congrats on your 1 week 
nice work.
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Hi everyone, 60 days for me yesterday! Cravings have stopped, maybe thats down to my best friend been hospitalised with the DTs and having a seizure from drinking. Sheās on day 6 now in hospital and Iāve been there every day with her. Thereās me thinking I was the one with the problem with drinkā¦I knew she drank but not to that extent. She admitted she was drinking two bottles of wine a night the last two years then with me telling her how good I felt (depression, panic attacks, my motivation for life returning) she tried to stop and ended up in hospital. She swears now that this is it and no more drinking, I just hope to hell she means it. The hospital offered her aftercare and she said yes to everything, so thats a good start. Thanks for listening
Scary to think that could of been me aswell.
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Thatās the great thing about 90 days, 100 is just round the corner. Been watching from afar, proud of you Brian 
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congrats on your double digits
125 days 
Horrendous storms here. No walks or sunshine is dampening the spirit. Iāve taken up piano with my daughter, trying to keep my brain engaged and active during these wet cloudy days.
I meal prepped a bunch on Sunday so hoping I can just eat well, practice my hobbies and look forward to easier sunnier days 
Have a great day everyone.
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This was so comforting to read. Thank you 
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I absolutely love that you managed to end your post off on something positive. Yesterday sounded really tough and you made it through!!!
Something that I have learned in life is that my dreams are always changing. Once I have attained something I dreamt of I seem to dream for something else. I believe that as you continue on your journey you will begin to envision a new type of dream girl. A person who will fit better with who you are becoming a you progress in your recovery. If you keep those positive thoughts flowing and keep your nose pointed in the right direction, everything is going to work out just fine for you. I have lots of faith. Sending you a big squeeze. 
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Thank you ā¦ not everyday is easy or chill but over all I feel pretty good in my recovery
Thank you so much. I do tend to realize that my dreams arenāt typically what I imagined them to be like once I achieve them.
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Day 2 
A lot of interesting things happened yesterday
I took decisions about what Iām going to do in the next period of my life 
I had lasagne 
and I bought Pepsi in this hot weather 
I wish today would be better and more productive
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(TW: self harm, s**cide)
Checking in again today. Iāve been trying to post here consistently now, I think this might be day 3. I wonāt have my car back until Wednesday after the accident. Iām staying with family right now too because itās closer to where I work, but itās triggering to be around them too. Itās a very chaotic environment and a lot of bad things have happened in this house. The accident was the worst possible timing because my mental health was already really at a low. The stress of it all and the trauma in this house has made me feel terrible the last few days. People here often still fight and itās still triggering to me, reminding me of when this would always happen when I was a kid. Iāve found out Iām still extremely sensitive to arguing, raised voices etc. If someone yells at me I still want to cry. As a man I feel self-conscious of being āsensitiveā or being triggered and wanting to cry.
I called this hell week to a couple of my friends. Honestly my depression and the urge to relapse and self harm is really strong. Iāve even been having suicidal thoughts again a lot lately. My brain just 24/7 shouting that Iām not worth it, that life is only struggle, that it wonāt ever be ok for me. The trauma is too great and Iāve screwed life up already too badly to ever get better.
I donāt know where to start, what I even need to do, what I CAN do. It feels like a jigsaw puzzle with infinite pieces; every time I think I fit a few pieces together 500 more loose pieces appear. I feel very alone through all this. I havenāt been hugged in years and I wish someone could just grab me and say Iām not crazy for feeling this way, Iām not alone, and I donāt have to give up on everything. Every problem feels too big right now. Iām sorry, itās been a bad day again. Iām starting to cry as I type this.
Thanks everyone for the positivity again.
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Congratulations on your on week of ODAATs Cole.
Keep up the good work.
Iām glad your here.
And btw. Love the avatar.
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Sitting outside feeling a breeze after a miserably hot day. There is a lightning storm sitting in the sky stationary. Itās been nonstop for 45 minutes now. No rain. Just Mother Nature setting off fireworks. Itās spectacular!! I tried to share a short vid on Cloud Watching but wasnāt allowed. Sigh.
The heat and humidity drained me badly today so Iām headed to bed a little early. Still have that serenity in my soul and Iām very grateful for it.
Have a blessed night all
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Wow congrats @Bluekoolaid thatās fucking awesome
Check in on day eh . Xxxxx
I am getting a bit frustrated with the local musicians for hire market, if your calling me emailing me whatever, to do work for you be prepared,
So lesson for the im hiring a hired gun for a show or studio work
Want a hired gun for a show? Great what are we going to be playing? Where, how long? What time? These are important so I know if I can take the gig, or not,
Studio work? What kind?
What do you want from me, and how much are you gonna pay me.
Can I have samples of the music?
I get that alot of people starting out are learning the ropes, but when I reply saying hey I can but I need more info, it always ends up hee and humming like donāt waste my time I wonāt waste yours, or Iām gonna say ok studio work 100/hr industry standard 300 dollar minimum. Your ok with that Iāll come on over and waste all your time
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Evening Check in
Day 168
Managed to have a decent day. Did well watching my tone again with hubby. He doesnāt even do anything to deserve it half the time. Its just the irritable side of me wanting to come out. Iāve had enough of this heat honestly and I know that it contributes to my bitchiness. So Iām happy that I did well with my tone today. I got my stuff ready for my dreamcatcher. Iām making an 8" dreamcatcher for this ladies niece. She wanted the Leo Constellation in the webbing and then in the centre a horse charm. Colors being light blue, light green, and white. So interesting combo. Iāll try make it very unique for her. Had a couple people ask about cakes too but didnāt accept them due to the heat. Im branching out to something new tho for the fall. They are called Cocoa Bombs (basically something u pour warm milk over and it melts and opens up to cocoa mix and marshmallows inside). Iām excited to practice and get those on the menu Other than that just wanting a good rest tonight. Hope everyone has had a good day!
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Oh my GOSH!
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Day 289 AF
Whatās up, fam.
Had a heated moment last evening. Thought about boozing for a second, but it passed.
Work was okay today.
Gonna go for a walk in a minute.
Have a goodnite everyone!
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An hour later and the storm woke me up. Pouring rain. Nonstop lightening. I think it struck our solar panels and that woke me up. Still have power but had a massive surge and lost internet. All clocks are showing an error message. My firestick completely reset. Our trash can was at the curb for morning pickup and itās over turned with trash everywhere. Donāt dare step outside the house. When I say continual lightening Iām not kidding. Itās extremely dangerous to be outside. Iāve never seen a storm like this. Iāve been through tornadoes and hurricanes and wasnāt this terrified. Itās because my granddaughter is at work and has to drive home in this. I wonāt sleep again until she makes it home. Sorry for the rambling. I needed to vent. Pic is a radar map of our area right now. Each yellow blot is a lightening strike. I think I temporarily lost my serenity.
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