly died of sepsis. He recovered but had to get his gallbladder removed. that was probably late March or so. The issue is they have to give you a catheter when youāre knocked out for surgery. A catheter temporarily weakens your bladder and makes it difficult to pee on your own sometimes. My grandpa needed a catheter for a while until he was able to get his bladder strength back. Ever since then we have been going through this cycle of he gets a catheter, gets it out but then gets a UTI, and then needs a catheter again. I really think it has to be some kind of medical error because he has has at least 6 UTIās in the last year, when he never had one before. I donāt know how much longer he can keep going like this. Heās 83. His doctor can never get him in and my grandpa of course never says anything until heās in severe pain so we have to go to the ER.He saves his money very well, but someone has taken him to the ER at least once every other week MINIMUM which has racked up incredible debt. My grandpa is so anxious about it and he gets so frustrated so quickly whenever anyone tries to calm him down. Heās been prescribed medication for his current UTI but that has side effects of falling and cognitive decline. Yesterday he called the entire family insisting we had called him and told him we needed to talk to him when no one had called him. Itās breaking my heart to see him like this and my family isnāt exactly helpful. Just the other day My grandpa noticed this string on his catheter that you could use to tie to your belt loop so the bag stays put. My grandpa was having a hard time tieing it so my aunt just threw it away. They have 0 patience with him and I know that just makes him more upset. I am incredibly frustrated with how he hides everything until itās bad, but I never lash out at him or show aggression. That helps no one.
I donāt want to make this about me, I know itās my grandpa struggling. Itās just, if my grandpa isnāt around, I donāt have any good people in my family left. Heās my world right now. Heās the only shred of stability and safety I have. My plan has always been to ditch my family when he passes, but I wasnāt prepared for things to go so downhill so fast.
Something positive: my Xbox got here. Itās a lot of fun. I have to buy a tv because my laptop wouldnāt work as a monitor, but Iām supposed to get paid any day now so Iāll be able to play in my own room instead of having to wait for the living room tv to be free.
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