Thanks so much… And you are right it was VERY tough. I won’t be going to a bar again no time soon! I was too close to a reset. Thankfully I was strong enough to resist.
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Groan. 
@anon9289869 That really is a lot. But brave to end the relationship if you know it isn’t working for you. I’m excited for what will come next for you too!
@Leveller “Quitting is easy, I’ve done it hundreds of times” is very true, right? What could you do differently this time to make it stick?
@Lovelylisha Well done on surviving the wedding! And I’m sorry about your husband on the way home. Alcohol really does change people, and not in a good way.
@Butterflymoonwoman Your mum sounds in a tough spot indeed. Having poor mental health, and your brothers control issues (really these are also mental issues), are making each other worse. I am guessing you can’t really talk to your brother? About him addressing his own issues? Or at least recognising they are HIS issues and enforcing them on others is not kind.
@Bluekoolaid Congratulations on 300! Sometimes instability is someone’s stability. I guess that is the case for you. Give it time 
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@Miranda So happy your parents are supporting you!
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I have thought about approaching it myself. The only issue is that he doesn’t know that my mom talks to me. So if I bring it up, he may get upset that mom is venting about him etc. I have brought it up before when everything was aired out on one occasion. He seemed to actually acknowledge his behavior and he was really good apparently for awhile. His issue is that he has no outlet for his stress except those close to him. He works way too much and then releases his frustration onto others which isn’t good.
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Checking in
Day 195
Work is almost done. It has been a very quiet day (my client is away) and I’m glad that it was honestly so that I could text with my mom and help her with her situation at home Apparently my brother apologized to her and things are better. But something has to change honestly. This happens far too often than not.
I got all my paperwork done and have been reading this book that addresses a number of issues towards weight loss. It’s a really good book so far! I have been answering the questions and determining my realistic goal. It’s been very informative so far. There are 7 keys mentioned for weight loss freedom. I’m about to now start key #1. I’ve had this book for 15 years and never read it. Got it when I gained 100 lb in 1 year due to getting clean off meth and thought I’d try a healthy approach to losing weight. And since I am never returning to drugs again, I know that this book can be helpful for me now 
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This is true, your mum confided in you, and whilst your helping her and encouraging her to get support for her issues not related to your brother you dont want her to back off and not speak with you. Your in a difficult situation. Maybe just see how things go the next few days. Its important your mum feels able to talk with you. 
I’m falling asleep so have a lovely night and try not to let it stress you. I think if things get worse your mum will tell you try take some time for yourself 
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Thank you and you are so right.I think me no longer being his drinking partner is kinda taking a toll on him. I also think he know he has a bad relationship with alcohol and don’t want to admit it. I really hope he joins me on this sober journey one day…
Until then I will just do what I have to do for me and my sobriety.
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“The anxiety and depression isn’t gone but it is more manageable. I’m able to observe it instead of drowning in it.” @anon9289869
Congratulations on this and all the other good positives in your life.
I have had long term anxiety like that where I felt like I was drowning and every time I came up for air I would just get pushed down again…
Best wishes to you for your future. Happy for you that you have made changes. The world is out there for you.
@Twizzlers Sweet dreams… sorry your Mom is having troubles…
@Butterflymoonwoman yoyu said your mom said retirement sucks… would it help her to have a part time or full time paid job? Or even do some volunteer work to get out of the house? Nice they have plans to move near you.
@Bluekoolaid Congrats to you on the 300! I am so glad you are here at this site.
@Leveller Congrats on your day one!
@Lovelylisha Yay you for not drinking the “koolaid”… the liquor in the orange juice!
All of you, step at a time, glad to see the struggles and the achievements…
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She is doing a volunteering type thing for the firefighter department in their area. She enjoys that and she enjoys going to church and Bible study. But maybe ur idea of making some extra money would help also! She often feels alone bcuz she is doing it by herself. She wishes my dad was more involved I guess. But having my brother around my be an issue. Once they move out to Alberta, she will love spending time with her grandson and going for coffees with me etc. Me n her have a very strong bond
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For anyone else who feels like they are crazy here’s the issue… I just checked in feeling all excited about knowing that I wasn’t even going to drink tonight because my parents are coming for dinner and they are going to support me in not drinking and I felt super positive and now it’s about 4pm, they’re going to be here in about an hour and a half and I don’t know why I’m thinking about having a drink before they come…
Honestly I don’t know why I’m thinking about it because I feel so good it’s almost like I feel so good I don’t know what to do about it like I’ve had a really good day even though I’ve been tired things seem more clear I have more energy now because I had a little rest and that’s like almost anxiety, but not anxiety. Energy that I don’t know what to do with so I feel like I should just have a drink but I won’t and if anyone can just reply back and support whenever they read this even though I’m totally rambling …it’s helpful… I’m going to do laundry 
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Day 176
Physically tired. Have to see my mom and sister tonight for dinner. Have to work tomorrow. Today has been very depressing and though I have done some things, there is a lot left to do.
Ok!! Stop being petty and sad in this windowless room! Dont nap now, take control of yourself! I relapsed and downloaded all my apps again. 30 days clean of emotional self harm which i have stuck by. But man. The internet!
I am feeling big feelings and lots of thoughts. I finished a notebook I had been writing in for 6 monthsish and started a fresh one today. They are the same type and size, i always like to see them side by side.
I did 15 minutes of cleaning and now ill have to set the timer for another 15. I brought in new items so I do need to handle them. When Im done writing this post, I will make myself begin.
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Yes, that is tough. Could you broach the subject by asking questions and trying to get him to open up? And not letting on that your mum has been confiding in you?
Alcoholism and addiction is so cunning, baffling, and powerful eh? Its just very sneaky. Did u used to drink before they arrived in the past? Maybe it’s a habit that was previously formed. Either way I think ur doing the right thing by getting rid of that extra energy and not drinking. Proud of you!
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Yes I would always have a drink or two before they came. It’s my dad’s birthday and I was wrapping him a gift when I thought I may have cut the paper too small. I knew it would be close…I said to myself(and I know some people probably think this is so dumb but I do stuff like this a lot)…I said in my head " if this paper actually fits to cover around this gift, then it’s a sign that I CAN get though tonight without a drink. I honestly thought it might not fit… Almost hoping it wouldn’t because then… Well, just maybe… But guess what! Yep! The end of the paper met almost perfectly around the box.
Also I’m hungry and that’s a trigger but I don’t want to eat and ruin my dinner. I found a can of unwind ashwaganha herbal adaptogen sparkling tea in the fridge that I forgot was there. I’m having that and going on. Thank you♥️
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I just want to appologize for not responding to many people that are also struggling today as I’m really stuck in my own head right now 
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Reached four months sober a couple days ago. Spent the weekend with my best friend in Minneapolis. Haven’t seen him in a couple years, he was extremely supportive of me going sober. When we lived together he had to cover for me à few times when my drinking got real bad. Life is good
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Solidarity with family encounters!! Just noticed this post. I am outside as though I love them family naturally stresses me and I spent the day stewing in shit.
You dont need that drink!! Go drink a BIG glass of water, make sure its all the way down. Dont forget your urges are deceiving you from what you value rn!
All that matters is minute by minute, remaining sober.
@Shaunda wrote a recent post about success with a similar situation so maybe read that as well for more inspiration
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Hey Miranda.
How you doing?
I use to love pouring myself a nice glass of sparkling water in my favorite wine glass with a slice of lemon. It felt so good to drink sparkling. Made me happier.
Oh by the way your not crazy. Family is stressful shit. Or mine was anyway.
I also read somewhere the other day can’t remember. But when your feeling good, maybe thinking of a drink. Go into another room. That’s it. Just try going into another room. I go into another room and I always forget why I went in there. Sometimes just the little change in things.
Maybe take Charlie out for a Whizzy.
Or scoop Lola’s litter box.
We got your back.
Look at you asking for help and everything.
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Man. That addictive brain is really trying to make some deals with you. Fucker!!
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1582
I am so grateful to be clean. Living life on life’s terms is not always easy. You never know when crazy things will happen.
Today while driving my wife to LAX which is 200 miles away for her flight to Europe, my car engine gives up the ghost on the 405 Freeway 20 miles from the airport. Thankfully it was close enough to the airport that Uber came and picked her up. After getting towed off of the freeway, my mind was clear enough to figure out how I to get myself and my car home about 180 miles away to my two teenagers. I immediately called someone from Narcotics Anonymous and was able to vent my frustrations to them before my wife called to see how I was doing. I think everyone can imagine how horrible this situation could have been if I had been using and high on pain pills. Now as i wait for someone to drive their truck and trailer to haul me home, I am grateful to be clean.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
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Yikes Chad.
I cannot think of a worse highway and situation to be broken down on. Good Lord. That sucks!! I’m glad you’re ok, got your wife off. Vented. Called an NA friend. Checked in here. That’s showing us how it’s done sir.
I hope you get your car fixed up soon.
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