Checking in daily to maintain focus #47

Life in Recovery
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Day 7!!
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:pray:t2::heart:

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Day 10. Feeling great. Yoga everyday. 2 week mark here I come.

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I would love to live in Germany! The only problem with plumbing is my back won’t last but a year longer in the trade the surgeon told me so I’d have to learn something else :sunglasses::metal:t2:

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Congratulations on your 10 days Emily.
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Great job :clap::clap::clap:

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Congrats on your marriage!!!

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Good job.

Don’t forget that the drugs are just a symptom of our disease. We need to stay ontop of our behavior.

Honesty
Open-mindedness
Willingness

If you don’t have honesty you have nothing. I am proud of you for seeing your behavior for what it was and calling yourself out. Stay on your toes, this disease is cunning and powerful. :heart:

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How about computer repair?

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Day 40 free from alcohol
Day 21 free from toxic guy

I am sooooo f×cking relaxed :scream: :woman_in_lotus_position:t2: :swimming_woman:t2: :blue_heart:

Bike ride yesterday in the evening in the inner city was very cool, even feeled save on the way back in the dark. :biking_woman:t2: Group therapy was
 I don’t know, bit annoying! :yawning_face:

This morning i had a short yoga sequence and afterwards a swim workout (with new training partner) of 3000 meters :blue_heart::muscle:t2:
 So I finished month August in total with 45km which is approximately 28 miles! Waaahaaaa
 Call me queen :swimming_woman:t2:

By the way
 New swim partner and beginning friendship has NOT gone
 Of cause!
He is happy to know me. I am relaxed, my anxiety was not appropriate. He is contacting me, we have a lot of fun, talking, swimming, sometimes flirting. I try to save this good experience and overwrite old shit
 And enjoy! :revolving_hearts:

I took the cold shower again after workout and cuddled me in my warm clothes afterwards. This is such a wellness feeling.

Lunch was glutenfree gnochi with homemade tomato sauce and Parmesan and as dessert a vegan protein bar with peanuts. :grin::muscle:t2:

After that I had a looooing Siesta Napping and hanging around my bed. :yawning_face:

For dinner I will have some Turkish Köffte
and salad. :falafel::green_salad: Rest of yesterday’s pumpkin quiche is freezed (for the bad times :sweat_smile:)!

I don’t have cravings
 Not for alcohol and not for toxic relationship-shit.

Soo passionate with sports. :heart_eyes: I will hop on the mat for some yoga before dinner. :woman_in_lotus_position:t2:

Sending muuuuuuch love :revolving_hearts::blue_heart:
Take care and stay sober! :v:t2:

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Back to day one checking in after taking a break for a while! Day 15 clean of self harm! So proud of myself!

I finally gave myself to God. And just studying the Smith Wigglesworth devotional and reading my Bible for the past couple days have really helped me!

Im honestly tired of beating around the bush. (I’ll make a post about it feel free to read and comment help and advice needed)

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I’m sorry that they weren’t more understanding. That must have been so hard.

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Oh no. I didn’t mean they weren’t understanding. They were very understanding and supportive. They Just simply forgot i had quit drinking. And that was why I was so irritable and angry at everything. And my apologies we very appreciated and a good reminder for them about what I was doing.
:blush:
And it was hard.
But it got easier.

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Nice to hear from you Eric, and that you’re doing fine! I already thought so that have been a bit quiet lately! :face_with_monocle::blush:

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Checking in on day 32
Today has been my last day of my holidays
 bummer! Spent the afternoon at the pool, reading a new book. Also met a friend there, so I had a nice chat with her. Considering I’m not very social, I’m happy and proud of that! (It actually crossed my mind to hide behind my book and pretend I didn’t see her
 :roll_eyes: I do these odd things sometimes)
Tomorrow back to work! :muscle:t2::golf:
Another day sober on the books! :footprints::blush:

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Thanks for sharing T. I would be needing to make a new memory for the candy store too. :laughing:

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Hey guys. Just checking in. Went to a social gathering today. Was really nice.

Other than that, I had a pretty normal day.

Have a nice day guys. Peace.

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Oh good. I’m so glad I misunderstood and that you were supported. I love that. :heartpulse:

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That’s really true about the first drink. I screen capped that to add to my reminder album. It’s not just one drink and then I’ll be done this time. It’s one drink and then that One is gonna make me think it’s ok to have 3 more.

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Day 82 :heart:
Serious lack of motivation at this time. Pissing me off as got loads to do. Sigh
Quit smoking yesterday. Smoked four drags on a docker from the ashtray this morning which is grim but did not buy more cigarettes.
See how that goes

Gonna try leave the house tomorrow, go for a walk or something x

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Day 150

Been a minute, this is a longer post.

Things are going really well lately, and I’m not in the ‘that means something terrible is on its way’ anymore, so just enjoying this.
School schedule on track; been making a solid, concentrated redirection of our family eating/nutrition, & focused exercise daily. It’s honestly for my 10yo, an important part of recovery and acknowledgement of reasons & toxic cycle factors.
She’s adapted great and we’re seeing positive results with no weird backlashes mental health wise. Working with a nutritionist and her doctor for safety purposes.
Accepting that those are just that: reasons, and NOT excuses. I’m not denying those things as a person or parent, and also worked through removing the apologetic explanations to anyone other than her, my 10yo. She’s the only person really who’d deserve that if she ever approached me later in life.
Becoming a better, responsible parent has been a long road with a lot of honest conversations and admissions of faults, acceptances of self and FINALLY reaching the growth portion.
I know others around my circle of friends won’t clearly understand this, or will feel like I’m clinging to mental illnesses as an excuse, but I know I’m not and that’s enough here.
I’m exercising daily, doing my other routine parts and getting comfortable being myself, really love learning who that is now.

That being said.

I am, however, still struggling with verbalizing my own opposing views in my direct family circle & friends, and not instantly being a poser who crumbles and agrees or sheepishly just says the minimal amount for preservation reasons.
I have strong progressive opinions on a lot of things with very conservative family & peers who disagree with them, which is fine in and of itself, but fear of rejection still breaks me down from voicing my real thoughts and furthering conversations.
It’s the last vestige of personal self-guilt and anxiety I haven’t just risked and put out there a lot yet. I am planning to keep trying. I want to be real, not fake, I need this part to happen, I know it’s the last ‘unlocked achievement’, if you will.
Talking about it here is really helpful honestly.
Would appreciate perspective or insight on this from others who’ve overcome it as an issue or are count better with transparency.

Sorry for the short novel, it’s just been a while since I’ve checked in and like, this is the most comfortable place other than my husband and therapist where I feel like I can share and reach out.

Thanks and props to anyone who read this all the way through, have a great day!
Almost to 6 months!

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One of the things that makes it so hard is that natural human need to belong, to be connected.

Where are the places you belong? Where is your safe harbour so that you can weather storms without sinking and losing yourself?

We all need somewhere we belong, even to the point where we’ll erase or veil ourselves, if we feel it’s our only option to have a group.

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