Just ordered all the books of ACA : adult children of disfunctional families. Not that mine was that bad, but they seem to have excellent working guides to help you figure out how your upbringing has affected your own beliefs and habits.
Struggling with myself last two days.
Part of me keeps telling me I got clean and sober to make life easier, less complicated. It didn’t. It got only more complicated and that part of me invites me to “let’s get back to normal” but with substances of long ago. So it won’t be “normal” but better or worse depending on the perspective.
My more reasonable part keeps reminding me nothing changed. I’m still me. Didn’t become someone else, actually stopped béing someone else.
The only thing that changed, is that at least I’m fully aware I’m not exactly one of God’s prototypes.
Thought about steps 1-3.
Maybe I’m just not fully accepting what goes on. Maybe I’ve been floating around on that pink, fluffy cloud of finally finding a missing piece of the puzzle, but finally also realising that cloud will fade, making me realise this last piece is more difficult than I wanted to see.
Or maybe my higher power has bad days as well.
Maybe my higher power also tells itself sometimes “allright, this one I fucked up but it’s okay to make mistakes”. After all God as I see it should be self-compassionate I guess thinking:
Happy to hear about your path of grace and purpose @Piglet86. God works deeply, like the microscopic organisms and the underground forces that make this Earth such a rich, plentiful place: it’s so often the things we can’t see, that keep us alive.
Congratulations on 30 days. I remember when you first arrived you shared about your experiences at these points in time (2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc etc) and how mixed they’d been. It sounds like you’re feeling different now. Are you in a different space than you were before? What’s changed?
Hi all, checking in on a beautiful day here with clear blue skies. Just finished my morning run. It is often a battle to get out the door but I never regret the run. I’m grateful for that.
Reflecting on my sobriety path I was thinking today, during my run, about intimacy. Primarily I mean emotional intimacy, though I think physical intimacy in a relationship grows out of that, so they’re related. But in terms of intimacy with my wife, I’m reflecting on how my time in addiction has made intimacy kind of a guessing game with me. I feel like I’m learning to play basketball and most people around me already know the game, and have since they were kids. Me on the other hand, I’m feeling frustrated and clumsy. I know I won’t give up - I’m nothing if not stubborn - but still it is an awkward feeling.
I personally think this is key. There’s basically two places we can be: here (in the here and now, with all its uncertainties and its requirements for us to have healthy but also nerve-wracking vulnerability and exposure), or not here (which is a state of fantasy: this could be this, that could have been, what if ____, blah blah - living in a fantasy world instead of living in the practical world of making real constructive things).
When we’re here, really here, we’re safe. It takes effort and attention, but it works. It always works.
When we’re not here, we’re at risk. We may get lucky and float along for awhile, but eventually, inevitably, we get in trouble.
Happy Monday, just got back from a training session with my now 14vmth old rottweiler Laney she really has been my anchor over the last Yr I don’t think I would of ever left the house if it wasn’t for her, but BC she’s such a large breed Ive been working hard on obedience and having a well mannered all round crazy dog, which she is, I’m off swimming with my son and his friend today then park and a cold slushie as I ways say its the simple life and the simple living I’m after, won’t lie mental health us my health in general gas taken a dive, I did quit smoking 10 mths ago so I’m 18 llbs up. But it’s all things that can be looked at. Lv n light to you all.
Checking in, sober ! Still in pain, went to the doctor, so we will see.
About a month ago an old schoolfriend sendt me a FB message. We have not spoken regulare for years, Just here and there. The message said: Im an alcoholic . And I was a little shocked. Did not see that coming. This person dont know of my problem with alcohol. Now I wonder if there was a meaning that this person sendt me a message with their problem to me, the same problem I have.
Karate with your son sounds great time to bond and have time together, when I’m feeling abit better in myself I may look into this aswell, good job on 30 days that first month can be the hardest, always goid to be always moving forward can’t have a foot in each world BC as for myself I would do this in active addiction and it just isn’t stastainable. Big hugs and enjoy karate.
Personally I’d just leave it, you got your own plate of issues to be dealing with, as you said you have hardly spoken at all so it’s not like it’s a close friend you see ifren, if your thinking she’s reaching out for help send her some links, or if she’s really wanting help and is serious about it she will definitely reach out again real soon, I’ve learned we can’t save anyone else but we can help set them up with the resources to help themselves then it’s up to them.
**Day 6 **
Here’s to day 6 on the path to success in creating a better me Had a fun weekend with the S/O but half way in the car ride she said she wanted to go back to not being together and have her own room again after getting back together, now she’s talking to another guy blatantly infront of me says they are not serious yet and dose not know what they will become or what me and her will become, she says she sees I am trying and that she knows I love her, I will continue to give her space yet still
Show her I love her through staying sober and showing my love through actions and commitment. Any advise ?
Having some hard feelings this morning and really trying to address them and figure out what’s causing it. A little frustrated, anger, sadness. Maybe the weather, maybe just one of those days I’ll pull myself out of it, hitting a meeting and group much love everyone
Reached 90 days sober yesterday. Mom is getting better finally after 4 months in the hospital. Went hiking in New Hampshire this weekend and climbed 4 peaks over 4k in elevation. Life is good
thinking:
I remember when you first arrived you shared about your experiences at these points in time (2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc etc) and how mixed they’d been. It sounds like you’re feeling different now. Are you in a different space than you were before? What’s changed?
