Glad to be of help 
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Hell yes! A test early in sobriety like that is tough! Congratulations, you showed very strong care for your life. And now you have these posts to look back on. 
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Checking in
Day 195
Super concerned for my mom right now. My younger brother who is 35 moved back in with our parents like 2 days ago. He is a very straight edge kind of person, is always in school for one thing or another, works 2 jobs etc. He has his head on his shoulders but he is very overbearing. He does have an accounting degree but he is super controlling over my parents finances. They are retired and yes my brother is helping with the finances but also he is not allowing any freedom for anything. He is very critical. He has been like this since we were young. It used to be alot worse but itās still pretty bad. Thatās one of the reasons I left home when I did. I couldnāt handle the controlling, toxic environment. I couldnt even enjoy a shower when i was a young teenager without having to clean and wipe everything down in a certain order to prevent water spots n shit. Our home life was quite dysfunctional in the sense of emotional and mental stuff. Yet when I left to save my own sanity, I also left my mom to be in the line of fire so to speak. I definitely have guilt for leaving her at home with a husband (my dad) who is unemotional available at all times and my brother who is controlling to no end. Plus she has mental health issues which she is trying to seek professional help for (on a wait list for DBT) and her meds need adjusting. Here she is messaging me that her mental health is very, very, very not good. She told me she is 2 seconds away of calling the Crisis Line. And all I can do is talk to her and let her vent since Iām like 1300 KM away. I told her to call the crisis line if she needs to and to not hesitate. She wants to leave there and stay somewhere else. Iām mad at my brother. He thinks heās always right and itās his way or the highway. My mom told me that she is selective on what she does and when she does it, for example: playing the piano only at certain times (music is her thing). She calls it planned escapes. I call it conditional freedomā¦ bcuz everything my mom does is based on someone else and their reaction. People pleasing as to not create conflict. Itās a survival skill to try and protect herself. Yet she is losing herself slowly bcuz her mind is always focused on someone else. And I see this bcuz Iāve been there and it was only until I got out of there and stopped giving a F about what people think (respectfully) that I started gaining myself back. One of my fav sayings is āI care but I dont careā. I am beyond mad. My brother doesnāt need to live there. Heās a grown man and has money coming in to support himself. He wants to buy a house so I guess heās saving money. My mom says retirement sucks and that her life sucks and is oppressive. I feel helpless. Idk what to do other than let her talk to me. Any suggestions would help.
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Great victory LovelyL
Although, I would still recommend not going.
Gold star 
Be proud. You earned it.
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Oh my, this sounds extremely stressful x
I donāt have much advice but maybe your mum should call that helpline, perhaps they may have a good solution, have seen similar situations so know what to do 
I hope your mum can get a break.
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Thanks for ur response 
she said she is feeling better after chatting with me. But there needs to be already permanent solution for this. I dont see my brother changing his behaviors 
he has gotten better but he needs help too in my opinion.
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Hopefully something can be sorted out. Itās good that your mum feels better after talking to you but remember to take care of yourself, too
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Dear friend, Iām very sorry to hear all this, Iām sure talking to your mom is already a great help, but being mad and concerned on your side is not going to solve anything. So better save your sanity and send positive thoughts your motherās way.
However, Iām also little mad now, to hear some douche is treating his mother like thatā¦
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Iām so proud of you for staying sober during summer too! I find it one of the hardest times of the year!!! Your son is so lucky to have a sober Mama all summerš
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My daughters dad is like this. Itās like your always walking on eggshells even when you think you have done everything the right way- in their eyes itās not good enough.
It sounds like he is putting alot of pressure on your mum. Iām guessing from my own experience asking your brother to leave will only make things worse.
I agree with you telling your mum to call the crisis line and hopefully they will come out and see her or offer a safe place to go and speak also this will help speed up any medication changes and extra support.
How was your mum doing before your brother turnt up?
Maybe he being more over bearing then your mum is telling you to keep things as calm as possible.
I hope she is okay and things start to settle. It must be so difficult for you being so far away and with your own serious family commitments that you just cant walk away from is really upsetting for you. I cant imagine how you feel. My mum has physical disabilities she is 57 and has a long list of mental illness and it hurts me when she is cries to me and is sad and she has lots of support, to imagine she didnt is heartbreaking more. I hope your okay, 
If your brother is causing more stress then he needs to leave but planning and getting this to happen I have no ideas to help. Would he pressure them for money ? Or just taking over the home making your mum feel like she cant live in her own home? Im really sorry to hear this.
Maybe the plan should be your brother being told he cant stay there he is making them Ill and has to find somewhere else to stay, no matter how it goes down your right he is a grown man and cant come to your parents and turn their lives upside down and make then want to leave their own home just to make his life better, it will be difficult but maybe no matter how he is made or told to go itās the best thing and needs to be done.
Iām sure he will be ok either way. Your parents will feel bad and upset either way- if he stays or goes, but at least they can live peacefully as they should be.
Iām so glad your mum called you this is a positive.
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Just checking in day 67 for me. Life is trying to throw everything at me it possibly can to make me relapse. But I am strong and will remain strong! We can all do this! Iām so thankful for this community here. You all have a great day!
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Well done for staying strong, and not just that being able to carry on with your day and cook dinner.
Also to be able to not take it personally what he said on the drive home, is really big of you.
I think sometimes when partners see the other quit drinking it makes them look at their own drinking and come face to face with their own addiction which when there not ready feels horrible for them.
Stick with sobriety because when he sees you are serious about it, and that life is good without it he may join you. But you done brilliant
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Thanks girl for all ur support. Honestly it would be a disaster if they told him to go. He can be very cold with what he says and I honestly donāt know if him leaving would make things worse for my mom mentally. It probably would. She aoukd probably mentally snap if my brother decided to say āF it, Iām out of ur guys livesā.
Iām basically suggesting ways to help her find time for herself. And have tried to help her with the DBT skills or other skills that Iāve learned and used mayelf to change my thinking and focus. Once she gets into the DBT program and she sees the psychiatrist and gets on better meds and had 1 on 1 therapist talks and then aftercare once the program is over. It will really help! It helped me tremendously back home. I wish she couldāve taken the program sooner. My brother wonāt be there forever. My mom n dad are coming to Alberta to live in about 1-2 yrs. Itās a long time but they will be moving and my brother wonāt be coming along at that time. He will be staying back for quite some time to finish other things heās doing. My brother is a good person but he definitly has his own mental health stuff. He suspects he has OCD. But itās not diagnosed. He definitely gets anxiety when things are not done a certain way or put back a certain way etc. But heās not doing anything about it or choosing to see if itās even a true diagnosis. And my dad has his own ways to cope also. Alot of denial. I guess this just bringing up some old family stuff. My mom was struggling with her mental health before he even came back home but for diff reasons. This has increased her illness even more
Iām so sorry to hear about ur mom also. I pray that she finds her happiness and inner peace. Itās hard when we see our loved ones hurting yet we can only do so much. Hope ur doing well also lady!
Thank you again for ur support 
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That sounds like a good approach as your mum reached out to you is to encourage her to keep getting the support.
I was going to say my daughters dad has diagnosed OCD. I think your right too your mum asking him to go would make her feel worse.
Mental health is hard isnt it.
You supporting your mum is all you can really do, and its great she reached out for you. I guess living with 2 grown men would drive any of us mad being the only woman, which makes it nice you have eachother.
Familys do annoy eachother as well as love eachother dearly at the same time.
When iv stayed at my mums in the past for more than a few days we cant wait for me to leave both for our own reasons but we love eachother so much.
I understand as your really empathetic you struggle to know your mums struggling and just remember your doing what you can, and that is be there for her in the way she needs you so try not to let it upset you 
Itās great she is open to get the help from professionals, took my mum along time to accept she needs it and it is helping.
Also itās great you have done it so you can explain how helpfull it was for you.
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Checking in on day 300
Been struggling the last few days with cravings to drink and fully escape my mind . Yesterday was a close one and I was doing the alcohol mathematics to see how long my binge could be and I really had the f itās . I think God interfered and gave me a better solution and that was to run through HALT .
Some months it feels like I could go my whole life without going back to the bottle ā¦ then days like yesterday remind me I cannot ever let my guard down . And to be honest alcohol wouldnāt even help temporary. Iām pretty sure my body would reject it and I would be sick right away and just screw it might as well continue. So maybe itās easier to just keep pushing on.
My only goals for my first year off the alcohol was to keep things extremely simple . No alcohol , talk to people every day about recovery, eat food , take vitamins and meds. I promised my self this was all I really needed to do everyday for now. I think God has a plan for the rest.
I know that I will live with a certain level of anxiety the rest of my life from all of the craziness I have been through. Iām hoping the more I stay sober that my brain can re wire and I can keep learning how to deal with my mental health issues .
I have also been working hard at not keeping any bags packed . Through circumstances or choice I have been homeless on and off for years and Iām really trying to learn how to live in this world . I know it sounds crazy that I like and sometimes miss being homeless but itās something I struggle with and scared to say on here . Also so many living experiences in active addiction where I always had my bags packed and ready to bail or ready for the next F up ā¦ today no bags are packed . It gives me anxiety to not have a exit strategy but Iām learning that Iām re training my brain and way of handling things .even having to many things gives me anxiety because then I have think damn I canāt just get up and go ā¦ or what if something happensā¦ I hope I can learn more skills to be a part of this world. No packed bags.
The days of glorifying being homeless or thinking itās going to solve my problems has to be over. This love and hate relationship with the streets has to be over. I have to accept this. Itās a number of things but mainly itās dangerous and will not help me really recover . Just more running .
I just started therapy for some of my anxiety and ptsd and mostly all of it is caused by my other life before . Iām taking my medication. Iām eating food and taking my vitamins . Though Iām struggling and Iām scared for my future . Deep down i know Iām recovering.
Just tired or the circus that goes off in my head every night , flash backs , nightmares , morning anxiety. I did this to myself with my lifestyle before. Iām just having small faith that my mind will recover little by little.
Off work for the rest of today . No more responsibilities. Iām going to try to be kind to myself . Not feel bad for giving myself a break. Iām going to eat and watch YouTube . I canāt do much more
I donāt even know anymoreā¦
I just know Iām not drinking today
Ps: thanks for letting me say all that
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Congratulations for staying strong yesterday, Trevor, and not giving in to cravings! 
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Thank you . It definitely was a close one. I really believe God Interfered . And maybe itās only scary because I care so much about my recovery. I probably was never going to drink because I have so many other solutions. I have to be OK with the occasional cravings and not let it take over. I know this place helps so much. I read through this checking in thread and the gratitude thread yesterday and I definitely feel a lot better and safer. Maybe should have posted but Iām here now
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Love this! Totally agree, we have so many other options!
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