I know exactly what you mean; they will form patterns. I have about 5 seconds of peace when I first wake up and then it starts. If you find something that works, please let me know.
It’s okay to give yourself a pat on the back - you earned it!
@Claire_Quit I like the tea idea I’m going to have some before I go to bed. @Hayleylujah Outdoor theatre looks awesome, I wish we had that here in Topeka. @RecoveringJP Congrats on 11 months, the Big One is right around the corner!
Lets both go to Alaska…
Day 17
Today has been painfully nondescript. My job advisor came by. The productivity of our meetings is hit-or-miss and today was a miss. She did drive me to the pharmacy to get some meds, that was a positive. I’m just frustrated with the way one day flows into another with nothing getting done. That’s what happens when I’m on a bender, I just watch time go by. I hate being in that same state when I’m sober because I’m acutely aware of time’s empty passing.
That might explain why I’m in kind of a surly mood tonight. Oh, well. I’m gonna have some tea and call it a day. Have a great evening sober friends!
Day 177 without self harm . TW for mentions of sexual abuse at the end of the post
Had my first day at work today! I’ll admit it was A LOT and very exhausting. I got sent to work in the 1 year old section. 2 people (including me) are taking care of 9 one year olds. It’s a lot. We also have a biter. She bit two kids today (drawing blood on one) and then another kid saw that she was biting and then he bit 2 other kids as well. They did lots of crying.
As much as my back hurts, and as tired as I am, I loved it at the same time. Changing diapers and feeding times were exhausting but then there was points were i just got to play with them which was an amazing way to wind down. They all seemed to really like me. I had about 5 different kids trying to cuddle with me at the same time at one point.
I can really see myself doing this long term. I’m also thinking that the physical demands are going to make me start eating more. I tried to not eat today and by lunch time I was super dizzy and had to call my mom and ask to bring me food. I packed a lunch for tomorrow. I may start driving as well because it’s so hot and I’m so exhausted I really can’t walk home. And I’d like to be able to go get food on my own accord during lunch. I’m gonna try to start practicing on Sundays.
Only bad thing I have to say is tomorrow I have to get a pelvic ultrasound which is internal. So that’s quite violating as is, let alone with my past of sexual abuse. I actually already did the ultrasound once before and no one told me I had to have a completely full bladder for it so it was for nothing. I was completely dazed for a few days after. So I have to deal with that again. I’m just hoping this gives me some answers as to why my periods are so messed up. Had one for over a year.( it just ended a few months ago) so I definitely want some answers. I’ll let you all know how I’m doing after.
I hope everyone is having a good and sober day. Thank you all for your congrats
It was my way of saying I was too young to see the original in theaters cause I was like 3 years old when it came out but I have a practical theater at home you didn’t have that in 1985
Overall a pretty bad ass movie, not as good as the OG but Yano.
You should know that anything you share with the sonogram person will be confidential. Even if your Mom is in the waiting room. You could ask that it not be put on your chart because you don’t want your mother to know in case she ever had access to the chart. Telling the sonogram person might make it less of a traumatic experience for you. The sonogram person may be able to talk to you a little bit and give you special care in your time of need.
Proud of you with your job and with all your days that you have that you haven’t self harmed.
Congratulations on your new job, it sounds amazing but also some challenges in a good way.
Yes looking after little ones you will defo need to br eating and drinking properly in the day.
Your doing so well, I’m so happy to read this
Good luck for your hospital appointment.
Thinking of you today
You should be feeling proud, you have done brilliant.
Ita so lovely to read as you put it you fixed a big problem that meant alot to your son and to you it’s a shared moment together. superwoman
That is such an honor! I’m so proud of you and grateful for your service.
What I loved after quitting smoking is never having that taste in your mouth of stale cigarettes. All your clothes, jackets, etc. smell clean and not like a smokehouse, same with your hair. And holy shit, the money you save!!!
It’s a tough habit to break, but you’re a Bad Ass Lady! You can do this, it’s really worth it for so many reasons.
I was so sad when I read that the balloon flew away and made him cry. But you fixed it, the great sober mom you are, I’m proud of you too. And you made his day.
I’m ending tonight on a happy note, wayyyy past when I should be going to bed since I work in the morning. I hope you have a good weekend, sending many hugs your way!
superwoman 
