Yes I would always have a drink or two before they came. It’s my dad’s birthday and I was wrapping him a gift when I thought I may have cut the paper too small. I knew it would be close…I said to myself(and I know some people probably think this is so dumb but I do stuff like this a lot)…I said in my head " if this paper actually fits to cover around this gift, then it’s a sign that I CAN get though tonight without a drink. I honestly thought it might not fit… Almost hoping it wouldn’t because then… Well, just maybe… But guess what! Yep! The end of the paper met almost perfectly around the box.
Also I’m hungry and that’s a trigger but I don’t want to eat and ruin my dinner. I found a can of unwind ashwaganha herbal adaptogen sparkling tea in the fridge that I forgot was there. I’m having that and going on. Thank you♥️
I just want to appologize for not responding to many people that are also struggling today as I’m really stuck in my own head right now 
Reached four months sober a couple days ago. Spent the weekend with my best friend in Minneapolis. Haven’t seen him in a couple years, he was extremely supportive of me going sober. When we lived together he had to cover for me à few times when my drinking got real bad. Life is good
Solidarity with family encounters!! Just noticed this post. I am outside as though I love them family naturally stresses me and I spent the day stewing in shit.
You dont need that drink!! Go drink a BIG glass of water, make sure its all the way down. Dont forget your urges are deceiving you from what you value rn!
All that matters is minute by minute, remaining sober.
@Shaunda wrote a recent post about success with a similar situation so maybe read that as well for more inspiration
Hey Miranda.
How you doing?
I use to love pouring myself a nice glass of sparkling water in my favorite wine glass with a slice of lemon. It felt so good to drink sparkling. Made me happier.
Oh by the way your not crazy. Family is stressful shit. Or mine was anyway.
I also read somewhere the other day can’t remember. But when your feeling good, maybe thinking of a drink. Go into another room. That’s it. Just try going into another room. I go into another room and I always forget why I went in there. 
Sometimes just the little change in things.
Maybe take Charlie out for a Whizzy.
Or scoop Lola’s litter box.
We got your back.
Look at you asking for help and everything.
Man. That addictive brain is really trying to make some deals with you. Fucker!!
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I am so grateful to be clean. Living life on life’s terms is not always easy. You never know when crazy things will happen.
Today while driving my wife to LAX which is 200 miles away for her flight to Europe, my car engine gives up the ghost on the 405 Freeway 20 miles from the airport. Thankfully it was close enough to the airport that Uber came and picked her up. After getting towed off of the freeway, my mind was clear enough to figure out how I to get myself and my car home about 180 miles away to my two teenagers. I immediately called someone from Narcotics Anonymous and was able to vent my frustrations to them before my wife called to see how I was doing. I think everyone can imagine how horrible this situation could have been if I had been using and high on pain pills. Now as i wait for someone to drive their truck and trailer to haul me home, I am grateful to be clean.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
Yikes Chad.
I cannot think of a worse highway and situation to be broken down on. Good Lord. That sucks!! I’m glad you’re ok, got your wife off. Vented. Called an NA friend. Checked in here. That’s showing us how it’s done sir.
I hope you get your car fixed up soon.
Evening Check In
Day 195
Been having some slight cravings today. Not 100% sure why. Maybe from the family stress back in my home province. I don’t think I am slacking on my recovery routine. Buuuttt… I haven’t been spending as much time in prayer tho. I need to get back into that. But I have been meditating and that’s been nice! Working on the weekends really throws off my routine. Basically instead of doing what I normally do… exercise, meditation, prayer, self care… I only wake up, get ready, and go to work, and then home to do other tasks and get my son ready for bed. It’s just very diff on the weekends. Looking forward to Monday and getting back to routine. Hope everyone is having a good day/night
Hi Miranda!
I hope the family dinner and Dad’s birthday went smooth, and I’m very happy your parents are supporting you. You’re not crazy, I often say the ‘if this works, then it’s a sign to do this’ etc. The crazy part for me, is I say it out loud, no one here to hear me.
I almost gave in tonight and went to the store for vodka. A storm was moving in, and it’s something about thunderstorms that are a trigger with me. Good thing is I didn’t. And I’m glad you came here when you were stressed and you got help. 
Your personally growth and awareness is impressive to say the least. I’m very glad that you’re here with us 
Congrats!!! Love your new shades and your new coffee mug.
Beautiful growth Jess. Your journey of self discovery is a pleasure to be witness to.
Mah little sugar twin. 
A daycare, currently taking care of 1 year olds so yeah lots of picking them up
Thank you. I appreciate you a lot you’re always so kind
One of the best one’s my “head”… addict… whatever we want to call it would say would be. " OK if when I get to the light and it’s green that means I am not supposed to turn right and go to the liquor store just keep going straight home." So it would be green and I would go through it and then I would be thinking “Ugh fuck so now what? Does that mean I drive by the cold beer and wine by the house?” Lots of times I would stop and just grab 1 tall can as a reward for not going right and getting my usual 2 bottles of wine and 6 pack. But within an hour I would be back at the cold beer and wine getting my usual daily quota.
I am not sure there are many of us that hasn’t had those thoughts.
1178
Coffee. There’s a railway strike going on meaning I have to 
to work today and tomorrow. Weather looks good for it so I got that going for me. What’s also works to my advantage is that I’m sober and clean.
It’s getting harder and harder for me to imagine waking up hungover and having to go to work. Day after bloody day. Never again. This place is helping me remember what a hell that was. Life isn’t easy sober either, but it’s endlessly better.
Let’s have as good a days as we all can friends. Making it clean and sober is the first prerequisite for us all. It’s so very much worth it and it’s doable. Just don’t take that first drink or puff or whatever. Love from Nieuwe Meer Amsterdam.
Hi all. Checking in on day 373 Been a hectic and very tiring few days. Had a good time with my family this weekend celebrating my birthday and one year sober. But took on a few to many shifts at work. Now my school has been suffering. So need to get my mind refocused and back on my routine. Hope everyone is doing well and stays safe!
In a little over an hour I will be 6 months clean. Was gonna wait to check in so I could screenshot the 6 month badge but I’ll probably be asleep by then. I’ll add the badge here if I’m still awake.
Today was okay. I decided I’m going to drop out of my online college. work will get easier, but it is an exhausting job. So I want to have time to relax when I get home. I’m busy Saturdays, so Sundays I’m expected to do a week of work in one sitting. Today I worked for 5 hours and wasn’t even halfway done. I’m also part of a free college program which is being defunded I just don’t know when so it’s probably best to leave before I get a surprise bill. Work is going to pay for my early childhood development license, and they will pay for a
few college classes as well. As much as I find criminal Justice interesting, I think child care or just working with kids in general is something that I would more realistically pursue. I wanted to work in forensics, but it’s really hard to get a job in that if you weren’t a cop before, since they typically just promote cops into that field. I would also have to do so much school that would definitely not be paid for. I can’t imagine myself ever actually getting a job in any criminal field(mostly because of how difficult it is to get one) but I can see myself getting a job in some kind of childcare setting in the future again. I think I really have found my calling.
I ate a meal today which is good. Been playing games and relaxing since I decided I was done with school. I feel like I should be angry with myself but I’m really not. Childcare feels like something that is much more suited for me. I also really didn’t learn much of anything with this online college because I didn’t read the materials 90% of the time. I’d just skim it to find quotes for essays and that was it. I had the interest, just not the motivation
I’m excited to go back to work tomorrow. I kinda missed the kids.
Almost all done now Matt! I’m utterly exhausted and just quickly popped on and saw your tag. Appreciate your thoughts! The real estate called me to come back to the old place due to some minor cleaning I had forgotten… a ceiling fan and window track that was apparently dusty but clean when I went back etc 
so glad I don’t need to deal with agents anymore after today! Here’s hoping this week brings some much needed normalcy and rest x