@Rockstar24777 That’s wonderful!
@Staringupfromthewell That is frustrating. Your time with your son is about maintaining your relationship as a parent, not when she needs a baby sitter.
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119 days 
Still in a pretty sad and flat place. But I’m sober, and getting through it with a clear mind.
This will pass.
Have a great day everyone x
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Congrats on 60 days!!! Not an easy feat. Now everyday is a new milestone for you. I hope youre enjoying your newfound freedom
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Congratulations on your 119 days.
When I have rough days around mental health and emotions, to stay sober I have to take it
‘one day at a time’
And I also do this with my mental health ‘just for today’.
Some days it helps more than others but it does make a difference to see it like this and not just for sobriety but for a range of tough stuff we go through.
Your doing so well, I hope these feelings move in quickly for you.
Lots of hugs 
Edit: I fell asleep for 40 mins and it was just a drinking dream, or rather a dream of me trying hard to get a drink but didnt happen 
12:38am here. Really dont want to mess up my sleep pattern and routine, it all goes down from there, not having a good nights sleep or st least 3 hours.
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Day 143.
Its been a time. Waiting on whether I am accepted to an apartment. Early august will be 5 months. Had some cravings some days but am in a committed pattern of just not using or paying them attention.
Met a therapist I like. We share important values. I told her more than I thought I would. Idk if I am making a mistake trusting her but you guys have seen how depressed and stagnant my posts have been. I dont want that to be my only effect on the world.
Grateful for food, my art, a day of painting tomorrow. I get to use a giant professional paintbrush and that makes me happy. Grateful for the shower im about to take and a nice shampoo.
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Amazing. Im glad you didnt relapse. It doesnt necessarily get easier but over time life does change, in a way for sure better than the path where you use.
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I’m so glad u found a good therapist. They truly can make all the difference in the world. Really hoping u hear back about that apartment soon 
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Checking in for the first time on day 5. I’m still feeling strong but work has been crazy busy/stressful the last 2 days and it’s definitely testing me. I keep having this intrusive thought that I don’t want to quit drinking forever. There are so many upcoming events that I would typically get drunk at. I know it’s just my alcoholic mind trying to manipulate me and I’m still focusing on one day at a time…. But how long can I keep this up? I know there are much harder days ahead and I’m not sure I’m mentally strong enough to make it. Ugh!
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Evening Check in
Day 162
The day has been good overall but I am beyond drained. I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. Hubby got home from work and he made this perogy casserole dish with ham, onion, mushroom soup. Smells good anyway. I am dying for some self care. A nice hot shower. A good show. Good food. I bought myself frozen yogurt today to cure the sweet tooth so I’m not binging on unhealthy foods.
I am not only physically exhausted but mentally I’m drained too. I have sooooo much running thru my mind about my son going into grade 1. For the past 3 years he had a teacher from a special program come to the home for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week (school readiness sort of thing). He’s heading to a special medical type of school August 15th. They have nurses there and therapy plus education. It’s quite nice. I have serious trust issues tho with others to look after my boy properly. And I need to learn to let go just a bit. I have to start trusting that people are properly trained and that they can care for him. Then there’s the fact that I’m going to be alone with my mind going stir crazy bcuz I won’t know what to do with time for me while hes in school! Right now, the alone time I get for me everyday is 1.5 hours from 530-7am when I workout, and 20 min at 1030pm for a shower. With my son gone to school for half days, what will I do with myself? Lol Im not concerned about using or anything… just more how to fill my time. I haven’t had this kind of time for me to be alone in YEARS! Nervous about what will come up in my thinking if Im in my head too much (trauma stuff or whatever). So idk. I’ll work on a new routine I guess. Alot of fear going on in my head right now. Worry but also excitement for my son to really grow in a “real” school setting. And some excitement for me to just do stuff for me. I can’t even remember a time where I just sat in a coffee shop with myself and read a book or sat at home in silence and tried to meditate without interruptions lol. Idk if I’m ready for this honestly.
I’m just too much in my head right now 
Thanks for reading another long post lol
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Day 410. Feeling a bit under the weather today. So far negative covid tests. My partner and kids have left town for a few days and I am here alone. In the past, this would have been a huge opportunity for hitting up the bars and liquor store. For tonight anyway I think I’ll have a hot tea and go to bed early. Stay strong, friends.
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Awe thanks girl! I’m really trying to think positively about all this. Trying to see the excitement and the opportunities that will come up for both of us bcuz of him attending grade 1. How old is ur little one?
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Yes August 15 is his first day A bus comes and picks him up in his wheelchair and there’s a nurse on the bus to tend to h and other students. Then nurses at the school. The school has a great reputation but I have to let go abit. I think it’s hard for moms in general to trust others with our kiddos. Especially for us adults who have seen and been thru alot and know what’s out there. U excited about ur childs new adventure? Do u have a schedule or routine for urself for when they are in school?
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I feel like I will be the same way… thinking all the time about him. I work very well on routine. Even my eating is on a routine haha so I am going to make a new one for when he goes to school too. Maybe even take up some photography with my phone or something. I even thought about an actual gym membership but then thot… well that’s a waste of $$ bcuz there is a basic gym here lol
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Checking in on day 390! More so just to vent. So I literally just got done a zoom meeting for relapse prevention, and my partner is so inconsiderate he comes into the bedroom and does a bong rip of meth right infront of me!! I’m pregnant and have asked him multiple times not to use around me! Not that it even triggers me anymore I’m over that phase but I’m overall just sick of it and can’t wait until I save enough to get my own place and get away from him! Just toxic and really mean that he keeps doing this! I’m just frustrated beyond words
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Dont future trip. Seriously just take it one day at a time. You dont have to decide to attend these events today. As you get some sobriety under your belt you may decide not to go because the stressors will be too much. You have the freedom to say no to those events
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@Lucy88 Congrats on 390 days! Thats impressive. And thats bullshit of your “partner”. Keep saving up for you and your child! Have you explored some charities that work with expectant mothers to find housing?
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Yes I am working with them now I’m working with a bunch of different places but lots of them take time and have a wait list for certain things. But shouldn’t be too long!!
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Future trip, that’s such a good word for it lol. But yes that’s exactly what I do! The one day at a time concept has really been helping but I guess it’s just harder to stay focused some days. I really need to get into meditation I think.
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Day 147 of no self harm
My new training class for work was setting up equipment today and yesterday so tomorrow I actually start my new training. I’ve been getting paid to play my Xbox the last 2 days lol. I’m gonna put way more effort into this training class now that I know how difficult it is going to be. I at least have a foundation from my previous class.
I’ve been keeping myself busy so I’m not really feeling anything but then as usual when I lay down at night everything floods back. I’ve been crying a lot at night. I’m trying to be open but my brain is closing itself back up.
I don’t like to admit it but I think I’m fully back into my eating disorder. I can’t get out. Yesterday I had this change of heart and started putting things I’d eat on the grocery list and today I’m angry that I ate a meal. I feel awful physically and I want that to change, but I don’t want to eat. A few days ago I ate a few Skittles and my brain panicked and stopped the feeling of hunger. I have to force myself to eat a reasonable amount of anything because after a few bites I just stop being hungry. I know I need to recover (I never really recovered from it, but it got a bit better) if I want to improve mentally but the concept of eating terrifies me.
Something positive: I ate a full meal for the first time in a week. I’m also going to make myself start checking in daily again. I’ve been closed off from my friends and I at least know that this is a safe place
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