Totally get the desire for thc….Geez. Life is hard. You are making it!
323 Days
Fell asleep on the sofa for 3 hours and woke at 1:30am.
Cant fall back to sleep, its giving me a bit of anxiety.
I have a fitness class booked and a swim for about noon. Its 4am now.
I’m contemplating if I cant sleep to rebook my swim for an earlier session like 7am, and before i go put something in the slow cooker so today can be one that’s is easy not stressful or one where usually enjoyable things like cooking feel like a big massive chore.
Not sure yet I may meditate for an hour as even if i get an hour or two relaxing/drop off to sleep to sleep meditation I will be good to stick with my day I had planned.
But if I have to change it up, and make it still a positive slow day I’m happy with that too.
Been reading lots of posts, congratulations everyone for just being here and being sober.
@Butterflymoonwoman I’m so happy to hear your son is having a positive experience, your right to want to be called for anything that happens during the day 
it’s nice to catch up with your posta and see your doing well too. 
@michaeljlogan74 its great to see you post.
Yes I remember you mentioning before about your vinyl selection
I think taking a visit to your mum will be good, it’s great you are here. 
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Awwww thank you, I think we all inspire eachother in some way or another.
Really hope things settle for you soon.
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I literally started 4 weeks ago swimming and fitness classes like everyday like I was in bootcamp 
Then I became ill for almost 2 weeks and I seem to just have got stuck back in my old habits as the exercise and getting out was new.
I’m determined today to try and get there. I really want to change some parts of my lifestyle but want it to last more than just quick phases.
I think I may do a sleep meditation for an hour then just get up if I havent fell asleep.
I Remy do well when I fall asleep between 9-10pm and wake up around now which is 4-5am. But I just feel so tired in the back of my eyes.
But I have to be strict with myself and go at least for a swim remind me how much it helped.
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Best ingredient ever.
Looks delicious and I bet your spirit was fed just as well as your belly. 
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Thanks so much, and that makes a lot of sense also! We’re emotional creatures by nature, so creating healthy patterns and dialogues is the most important factor, I think, in getting to operate and interact better in the world, I’ve started to learn.
I really appreciate the support and gonna keep finding that resolve as I go on with all this.
Have a good night by the way!
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Day 332 checking in woke up in a mood this morning my partner seems to be drinking more and more she’s using it as a crutch since her daughter committed suicide in March 2021 when we go for food she orders wine when my daughter is at her grandparents she will sit in the room and drink wine when we were on holiday she drank every day I don’t want my daughter to grow up and see her mum drinking at every opportunity and think that is normal I don’t think my partner is a alcoholic but I think it is quickly going that way I confronted her last nite told her how I feel she just looked at the tv and stayed quiet not sure what way to go from here just wanted to vent hope everyone is well 
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Day 111
I woke from an intense dream this morning but had to just get on with the morning and get the kids to school. There was a glass of double vodka with cola from a machine that had run out of syrup. Vodka was never my thing anyway but this was definitely not an appetising sight. The main theme of the dream was that I hadn’t been invited to the event that I was at and that people were being very hostile to me.
In real life things are going pretty well. I have this gig tomorrow which I’m looking forward to and the only downside is that I’ll have my parents around for a couple of days. The daily phone calls have been a bit awkward lately and have been noticeably shorter. My family is famously poor at discussing emotions and I can’t be bothered trying to tease it out of them. It feels like there is a mood on the go, which has made me realise that has been my entire upbringing. Walking on eggshells, trying to interpret what is or isn’t being said. It can be exhausting.
I’m just really glad that I can work on not passing on these negative qualities onto my kids. I try to be as open emotionally as I can and always let them know when I feel horrible and why, and that they are not to blame. I also make sure to tell them I’m proud of them and that I love them. I have my husband to thank for teaching me how to do this as it was never something I heard from my parents.
Anyway, one day at a time and all that.
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1168
Coffee. Yesterday was good. The experiential expertise course was inspiring albeit somewhat triggering at times. Had a nice get together with my old mate. Going to try and make today good too. First I have to go and do an intake for trauma group therapy. Nervous about that.
After that it’s fun and games watching the first stage of the Vuelta, a team time trial in the city of Utrecht, together with my close friend an her daughter. Nervous about that too, as I’m the one organising this little adventure. I learned so much in organising my own life, thoughts and feelings in the last couple of years being in recovery (or in my journey of discovery). But now I notice how unsure I still am in doing stuff for others, for those close to me. How I still feel inadequate and unsure, certain to fail in giving others a good time. Anxious.
Good thing is I recognise this now. For the first time I understand this mechanism. And I feel I can work on it. Starting today. Sober and clean. One day at a time. So lets have a good day all! Love from Amsterdam.
@Dmcg1987 Only so much you can do David. I’m very sorry. Must be so hard to see. You ever thought about joining AlAnon? Or some other form of support for family members of addicts? The organisation I work for offers that sort of support too. You told her what you see. And you are keeping your sobriety. Very hard stuff friend.
@Deelzebub Beautiful numbers Delia! Congrats!
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I “hit the bottle” after my husband died and it took my a while for everything to shake down and for me to feel I could move forward sober. You’ve voiced your concern and I’m sure she’ll take it in as time passes. Is she getting support at the moment? I know that it took me a year before I could even contemplate grief counselling sessions.
I’m sending hugs to you.
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I geus you mean Rockstar Rob 
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I am not vegetarian or vegan in total but i am using vegan milk and Joghurt / skyr because I do not tolerate these products made from cow’s milk well and don’t want to eat meat that often. I focus on unprocessed foods and don’t eat wheat, pork or cow’s milk, just good organic cheese from time to time, as well as meat. And I almost never eat sugar. It’s my personal special way and I healed some little problems with it.
Yes, vegan cheese and most of the “products” are not recomandable because of the ingredients. I have a recipe for vegan cheese sauce with whole foods … It’s very easy and can be used warm or cold. You can find various if you google “vegan mac and cheese sauce”. 
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Day 28 - 4 weeks!
Wooop Wooop!
Made it! I am proud 
Nice swim workout of 2600 meters in 1h yesterday 
Eating well, no over- or undereating. Including my vitamin b supplements now
Arranged a few meetings, socialization. 
Didn’t think that would be possible… I was so fucking isolated.
Tomorrow I will tryout a Hawaiian restaurant with poke bowls with a friend. 
And I will refresh my haircut this afternoon 
Hope you are all doing well…
Sending love 
Take care 
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Funny you said that! I just officially added cigarettes to my sober timer after finishing my last “gift” from Joe. Really hoping I can get my patches today. 
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Same here. I don’t even go to a meeting to get a coin unless I have at least 90 days; I just try to make it one day at a time. My last relapse happened on what should’ve been my 60 days. Still mad at myself.
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Aww… thanks! You’re too kind! The health issue is actually part of my strategy. Every time I get a craving (like now) I’m just going to remind myself I can’t start hiking again if I continue smoking.
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Good morning everyone. I believe today is day 80? My phone crapped the bed on me the day before yesterday so I’m logging in on my iPad, feeling pretty well, excited, tired, optimistic lol. I was pretty proud yesterday with doing well with cooking I forgot to mention I was pretty stoked to hit 355 for a one rep max on deadlifts, I managed to pull 3 reps at 345, so I’d say yesterday was a strong day. Anyways I hope everyone has some awesome sober fridays much love
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Hey all, checking in on day 796. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 798 clean and sober. I hope everyone has a wonderful day today, love you guys!!! 
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