Heading into sitting 2 of 3 to finish the sleeve on my right arm. I am feeling a little anxiety and guilt around spending the money today. I had my first appointment last Wednesday and my second appointment ( today) was bumped up 3 weeks. This means I am having two large money dumps on tattoos + I paid for a years car insurance the other day. I had not budgeted for the back to back tattoo sessions… that’s what is causing most of the anxiety. It’s funny right? Up until 2.5 years ago I didn’t give a rats ass where my money was going, I had NO idea. Looking at my cash flow caused me so much stress because it made me look at how much I was spending on my addictive behaviors. Today is completely different, I use a budgeting app, I am able to save money monthly, I am able to afford things that I need without going into debt. I know that this tattoo will be paid off no problem it is just going against my “plan”. I have a plan with my money today, amazing. Without recovery none of this would be possible. I would probably have gotten tattooed months ago and my credit card would have been full so I would have used my line of credit. When my insurance was due I would have used some of my line to pay down my Credit Card to do monthly payments for my insurance which ultimately would have gone south because my card would have been maxed during the year. My life has changed drastically in the last two years, I never imagined I would care about where my money was going and be investing into my future. I believe I have a future now for the first time in my life.
Day 2 - Quite tired today. Feeling quite stiff in my knees which is usually a sign I need to get up and walk more.
I stumbled across a podcast all about anxiety today and listened to the first two episodes. I related to the host who spent the first episode setting out how anxiety had affected her life. The rest of the series is about how you can recognise and live with anxiety. It was a really positive thing to listen to.
I’ve been working longer days as well as it’s the summer holidays and no school pick up. I miss my kids but this gives me a chance to bank some hours in preparation for the move.
I’m carrying on sitting with my feelings and experiencing them. It’s taking a lot of effort but I am calmer as a result.
Checking in at 99. Going to take a quick nap before work. I never made it to a meeting these last couple days like I planned, but still sober and still progressing daily. Planning on making a great dinner tonight for the family and taking it down to the river. Hope you all crush it today, one day at a mf time!
Day 60 from alcohol/benadryl
DAY 365 FROM METH!!! Wooo hoo!!
I am so so blessed guys, I have a family who loves me, caring professionals helping me, the fellowship of NA, and the fabulous Talking Sober Forum. I am so happy to be clean and sober and hope I never go back, but one day at a time working my program.
Having a great day getting stuff done, currently driving my NA friend round to a couple of food banks.
I also have this feeling that after achieving some time of sobriety (even though I believe my 7 months are not that much, but more than I had in years!), right now 2 days, 3 days, 4 days seems sooo pathetic, and it makes me even more angry. I’m really trying to get over that feeling, and just climb the mountain again, step by step! We can do this!
Checking in Day 170
Have really been having a tough day. Not with using but with not having patience and being irritable. I HATE being this way. I literally had to check in with myself and apologize to those that I was irritable to. I don’t know what causes this. I slept well but certain things I was doing weren’t going as planned, so instead of stopping and taking a break on the project, I kept going and got myself worked up. Hubby is also having a rough day at work, so the phone calls from him are venting sessions. But I just finished my errand so that’s good. Ate something and hydrated myself. Feeling a bit better. Just need to chill out for awhile. Hope u all are doing okay
Checking in on day 4
Not really anything important to say, except that I didn’t drink nor smoke!
Got home after work, and did the workout challenge. Besides that some cleaning, dish washing, laundry and now relaxxxx!
Thanks Brian, I think it’s going to be a case of a little bit each day and just accepting my anxiety. I’ve spent years trying to shut it out, now I’m looking for the tools to live with it.
In all reality ur absolutely right. We are a team and I’m here for support. I started getting impatient bcuz he’d call at the worst times haha but then I had to realize where my priorities lie. My family comes first… that’s what is important. So I took some deep breaths while talking to him over the phone (of course made sure he didn’t hear that lol) and then tried to be supportive. He actually thanked me for letting him vent (which he doesn’t normally say, so I appreciated that very much). School is coming up fast for my boy. Since the first of August I have been talking to him about what is going to happen and how mommy won’t be on the bus or at school with him. He seems to be understanding it well. Bus arrives at 830am (found out today) so that’s nice and not too early. I sort of have a routine set up for him and for me (while he is at school). Just need to be super positive about it and really hype it up so that he is excited to go Thank u for asking girl about that… that really means alot that u remembered about my post awhile back and that u care enough to ask (hugs)
That’s so awesome you have all of that !! I understand wishing you had your original big book and other reading material but for sure that might be a sign . I definitely remember the living sober book being very helpful . God will definitely help with the things you are unsure of … keep doing what your doing ! You are putting your recovery before everything . I will say you also got me thinking about joining some kind of fitness group or yoga or something to help me and have another thing positive to be accountable to . Feeling physically better will help my mental health for sure . Thanks for reaching out and have a good rest of your night .
Made it through work and today’s responsibilities. Had a few F it moments earlier but played the tape quickly and ran through Halt . Drinking is not a solution anymore. Going to go for a walk soon . Work on dinner . Listen to some positive podcasts. It’s still today so I will stay in today as much as I can . Hope everyone is hanging in there and staying strong . Love you guys
What goes up must come down, when my pink cloud burst boy did I hit the ground hard with weeks of depression and time off work. I knew 3 things 1) This will pass …2) Pray for strength whether I believed in God or not… 3) I am an alcoholic so don’t pick up a drink for help.
It did
I got it
I didn’t.
I will always accept some low days as a reward for my sobriety, it means I’m alive.
and hardly danced to a song from French Montana afterwards! Endorphins… Re-welcome!
Thank u for asking girl about that… that really means alot that u remembered about my post awhile back and that u care enough to ask (hugs)
Exactly how I was starting to feel. I’m gonna cut back. 
