Thank you. I really appreciate you checking in. I haven’t really eaten much today. I had some ice cream and that’s all. Having a hard time convincing myself to eat more but I just told my best friend and I know once he gets home from work he will get me to eat. He’s an online friend so he can’t really make me but he will not talk about anything else until he knows I’ve eaten.
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I can’t begin to explain how proud I am of you. I’ve been here for a while and even before we were regularly, interacting I’ve seen the numbers change a lot. This is such a huge milestone and I am so proud of you for getting this far. I can’t wait to see the days grow in number for you. You deserve all of the best things this world has to offer and I know you will get them
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Tonight will be day 166 of no self harm. TW for eating disorders
Haven’t been able to eat much today. I had some ice cream. That’s it. And it’s almost 9pm. Definitely need more food. I wish I had the conventional anorexia where my “safe” foods were healthy. Instead I just have ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) anorexia which results in extreme fear of trying new foods so my safe foods are almost always junk food and no good for me. It’s so difficult to be overweight but then claim to be anorexic. I know it’s possible to be overweight and anorexic, but in my brain I never feel sick enough. I know it’s not logical, I know I am sick. My hair is failing out and I wanted to faint just from vacuuming my extremely small living room. I know I’m not healthy.
I take my first calls for my job tomorrow. It’s 3 days of taking calls but then I go back to training for a week or two. I’m so nervous. I know I’m not equipped with all the tools, I know the trainers know this otherwise we wouldn’t go back to training. There’s entire systems we haven’t even learned about. It just doesn’t make sense the way the training is organized.
I’ve been crying a lot for the last hour or so. Not exactly sure why. I’m just really overwhelmed with everything that’s been going on so there’s not really a particular thing making me upset. I know it’s better out than in but I hate this desperate sobbing.
Something positive: been playing my piano a lot today. the sound quality is so much better and I paid for a
year subscription for online lessons (it’s an app called simply piano, I used a free trial a year ago and it was great. It’s all self paced and no actual instructor unless you want one.) and I’m already improving a lot. I’m self taught, but even playing for 8 years I’ve been at a road block for a very long time of not knowing how to advance any further than the basics. I taught myself all the instruments I play so I’ve had this issue with all of them. But piano is something I’m really passionate about so I plan to make that a priority instrument. My subscription comes with a guitar course too so I might use that as well. Been playing guitar for 12 years or so but still never advanced very far
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Day 6
@SassyBoomer I’m very sorry about your fish.
@Shaunda You’ve never been on this thread before? This where the party’s at!
@Minatasha I like your idea of scheduling cleaning. 15 min a night wouldn’t be enough for my place. And my dishes are definately negotiable.
@adrivdahl Love hiking, doubt I’d make it 35 miles. Thanks for the pic. Where is that?
@Dazercat Howdy! Glad you had a great day. Grandpa-ing is now officially a word.
@SadMemeQueen I’m sorry you’re so anxious and overwhelmed, but you will be okay. You’ll do great at your job!
Well, I have little to report. Finally slept through the night. Binge watched Stranger Things (got a couple episodes left). Cook an actual meal for the first time in a month.
Gotta go to bed early for an EKG checkup. Had one earlier this year which came out fine, so this one should be too. Gone watch some YouTube until I’m sleepy, or half hour, whichever comes first. Glad we all a sober weekend.
G’nite, fam! 
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Good evening all. Checking in on day 359. Was a productive day. Wrote one paper and now working on my power point to go with it. Had to get rid of some bees under the porch as they have stung me and my dogs multiple times in the last few days. Which resulted in a lot more stinging!! Normally don’t mess with bees as I know they’d re great for pollinating but I left them alone until they started stinging. Hope everyone had a great weekend. Stay safe.
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Day #6
My energy is already improving and I made it through my first weekend! Looking forward to making it to one week here shortly!
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@BrOKenWolf That is a terrible thing to experience, but feel comforted that you did your best. My condolences to your partner and you.
@SassyBoomer Sorry about your fish, it is true we can become attached.
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I remember when you first arrived here, then you disappeared for a long time. You’d pop back on once in a while but you never stayed too long. Then you stayed, you decided to buckle down, to fight and its been on like Donkey Kong since then. Keep it up, you are doing it… I’m so proud of you.
Love you lots.
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Day 5 evening check in
Feeling better and better. Had some breif cravings. Ordered a club soda and lime at dinner. Had a great time and laughed out loud a lot- truly feeling happiness which I don’t feel when I’m not living sober.
Came home to my husband who had a few and I feel the negativity pulling me down. Now this is going to sound harsh… You know those thoughts that are only the dark, but I feel like I either hate myself for drinking or hate my husband if I’m not. I just hope I can get over the anger and I truly believe part of that comes from my alcoholic self partially wishing I could get that buzz on too. I think it’s more the inner struggle that I hate, rather than actually disliking my husband. I mean, we were together almost 20 years ago and I never drank and he did and it never bothered me…so I hope I can get past this.
Anyways, it’s just about today, right now, and in this moment I’m ok. I’m letting go of my anger.
Thanks for listening.
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Always good to be honest. Sometimes at least a part of you hates your partner for some reason. I have been there. As for your partner drinking, when you have truly accepted that drinking is just pointless and you don’t WANT to drink, then your partner drinking won’t bother you. That time will come.
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Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. It made me feel more peaceful. I really appreciate your response💖
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@Miranda I second what Fleur has said. It will become a feeling of freedom from being affected by your partner’s drinking - if it doesn’t directly cause you pain you don’t have to let it cause you suffering. It took me some time, most definitely! I can get mildly annoyed at times if he acts a fool but that’s rare in my situation. I think it’s different for people whose partners have a problem with alcohol use, but for those who do not, we are the ones who let ourselves be bothered. Hang in there! Glad things are getting better and better!
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#Day 1426 
One day before holiday to Turkey.
Busy with house chorus and getting to much stuff in a to small bag 
Because of a lack of personal at the airport Schiphol a lot of luggage is getting lost. So we decided to go without it and only use handluggage.
Within 1 houre my neighbor is here to talk about how to take care of our cat and plants. I think she will be flabbergasted to see how many plants I have 
Still in my “thinking modus” because of the bad craving I had last saturday. But overall feeling ok.
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I missed this! congrats my friend! you’re walking the walk!
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I was having a pretty rough weekend. My husband and I got into a nasty fight and I was all set to hate my one day off (Sunday) this week.
Apologies were given and I think that was one of our moments where we really just needed to get things off our chests to re-connect.
Today we rode bikes to our state fair, 5 miles each way, and ate delicious fried foods and walked 13,000 happy steps. We saw livestock and arts and crafts and enjoyed each others company. After our ride home we cooked a healthy meal and watched Thirteen Lives which was tense and awesome.
Tomorrow I am 6 months alcohol free. I think the upcoming milestone messed with my head a bit but this weekend was a great reminder that when things are tough you just keep going. Today was a wonderful day and many times I was able to remind myself how easily I could spoil it by adding alcohol.
I still have a lot of work to do, mostly on letting loved ones see the real me without my screen of alcohol that was always up but I’m getting better each day. Happy sober day friends. Keep going.
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1164
Coffee. One day off. Still very warm and hoping a storm shows up and brings us some 
later. In the meanwhile I’m not going to do too much. I’ll try to think up something nice to cook. Read some in my new recovery-from-trauma book. Pet Luna. I’m on for a day free from whatever. Sober and clean.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean. It’s the first condition to a healthier happier better life for all of us. One day at a time. Love from Amstel train station last night.
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Congratulations on your 6 months Dana!! Feeling happy for you, after all your struggles, you’re doing so great! 
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Congratulations to your 20 sober days! 
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Day 19 
messed up dreams last night 
did run out of sleepers so could be down to that still hot 
as hell hurry up tomorrow
binge watching 911 on Disney + happy Monday sober people 
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