I tried a little guided meditation after my last post which was getting close to 11pm. I’m 2 hours behind you I think. I feel asleep around 11:30 I think. It’s just after 6am now. I had a pretty good sleep. I hope you eventually feel asleep and are even perhaps still sleeping.- oh I just scrolled up and saw you were up early!
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Hey all, checking in on day 789. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 3
I love waking up to my cat Lola kissing my nose. It’s breif and quick but I wake up and open my eyes to see her starting me in face and then she runs off quickly as it’s to say “ok my jobs done, moms awake”
I’m usually up early, but if I’m not up by 6am - Lola is my newest alarm clock. I don’t even feed her until 7, but I guess she thinks I should be up by 6😂.
So glad I made it though my fleeting craving yesterday. One secret to staying sober for me is to plan things in advance to look forward to. A few events for the week-just little things.
I have a visit with a friend today and then on the weekend I’m taking my daughter grad dress shopping and meeting up with my parents for dinner on Sunday💜
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I think keeping that ap…would be like me keeping a bottle of booze on the counter. Uninstal it, then get back on here and celebrate!
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Day 16 
far too hot 
chilling on settee just watched day shift on Netflix highly recommended.
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Maybe it’s PAWS my friend… maybe its PAWS.
Just hang on… you are doing all the right things. Some days are going to be shit and somedays are going to be gold. It’s a Rollercoaster but you only have to have this one last ride. Keep hanging on tight and it will be over soon enough. You are almost 6 freaking months… SIX MONTHS CLEAN holy shit Dana!!! It’s milestone malady!!! It’s going to be ok. 
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Morning Check in
Day 179
Woke up with a massive headache due to neck pain from one of my pillows. I’m wondering if that’s why I have been tired lately (bcuz I don’t sleep well). Took some Tylenol and then got up to make breakfast and coffee. I have no idea what happened yesterday with my extreme lack of energy, but I do feel slightly better today. My plan is to do my morning routine while my son has his feed, then we will go out for a wagon walk thru the park. I’m not going to lay around and not do much today. I always feel better once I get going.
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
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I uninstalled it
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I remember u telling me about PAWS awhile back and I honestly could relate to it. I totally forgot about that! Thank u for the reminder. It brings me to tears thinking that I literally have almost 6 whole months clean and sober! Half a freaking year! I’m sooo grateful 
I truly can’t really believe it! Hugs my friend! Thank u for the support. How have YOU been?
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Outstanding!!!
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Day 21
Yeaha… 3 weeks. 
Didn’t expect to be able to do this!
I was at swim training yesterday, 2200 …
And then i slept 11 hours. 
Woke up TOTALY sleep drunken and still not feeling fit in the afternoon.
I had a vegan protein shake, chick pea curry with basmati and a nicecream with banana and pineapple… For dinner i will have some gambas with garlic, yum. It helps me a loooot to focus on regular meals and nutrition, neither then weightloss. How often did I choose the vine bottles in the evening, although I was so fucking hungry.
I am trying not to judge myself for being tired… Just trying to nurish healthy, drink a lot, rest, meditate, do sports, do a few small things / todos on the plan. Now it is resting and later Yoga 
Feeling calm, no cravings.
I updated to premium and started a new tracker called “toxfree” to remind me to stay constantly away from the guy i mentioned or other toxic people… Focus on the good, on love, freedom, possibilities and that I deserve to have a healing environment.
Take care 
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Just reading up again on PAWS and honestly I think ur right. Things were happening yesterday (outside of my fatigue) that were making me even question my own sanity. Like doing laundry last night, I put 2 loads in the dryer. Went downstairs to get them and only 1 load was dry the other load was still super damp like I had never even started the dryer. I was so sure that I started both dryers. So I go upstairs to grab the laundry card, thinking for sure that someone had taken my clothes out and used the drying time for their own clothes (which has happened before… but obviously if someone needs to do that then they really need clean clothes so I wasn’t upset)… but my hubby was super supportive when I told him I had a hard day. He told me that he could tell my mind wasn’t “there” and that maybe I just forgot to start it. So I went back down to dry the rest of my clothes. Like omg. My mind was not there. I feel a bit foggy in my head today and a bit tired but not as bad as yesterday. Thank u for helping me to understand what’s going on
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Day 24
Well today is day 24, no urges to drink pretty surprised how smooth this is going other than the S/O back to saying she only loves me as a friend and things are different and not the same. And back to ignoring me. It’s so frustrating but all I can do is be here for her and show commitment and support with all her hormones, and be here for the baby and support the baby once it’s here… really feel like I’m fighting a battle I can’t win. And not going to get the outcome I keep fighting for but I can’t give up Untill every aspect has been exhausted. Ahhh here’s to another day sober don’t forget to hit the gym.
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I have been like this…
Checking in with
93 days no sugar
477 days no self injury
957 days no substances
Life is amazing. My heart is full and I am surrounded by love. When I say surrounded I literally mean it is everywhere. I feel it through my phone from you guys, I feel it everytime I walk outside and take a deep breath of fresh air, I feel it when I get wet dog noses on my bare leg, I feel it when I see my parents across the lawn in their house, I feel it when I am sitting in a chair in any meeting of Narcotics Anonymous, I feel it when my child hugs and kisses me. I especially felt an overwhelming feeling of love pour over me as I rode on the back of a motorcycle last night after celebrating a friend’s 17 years of recovery. It was such a powerful meeting and sitting in a room with that many addicts who are choosing life over dope always has such a profound affect on me. But it was more than that, it was the warm air on my face, the music I could barely hear coming from the bike speakers, the sunset sky that was turning bubblegum pink, the fact that I felt safe and loved and that my spirit finally feels alive and free. In that moment last night I said to myself (and not in a morbid way)“If I die right now it would be ok.” Tears where streaming down my face because I feel alive and it feels so damn good to feel alive.
The gratitude that I feel every morning that I wake up almost feels too big for my chest so I guess I need to grow a bit because I can only imagine being grateful for more and more.
My life today is something I never in a billion years thought I could experience. I had succumbed to the idea that I would die in active addiction many years ago. I remember how surprised I was when I made it passed my 25th birthday. Now I can’t wait to see what my future has in store because I know that if I keep doing what I am doing it is only going to get better.
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That’s great so now you can feel some relief in knowing that the flare up will subside a bit in a few days. Typically PAWS flares 30 days, 60 days, 90days, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 18 months and then for most people it’s pretty much over. That’s dependant on how well you take care of yourself though. Maybe you can put a little reminder a couple weeks before your 9 months that PAWS may strike so you’re prepared…
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I was up early, but it’s been a productive day so far. I got that health card thing sorted out by 10am. The question now is “what do I do with the rest of the day?”
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Omg this makes so much sense! I will definitly be adding this into my calendar to be prepared 
thank u so much!
We definitely can’t change other people’s perspective about how things went down or how much blame they should also be taking for something. All we can do is just do our part and have to make peace with the fact that we did what we could. Funny how we’ll destroy ourselves over the hurt when it probably doesn’t even resonate with the other person. I’m done beating myself up over that stuff. I’m glad you’re not either.
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I love this post and I thank u so much for
sharing this with us! I’m really happy that ur experiencing this and truly loving life to the fullest. How did u get to this place? Just curious to know what lead up to this experience? I would love to know also bcuz this is something I want to strive for!
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- NA meetings
- having an amazing sponsor that I love and trust.
- having sponsees who I get to walk beside on their journey who I love and trust.
- doing step (work multiple sets) which helps me learn about myself and allows me to love and trust myself.
- getting involved in book studies with other women in recovery which teaches me to be vulnerable and trust.
- being of service to NA and society on whole (sharing in schools, detox, jails) allows me see value in my suffering and helps me forgive and accept my past.
- therapy of different types. I had to become fearless, find so much courage to do this
- being willing to challenge myself and my resentments.
- being willing to let the fuck go of shit… over and over again.
- GRATITUDE all day everyday. Literally a running gratitude list going on in my brain all day long.
Ok I won’t go on anymore… there’s so many things that I do daily. Like I don’t wake up and live a normie life ever and I never will. I am grand slamming recovery and if this is how it makes me feel then I will just keep it up.
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