Im so sorry about your fish @SassyBoomer
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79 days alcohol free
8060 days meth free
I havenāt used this thread yet, or at least I dont think I have 
Checking in to say early sobriety still sucks. Lol if I had remembered that maybe I wouldnāt have went out hell bent on being an alcoholic also 4 years ago but it is what it is and here I am in early sobriety again with all its emotional ups and downs.
I am grateful to be sober, just not super grateful for the emotional swings 
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Omg this is awful!!! Iām so sorry 
I really feel for u. I cried even when my 1st eel died and I had her for like 1 week. I couldnāt imagine having them for soo long and this happening. Huge huge hugs š«
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sending you some hugs x
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Glad ur still posting and fighting in an environment that has a lot of alcohol accessible. Hope you look back on this time and are glad you spent it fighting and not spiraling. 
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Day 162
My body is tired. I have work tomorrow and wish i didnt. Errands. I spent so much money. Some good discounts but still. My birthday weekend is a good enough time to get myself presents. Desperately needed new pants, and a shelf. Investing in shelves and bins to try and manage adhd.
Fell asleep before tidying last night, but i did for 30 min this morning and will set the timer soon. This morning i also wiped down the kitchen and organized the cleaning closet.
I will not be 30 and live in a pit! I have a plan to build a healthy cleaning habit with 2 things to help me ground (and probably āreparentā):
- 15 minute nightly cleaning, on a timer.
- the understanding that ādishes are non negotiable.ā
Even though i am tired. Going to watch cleantok and get what i need to have done, done tonight.
Update: wound up working for 36 minutes and am still not done 
i hope i get up early enough and work is ok tomorrow.
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First time posting in a while. 111 days sober today, did a 35 mile hike across six peaks in New Hampshire this weekend. Sobriety has given me the energy and focus to make things like this happen. The best is yet to come
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Checking in at 955 days alcohol free sober as fuck!!
Been doing a lot of traveling. Some grandpa-ing, and generally helping out my son and his wife all day. Back at the hotel exhausted and would usually be rewarding myself and unwinding with a few drinks. But this bottle of Perrier and a rewarding good nights sober sleep with no hangover in the morning is so much better.
Grandpaās not drinking today.
And Grandpaās probably not drinking tomorrow.
Thatās my plan. Iām sticking to it.
I think you should too.
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Thank you. I really appreciate you checking in. I havenāt really eaten much today. I had some ice cream and thatās all. Having a hard time convincing myself to eat more but I just told my best friend and I know once he gets home from work he will get me to eat. Heās an online friend so he canāt really make me but he will not talk about anything else until he knows Iāve eaten.
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I canāt begin to explain how proud I am of you. Iāve been here for a while and even before we were regularly, interacting Iāve seen the numbers change a lot. This is such a huge milestone and I am so proud of you for getting this far. I canāt wait to see the days grow in number for you. You deserve all of the best things this world has to offer and I know you will get them
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Tonight will be day 166 of no self harm. TW for eating disorders
Havenāt been able to eat much today. I had some ice cream. Thatās it. And itās almost 9pm. Definitely need more food. I wish I had the conventional anorexia where my āsafeā foods were healthy. Instead I just have ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) anorexia which results in extreme fear of trying new foods so my safe foods are almost always junk food and no good for me. Itās so difficult to be overweight but then claim to be anorexic. I know itās possible to be overweight and anorexic, but in my brain I never feel sick enough. I know itās not logical, I know I am sick. My hair is failing out and I wanted to faint just from vacuuming my extremely small living room. I know Iām not healthy.
I take my first calls for my job tomorrow. Itās 3 days of taking calls but then I go back to training for a week or two. Iām so nervous. I know Iām not equipped with all the tools, I know the trainers know this otherwise we wouldnāt go back to training. Thereās entire systems we havenāt even learned about. It just doesnāt make sense the way the training is organized.
Iāve been crying a lot for the last hour or so. Not exactly sure why. Iām just really overwhelmed with everything thatās been going on so thereās not really a particular thing making me upset. I know itās better out than in but I hate this desperate sobbing.
Something positive: been playing my piano a lot today. the sound quality is so much better and I paid for a
year subscription for online lessons (itās an app called simply piano, I used a free trial a year ago and it was great. Itās all self paced and no actual instructor unless you want one.) and Iām already improving a lot. Iām self taught, but even playing for 8 years Iāve been at a road block for a very long time of not knowing how to advance any further than the basics. I taught myself all the instruments I play so Iāve had this issue with all of them. But piano is something Iām really passionate about so I plan to make that a priority instrument. My subscription comes with a guitar course too so I might use that as well. Been playing guitar for 12 years or so but still never advanced very far
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Day 6
@SassyBoomer Iām very sorry about your fish.
@Shaunda Youāve never been on this thread before? This where the partyās at!
@Minatasha I like your idea of scheduling cleaning. 15 min a night wouldnāt be enough for my place. And my dishes are definately negotiable.
@adrivdahl Love hiking, doubt Iād make it 35 miles. Thanks for the pic. Where is that?
@Dazercat Howdy! Glad you had a great day. Grandpa-ing is now officially a word.
@SadMemeQueen Iām sorry youāre so anxious and overwhelmed, but you will be okay. Youāll do great at your job!
Well, I have little to report. Finally slept through the night. Binge watched Stranger Things (got a couple episodes left). Cook an actual meal for the first time in a month.
Gotta go to bed early for an EKG checkup. Had one earlier this year which came out fine, so this one should be too. Gone watch some YouTube until Iām sleepy, or half hour, whichever comes first. Glad we all a sober weekend.
Gānite, fam!
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Good evening all. Checking in on day 359. Was a productive day. Wrote one paper and now working on my power point to go with it. Had to get rid of some bees under the porch as they have stung me and my dogs multiple times in the last few days. Which resulted in a lot more stinging!! Normally donāt mess with bees as I know theyād re great for pollinating but I left them alone until they started stinging. Hope everyone had a great weekend. Stay safe.
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Day #6
My energy is already improving and I made it through my first weekend! Looking forward to making it to one week here shortly!
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@BrOKenWolf That is a terrible thing to experience, but feel comforted that you did your best. My condolences to your partner and you.
@SassyBoomer Sorry about your fish, it is true we can become attached.
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I remember when you first arrived here, then you disappeared for a long time. Youād pop back on once in a while but you never stayed too long. Then you stayed, you decided to buckle down, to fight and its been on like Donkey Kong since then. Keep it up, you are doing itā¦ Iām so proud of you.
Love you lots.
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Day 5 evening check in
Feeling better and better. Had some breif cravings. Ordered a club soda and lime at dinner. Had a great time and laughed out loud a lot- truly feeling happiness which I donāt feel when Iām not living sober.
Came home to my husband who had a few and I feel the negativity pulling me down. Now this is going to sound harshā¦ You know those thoughts that are only the dark, but I feel like I either hate myself for drinking or hate my husband if Iām not. I just hope I can get over the anger and I truly believe part of that comes from my alcoholic self partially wishing I could get that buzz on too. I think itās more the inner struggle that I hate, rather than actually disliking my husband. I mean, we were together almost 20 years ago and I never drank and he did and it never bothered meā¦so I hope I can get past this.
Anyways, itās just about today, right now, and in this moment Iām ok. Iām letting go of my anger.
Thanks for listening.
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Always good to be honest. Sometimes at least a part of you hates your partner for some reason. I have been there. As for your partner drinking, when you have truly accepted that drinking is just pointless and you donāt WANT to drink, then your partner drinking wonāt bother you. That time will come.
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Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. It made me feel more peaceful. I really appreciate your responseš
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@Miranda I second what Fleur has said. It will become a feeling of freedom from being affected by your partnerās drinking - if it doesnāt directly cause you pain you donāt have to let it cause you suffering. It took me some time, most definitely! I can get mildly annoyed at times if he acts a fool but thatās rare in my situation. I think itās different for people whose partners have a problem with alcohol use, but for those who do not, we are the ones who let ourselves be bothered. Hang in there! Glad things are getting better and better!
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