I need to be honest with myself, I’m free of alcohol but still deal with many faults/flaws/ other addictions. I work too hard just to distract myself. I’m either exercising or behind my computer. Not really living(addictionfree). Im putting way too high standards continuously striving to be better than others. Just because I internalized the thought I’m less than them.
Hope I can work on some of these points. Now I got the negatives out, I’m still glad I stopped drinking. I’d be way worse if I didn’t.
The company I work at is moving and really wants me to move with them. I had a job interview today aswel. I haven’t thought about anything else the last couple days. I just don’t know what job to go for. Guess I’ll just need to sleep on it. Good night everyone
120 days
Grateful to be sober. Struggling with a lot of things, but I’m proud of my sobriety so that’s one thing I guess.
Have a wonderful day everyone x
Hello strangers. I am back on Day 1 from a pretty significant relapse. Life is pretty bad right now, overall. Financially, things are devastating and I crawled into a dark hole to hide. I have a new position coming up, so somehow I have to hang on for one more month until those paychecks start coming in.
I woke up this morning knowing that I can’t make it while drinking and poured out the beer.
I have thrown away A LOT of beer over the years. Here I am, not really wanting to quit but knowing that I can’t dig out of the mess I am in if I keep numbing it away.
I never stopped going to meetings. If it doesn’t stick this time, I am going to rehab. Though, I have so many 30-60 periods and thousands of meetings, so I am not certain that’s the answer. The fear of following through on that commitment will have to be enough. I don’t want to know what rock bottom looks like if I keep digging. It probably means death.
For me, it’s all about complacency. I have a long way to go before I can miss one meeting, one day of checking in, one day of journaling. When one thing falls away, the others shortly follow and before you know it: Beer in hand. I have done all the things but this time, my mental state is far lower than ever before. I know I will die or become homeless and destitute if I give an inch. I had no intention of quitting today until I woke up this morning.
I have been messing around with this for a long, long, time. I gain nothing from drinking and gain so much from not.
Sounds like you have the willingness. Remember how shitty you feel now because in a few days your alcoholic mind will try tricking you! Keep checking in!
Currently feeling manic. Its all fun and games until the racing thoughts inspire anxiety. Im bipolar type 2 – the depressive kind. I cycle into hypomania every few months. This is the first time ive been manic since getting sober. New learning experience. I hope i can sleep tonight
Day 3. Went to a meeting yesterday for the first time in a v long time. I was called on to speak. I briefly did but could barely get through it b/c of the tears.
@Lovelyoutlook That is hard. Your grandmother sounds wonderful. I know you will be sober to support her.
@Mindymoo I found out a few weeks ago a classmate was murdered. Like you, I didn’t keep in great touch, FB birthday wishes, etc, but so shocking and makes you think about your own life.
Had a great day. Went to a river with a friend and opened up to her about not drinking more than before. Turns out she too struggles a bit and tries to find more sober activities to do. We’ve been friends for a while and it’s come up a bit before but I feel like I shared more today, so its really helping me stay focused. Came home to my husband having already had a couple… Makes it harder but I’ll be ok. Her husband also still drinks. I think her and I should hang out more!
Had a relapse dream last night. In the dream I had been drinking for a few days. I felt bad cuz I didn’t make it to one year . Anyways, I woke up and felt good af knowing I was still sober. Crazy.
Ima go for a walk in a bit. Everything is going well. Not going back to the poison. Just gotta stay focused.
Sober is the way.
@Rockstar24777 congrats on your job anniversary, bro. Stay up, homie.
@Clarity congrats on 2 years. Used to drive up to Temecula with the fam. Dr. Pepper is my favorite! My wife and kids hate it lol. They say it tastes like medicine. I’m like, yall keep hating! Take care.
@CATMANCAM good to see u back on this thread posting. I remember your shotouts. Always keeping up with the TS fam. Stay strong.
@Twizzlers congrats on 300 days. I’m right behind ya. Get that pizza.
Doing okish today. I was supposed to get an email from work to start my training but I haven’t received anything. I text both my managers but they are known for ignoring people and have even admitted to ignoring me before. I don’t think it’s me missing the email though because I’ve gotten emails the first 2 days just fine. The first 2 days are equipment setup so I’m wondering if they just needed an extra day to setup. If I haven’t heard back after lunch tomorrow I’m just gonna start calling them.
I only ate some tator tots today. I need to dedicate myself to forcing myself to eat whether I’m hungry or not
Something positive: Currently playing Xbox with my friend, having a good time.
Evening Check in Day 163
Been a frustrating evening BUT even with what happened, I kind of felt like I handled it in a better way. My hubby was kind of cranky. He was hungry and extremely worn out as he works outside all day in the crazy heatwave we’ve been having. So I don’t blame him. He made a comment saying I didn’t do something when I really did. I had the text message to him to prove it lol He completely dismissed the whole topic like he always does when he’s in the wrong. No apology or talking about it of any kind. Anyway… I could’ve held onto this and been fuming and then fallen into that pity party trap, but I actually pulled myself out of it this time. I felt msyelf going there. I could hear my inner dialogue going into “poor me”, and I shut it down and just chose to continue being kind and taking care of what I had to take care of. Focused on me. I put our boy to bed and then I showered and made conversation with my hubby. I’m eating frozen yogurt right now and enjoying my evening. I really feel proud of this bcuz I often go into a pity party when me and hubby argue. I take things very personally. But I think I did well tonight
What a massive achievement.
. Anyways, I woke up and felt good af knowing I was still sober. Crazy.
Evening Check in 