Good afternoon all, checking in on day 341. Been about a week with Covid so I decided to test again. Only had one test and it came back negative so that’s a good sign. Think a neighbor may be swinging by some more test kits and hopefully I’ll be back to work on Friday and seeing all my residents! Funny how the residents were complete strangers a few months ago and now I’m getting calls everyday to check on how I’m doing from them. Feels nice to be wanted somewhere, as in the past people fled if I walked in a room or knew I was coming because I would do something dumb or fall on my face drunk. Fence went up with only a slight battle with the landowner next door, in the end I think he realized he got a free fence out of it haha and was just an older gentleman and tbh think he just wanted something to be mad about. But all went well and is working out great! Hope everyone stays safe and takes care!
Good Morning,
I think I was missing in action on this post for the last 2 days but here I am. Day 44 still sober.
Things with my grandma have turned to worst. Her cancer diagnosis is bad. It’s already aggressive and spreading. She’s such a tough optimistic woman. She’s conveyed to her children not to be sad. She says if its her time it’s her time. She just turned 70 las year. She is a strong woman of faith and she truly isn’t afraid of dying. She has already asked for what she wants if she passes. Cremation and intimate memorial. Just her children, grandchildren and all of our S/O. She should be starting chemo soon. My mom has already taken leave of absence from work to care for her. She’s on so many meds that she needs round the clock care. My mom is sad as we all are. My grandma has been such joy in all of our lives. She has been the prime example of a single mom fighting tooth and nail for her kids. Every single one of us is doing good in life and that has given her so much peace. Alcohol and drugs took many years of peace from her. Most of her kids have been alcoholics and or alcoholic drug users. Thank god all are now in recovery or have truly been able to moderate and drink like good ladies and gentlemen. I believe I was the last of the bunch 
. I am her eldest grandchild and I was raised by her. She and I have a very close relationship. I would even dare to say that I have been spoiled beyond by her. She has always believed I would also turn myself around and well here I am working this journey to a healthier alcohol free me. Even through this is a very hard time for me I have no desire to drink. I want to be fully present for all of it. The good and the bad. I want to deal with all the emotions there will be to deal with because if this situation. I don’t want to be numb and want to be of support for my mother who I know will need me and my sibling that much more than she has ever needed us. I am grateful that we have had her for as long as we have. Although she has been diagnosed with cancer her health had always been good. We have had so many good times with her. There are lots of good and fun memories with her. She has also been a super loving and caring great grandma. Man she has had so much love to go around. I am glad she has had a plentiful life.
Thank you all for your read.
Congrats to all who have hit milestones.
Lets keep going.
@Mindymoo Thanks for your shout out. Hope you are enjoying your time. Is your family back yet?
ODAAT 
Happy soberversary beloved. 
That’s a big bummer about you grant Mindy. Especially if it took you ten days to write it up. That sucks. And an old friend from secondary school killing themself is quite the shock. That is horrible.
I glad you realized drinking isn’t going to help any of your situation. Probably make it worse when you get up next day. I’m glad you chose the fruit and nut and Diet Coke. Great choice in a difficult and new situation. And good job checkin in here.
Keep checking in. It really helped me when things were shit.
Hang in there for the rest of the evening. At least that is one thing YOU can control.
Ita so wonderful to see ur name pop up! I’m glad ur here and even tho ur going thru a hard time right now feeling unwell, ur positivity is refreshing. No matter what happens in recovery, nothing is worse than being in active addiction. Also… speaking of recovery… a huge congratulations on being 6 months cocaine free! Wow 
really proud of u!
Checking in day 92. Start of work week. Have a great day everyone!
Hey Mindy,
Sorry to hear about the grant and your schoolmate. It’s amazing we are learning new ways to cope with the things that are challenging and hard at the moment for us. Happy to hear you opted for an alternative. Its ok to have some sugar right now.
Thank you for writing to me regarding my share. I think just like your mom’s mom my grandma will keep her personality. I am sure she in her spirit will do just fine. Her body I know will deteriorate but her spirit will remain just as bright.
Hope your kiddos come back soon. When my eldest goes to visit his dad I miss him the first few hours he’s gone. Silly but that kiddo and I are very attached. Hope your day gets better. Lets keep going strong. Happy we have this connection and thank you for checking on me and my grandma’s status in the past.
Checking in
Day 163
Decides to sleep in today until 7am instead of heading to the gym. Dint feel too bad about it bcuz I really needed the rest. Got up, ate a healthy breakfast, and did some cleaning. Have a work related zoom mtg for 3 hours in the afternoon. It’s really nice to make money from home haha. Going to smudge with sage first and eat some lunch. Just needing to feel grounded right now. Even though my HP is God, for many years I practiced the Aboriginal culture and I do still see amazing benefits of the culture, the medicines, teachings, and ceremony.
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
Hey glad the fence went up!!
Your coming up to a year I noticed, that’s amazing.
Glad everything Is okay with you.
Today is my day 300 I didn’t think I’d feel any different but then I seen your 341 and it made me realise wow your almost at a years and wow I’m almost at your sober time and that means I’m doing really well, your doing great my friend congratulations.
@Lovelyoutlook I am sorry to hear about your grandma 
I have your family in my prayers during this difficult time. Your grandma’s positive attitude must make it that little bit easier but ever so sad st the same time.
I’m glad your here with us and feel able to share this so we can be here for you.
Congratulations on your 44 days. 
To everyone above this post who has there big 3-4 years there a few of you, congratulations that’s absolutely fantastic to see these huge milestones. Hope havent missed any of you.
@Desire2ChangeToday @SoberGuyUSA @Eke
@Mindymoo That is annoying to have been told no to the grants you spent so long writing for, but also I’m gathering what it was for also was important so I’m sorry to hear this.
I also have felt like there has been moments I have thought I could just have a bottle, no one would know… but I would and that stopped me. I think you did great getting past that by having some treats. It must of been difficult at the shop making that choice but I’m proud of you.
My close friend I loved to peices after the first lockdown took her own life. It is heartbreaking to hear of this even if you didnt see or know them for years it still shocks us and hurts.
I hope your feeling okay though, despite feeling stuff around you is not going well. I’m here if you ever need a chat.
@CATMANCAM great to see you post and hope you feel better very soon. 6 months congratulations
@KatoBaggels congratulations on your 8 days. It seems your in a very difficult situation. And trying to do what’s right.
Woman during pregnancy all are different the hormones really can mess us up and have us not being our usual selves. Although I cant say for definitely that’s what happening here but dont give up hope, keep going with your sobriety and I hope things get better for you it sounds tough what your going through. Here if you ever want a chat.
@Piglet86 congrats on your 32 days so glad to hear your feeling great.
Checking in Day 300
Abouts to go to an AA meeting that is close to my home at 7:30pm. This will be my second ever meeting during this time of sobriety.
Looking forward to getting to it, and then coming home having some pizza and reading a book and reading here in bed.
Have a lovely morning/afternoon/evening where ever in the world you are.
I’m sorry to hear the news about your Grandma. She sounds like a wonderful person full of love. You and your Grandma are really courageous. I wish I could think of better words to say, or words that would make things better but I am thinking of you both.
973 days without gaming
The last weeks have been exhausting. Both mentally and physically. Running 60% of a store whilst inexperienced and terrified of making mistakes sucks.It took a toll on my mental health. I felt like I was doing a terrible job. I took all feedback as if it was a flaw of my character. I was miserable.
But at the same time I started realising all of the above. Stuff I thought wasn’t a problem for me anymore. That was a bummer.
During what was supposed to be my last session with my psychologist, we decided that there’s still hurt from my past that we can work with.
-my fear of hurting people because I have been hurt so much and so often.
-my fear of making mistakes as doing so would end in verbal, emotional and in times even physical abuse.
-my fear of asking help since it would mean that I’m stupid according to my dad.
I’m not saying this to throw a pity party. Because it’s positive that I’m aware of my problems. It allows me to face my challenges and grow.
And that’s what I’m doing. Once I realised what was wrong, I started rationalising.
Does making a mistake mean I’m bad at my work? No, it means I still have things I can learn.
Should I solve everybody’s problems because having them solve their own issues causes displeasure for them?
No, I don’t like solving their mistakes. They won’t learn anything from it. And it costs a ton of valuable time.
So that’s making me feel a lot stronger.
And I’ve brushed my teeth 5 days in a row which is massive for me 
Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
her positivity sure helps but like you said certainly doesn’t take the sadness away.
As I told my mom we are human and we will have theses feelings and it’s ok.
We must show her good spirits and make her as comfortable and cared for as possible.
Huge congrats on 300 days 
973 days huge congratulations.
This really stuck out to me, I’m glad you realise that it isnt you, people have many opinions but it is just that, their opinion. It doesnt make them right.
Sometimes we learn from others and feedback can be helpful but I think this hit me as I can relate to that feeling. Thank you for helping me see this in a different light.
You have a very positive way of looking at things, its nice to see this.
Your doing great
This is great. I love how this helped you realize there is still growth to be made. I am a firm believer that we never stop growing and evolving.
Ya you are doing well!! Good for you Twizzle on the:
Thank you, and thank you to every one
@Dazercat you have been so supportive from day1 and I know you have been for so many of us.
Thank you and hope things are good your end.
Thank you for your kind words. Sharing here has been of a lot of help. Everyone is so lovely and supportive. I am glad I can share with you all.
I’m sorry to hear about the very sad news of your grandma L. I know we all wanted better news for her and you.
I will also be praying for your grandmother and you and your family during this difficult time.
Thank you Eric.
We sure appreciate all the good thoughts and prayers 