Evening Check In
Day 192
Today was overall a good day. Exercised, paid bills, & went grocery shopping. Iāve been struggling immensely with late night snacking. Iāll eat well for the entire day and then once our son goes to bed my hubby and I almost always snack on something while watching one of our shows. This is where I fall 
Iāll eat really sugary foods which puts my calories wayyy over and makes me feel gross. So today I made the choice to get some rice cakes for these late night snacking episodes. Then came home to have a lavender scented bath while doing a meditation. Did some cleaning. Fed the eel. Read some pages out of this book Iām reading. Then went to pic up my boy from the bus. He had a bday party at school today. He came home with a green helium balloon attached to his wheelchair. And of course, as heās getting off the bus, the string got caught on something and it snapped making the balloon fly away. Oh my poor boy started cryyyyinggg. I have never seen him so upset. We got into the apartment. My hubby just got home and hes crying to him. I searched for some green balloons in my bday stuff, found oneā¦ blew it up and it wasnāt doing anything for him cuz it needed helium. This was his 1st balloon from school and he was so proud of it and excited to keep it. I felt sooo bad. My heart just broke. I went out for a bit to find a place that sells helium balloons. I bought him a green balloon with polka dots, bought a hotwheels car to attach it to, and then brought it home. He was sooo happy! And for me, this was another beautiful gift of recovery. Bcuz I had the energy and motivation to fix a ābigā problem in my sons eyes and to put a smile on his face. It felt good to be able to be present and in the moment solving something and making him happy! I dont like to boast honestly but im truly proud of myself and how hard Iāve worked to stay completely clean and sober. This picture reminds me of recovery:
I know exactly what you mean; they will form patterns. I have about 5 seconds of peace when I first wake up and then it starts. If you find something that works, please let me know.
Itās okay to give yourself a pat on the back - you earned it! 
@Claire_Quit I like the tea idea Iām going to have some before I go to bed.
@Hayleylujah Outdoor theatre looks awesome, I wish we had that here in Topeka.
@RecoveringJP Congrats on 11 months, the Big One is right around the corner!
Lets both go to Alaskaā¦ 
Day 17
Today has been painfully nondescript. My job advisor came by. The productivity of our meetings is hit-or-miss and today was a miss. She did drive me to the pharmacy to get some meds, that was a positive. Iām just frustrated with the way one day flows into another with nothing getting done. Thatās what happens when Iām on a bender, I just watch time go by. I hate being in that same state when Iām sober because Iām acutely aware of timeās empty passing.
That might explain why Iām in kind of a surly mood tonight. Oh, well. Iām gonna have some tea and call it a day. Have a great evening sober friends! 
Hey checking in on day 440.
Also I realized I quit smoking 20 years ago today so thatās nice I guess
Huh. Sorry itās night in my phone apparently.
Just finished a cuppa Sleepy Time. Itās doing itās thing now. 
WOW, WOW, WOW!!!
So exciting for you! 
You make me cry oftenā¦ tears of joy.
Thank you.
Oh Dana, what a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing (hugs).
We only work with children who are 1 month old to 6 years old so it didnāt make make sense to me either. But I suppose it could happen
Day 177 without self harm . TW for mentions of sexual abuse at the end of the post
Had my first day at work today! Iāll admit it was A LOT and very exhausting. I got sent to work in the 1 year old section. 2 people (including me) are taking care of 9 one year olds. Itās a lot. We also have a biter. She bit two kids today (drawing blood on one) and then another kid saw that she was biting and then he bit 2 other kids as well. They did lots of crying.
As much as my back hurts, and as tired as I am, I loved it at the same time. Changing diapers and feeding times were exhausting but then there was points were i just got to play with them which was an amazing way to wind down. They all seemed to really like me. I had about 5 different kids trying to cuddle with me at the same time at one point.
I can really see myself doing this long term. Iām also thinking that the physical demands are going to make me start eating more. I tried to not eat today and by lunch time I was super dizzy and had to call my mom and ask to bring me food. I packed a lunch for tomorrow. I may start driving as well because itās so hot and Iām so exhausted I really canāt walk home. And Iād like to be able to go get food on my own accord during lunch. Iām gonna try to start practicing on Sundays.
Only bad thing I have to say is tomorrow I have to get a pelvic ultrasound which is internal. So thatās quite violating as is, let alone with my past of sexual abuse. I actually already did the ultrasound once before and no one told me I had to have a completely full bladder for it so it was for nothing. I was completely dazed for a few days after. So I have to deal with that again. Iām just hoping this gives me some answers as to why my periods are so messed up. Had one for over a year.( it just ended a few months ago) so I definitely want some answers. Iāll let you all know how Iām doing after.
I hope everyone is having a good and sober day. Thank you all for your congrats
Just saw Top Gun Maverick
It was my way of saying I was too young to see the original in theaters cause I was like 3 years old when it came out but I have a practical theater at home you didnāt have that in 1985
Overall a pretty bad ass movie, not as good as the OG but Yano.
You should know that anything you share with the sonogram person will be confidential. Even if your Mom is in the waiting room. You could ask that it not be put on your chart because you donāt want your mother to know in case she ever had access to the chart. Telling the sonogram person might make it less of a traumatic experience for you. The sonogram person may be able to talk to you a little bit and give you special care in your time of need.
Proud of you with your job and with all your days that you have that you havenāt self harmed.
Congratulations on your new job, it sounds amazing but also some challenges in a good way.
Yes looking after little ones you will defo need to br eating and drinking properly in the day.
Your doing so well, Iām so happy to read this 
Good luck for your hospital appointment.
Thinking of you today
You should be feeling proud, you have done brilliant.
Ita so lovely to read as you put it you fixed a big problem that meant alot to your son and to you itās a shared moment together.
superwoman
Congratulations to 11 months of sobriety! 
I love your story. Thanks for sharing. Iām so glad you could do that for your son
Thank youā¤ļø Iām debating telling them something, it feels embarrassing but I think I need any help I can get to make it easier
Thank you
That is such an honor! Iām so proud of you and grateful for your service.
What I loved after quitting smoking is never having that taste in your mouth of stale cigarettes. All your clothes, jackets, etc. smell clean and not like a smokehouse, same with your hair. And holy shit, the money you save!!!
Itās a tough habit to break, but youāre a Bad Ass Lady! You can do this, itās really worth it for so many reasons. 
