That’s how it works for me as well, great share!
I’ve read somewhere that it takes at least 3 months to change a habit. It needs time to finally click.
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I’m closing in on 2 yrs, but before that…
I’m posting this sitting on a tree stump. My bf is flying his drone behind these bushes. Life is very different from what it was when I was getting started on this forum 2 years ago.
I’m walking off-roads again 
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I’m so sorry you feel like this Maxine. Isn’t there an option to go to work ones a week ore so? So you see people in real life and can built up confidence by meeting people? Ore find a walking buddy nearby? Here in the Netherlands there are online groups to meet people do do activaties with to enhance your social network.
Maybe I jabber (hope it’s the right translation 
), I often want to fix all problems and starts to trow solutions 😵💫
A big hug for you lady 
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I’m sure they will. I can tell you from experience over the last 5 years - more or less overlapping with the beginnings of my sobriety - that I made a choice to cultivate friendships with people when my heart clicked with them, and that has produced some warm and deep friendships. I wouldn’t have done that before, because in my addiction my heart was numb.
Don’t give up. The people are there. Find spaces you can explore, like for example courses or activities or something in your community (or online) and you’ll gravitate to your people. Trust your gut 
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Those are hard and serious things to think. I don’t know what to say that might be comforting. Do you want comfort, or are you just expressing your fears? Even married with kids, my husband will probably go first, and doubt my kids will be at home at that time. Hopefully, all being well I’ll be old and they’ll be independent. Being found later is indeed inelegant, but no death is nice. And I don’t know your beliefs, but for me, what I am sure I won’t know about doesn’t bother me too much. Are you bothered more about being lonely while you are alive, perhaps? That is something you can control or change, regardless of having a romantic partner.
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Exciting! Good job.
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#Day 1444 
“Keep going, keep growing”
That’s my motto and that’s why I have that little behind my sober days.
When I am on holiday I reflect my life and so I did last 2 weeks when I was away in Turkey.
Where do I stand, what have I learned and where do I wanna go to?
Most of all I want to work on my self esteem.
I look confident, but I’m good in faking that.
Next 4 months ore so I am the manager of the store I work in. The manager is temporary helping out another store. I know I can do it, I did it before but still…I’m afraid.
I’m a overthinker, so when I let myself go all worstcase senarios are dropping by 😵💫
So I try not to think to much. When I catch myself thinking of work I say no to myself and try to distract myself. I still have the days off before monday. So I’m not allowing my head going in work modus. Monday it is, not today!
So I keep going, one day at a time. Sober ofcourse.
Thank you for listening
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So proud of you, congratulations on day 18 
I think lots of people worry about the things you are mentioning here.
For me when I drank and took cocaine I use to wake up every morning, look at the ceiling and think well my son didnt have to find me passed away, sigh with relief then call my dealer and go to the shop to get drink to hide all my feelings that were caused from my addiction and all the ones that caused my addiction.
I know your have health conditions too so your worry doesnt just stem from your addiction.
Its natural to worry a bit, but if its something your thinking about all the time speaking with your dr may help.
I think I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.
I’m 37, when my son moves out which will probably be in the next year or two he is 20 yrs old.
I worry I’m going to never meet the right person and going to be on my own all my life. I see lately and notice that my family wouldnt notice they are not interested in me and dont notice any good or bad that happens in my life where as I pay attention and care to theirs i just dont get that back (except my son).
My family dont ever phone me it was always me doing the visits and calling everyday to see how they are which I guess stemmed from my own loneliness knowing it was all just me trying to build the closeness is really upsetting.
I do have some part to play in my loneliness that when it comes to the staying in and only going out when necessary to the food shops, and I’m not willing due to anxiety to go out in the world and live out there, change what I am in control of because I’m so stuck in my own bubble in a way and I guess that makes me feel safe.
The realisation that I have to build my own support system and new friends is difficult.
Some have this naturally and others like us we have to build then ourselves. Small changes and time make this happen I guess.
I’m sorry your feeling so worried about passing and not being found, it does happen and it is sad.
But your here and you can try and get out your comfort zone, and get out in the community.
I know this is so much easier said than done, its something im working on myself that i cant get to last more then a 2 week phase but it does feel good whilst doing it.
Even home support, if you feel you need it but just dont know where to start google stuff in your area and make the phone call.
Where I am there is a bus that picks up people and takes them to community spaces to spend time together for fun stuff, but also for your health if your struggling and dont know where to start to get some support at home try and find out who you need to speak to because once you make a call usually help is available to support you to get help to meet your needs emotionally and physically, once you speak to the right people they will set everything up for you.
If you need some support with research for this I can help you. I’m in the UK, but It doesnt matter where you are I can support you with this.
I have no friends to be honest most of my life the people I have met have just walked all over me and took advantage of my kindness. That doesn’t mean all people are like this I know that but it’s a fear for me.
I’m happy to have eveyone here, I often wonder where I’d be without being apart of this community, and being here was the first time I made online friends and opened up about my addictions - sharing the worst part of me and finding out id been accepted for who I am, while my family seem to not have a care in the world, you have done this too and it really is something to be proud of to do this.
I have been going to meetings and trying to get out there abit in the community but I feel safer at home, that doesn’t mean that I’m helping my self or I know what’s best for myself honestly its fear of messing up for me I think or not being accepted.
I’m glad you posted, there is nothing worse than feeling all these emotions and fears and worries and feeling like you have no one to talk to about them.
We are always here for you I know our experiences are similar and very different at the same time. But if theres anything I can do to help you access services and help in your area for your health needs and just to get you out to have some human Interaction I will do my best to help you set this up, if you would like that.
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Day 41
Trigger warning… Writing about earlier drinking habbits (wine)
I was at the Doc this morning (by bike again… Sooo cool 
) and had a real good conversation with her 
We decided that I will work again on Monday.
There we are… I want to work, also due to financial reasons of cause. But I am a bit afraid about the triggers that I can expect at work Before i was getting sober 41 days ago, I used to have iced white wine DIRECTLY after work … And it was not a glass, it was a bottle. Second bottle followed during evening. That was my drinking routine and my way to compensate everything.
I thought… And was getting more stressed, sad and anxious day by day.
I learned so much during the last 41 days…
My personal highest priorities are:
Sports 
Eating 
Resting 
To rebuild and workout my body… Get muscles, getting stronger, more flexible, get a better posture… Inside and outside makes me feel so confident and self-assured!
And of cause overall… Sobriety!
I wrote down some resolutions on how I want to spend my days… What i deserve!
And also how I want to deal with work! Like bids on a piece of paper… But I think I will additionally make some post it’s 
Sobriety with work next week is a bit like next level! I trust that I will make it!!!
Sending loooove 
Take care and stay sober! 
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Happy Thursday all. Hope you all have an awesome sober day!
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I went to Central London yesterday. And I met my old friend who I used to drink with lots.
Me and my dad had a dinner in his restaurant. My friend told us that he’s finishing shortly and asked if we were fancy going for couple of beers. I asked my dad if he’d like to go and he said yes. So we went to a pub where I used to drink…
I must say, I had quite a struggle not to have a beer. I really was craving one, perhaps the memories and company had influenced me. I had to take myself aside and talked to myself about what I really want. I had to think about possible consequences of the scenario when I would decide to have “few” beers. I can’t believe that I was really thinking to give in “just for once”.
Thankfully I had to have an angel over my head and I decided not to order alcohol. And when we were later walking back home, I knew I made the right decision. But the true appreciation came today in the morning, when I walked very early around the neighbourhood with my coffee and knew that if I’d have had drank yesterday, I would be hangover and this nice walk would be unlikely possible…
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Day 93. Up, at it and just taking the day as it comes will see what she’s got. Take care
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Hey all, checking in on day 809. I hope everybody has a good one!
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60 days free of gambling today! Very few urges lately, my brain chemistry seems to be evening out. Definitely been over eating and my diet has gone out the window, which is bad as I have kidney issues, but I feel strong enough to start enacting a bit more self control over that and not rely on food to feel better.
Onwards and upwards!
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Hi @Twizzlers,
Did you already try therapy, etc. to reduce your social phobia? I have and had same issues, but it got better after I stopped drinking willingly.
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Day 2 checking in 16 days free of self harm day one and a half free of the M of PMO. I think half a day counts right? lol
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I was quite surprised to hear about your daily schedule Yoga, swimming etc. and thought you would also work.
I hope that you can easily start working, keep your schedule and being sober at the same time.
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I’m on a waiting list for therapy atm, I did do 12 sessions a few months ago and it really helped so much.
Since stopping drinking my life is better, and my emotional state too. I think my brain is still balancing back out even now, andbin gratefull for this. I speak with my dr about anxiety but I stopped taking medication and have tried more natural ways to help this like herbal teas and exercise and acceptance and gratefullness and it works.
But yes i guess i still have alot to work on. I have a really stressful ongoing situation that it difficult and very triggering to talk about which the therapy is for, which makes me sad all the time it’s a terrible loss I wouldnt wish on anyone but as I mentioned I just cant talk about it but the therapy hopefully can help with this as drinking definitely wont!
Thank you
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Me too! I’ve been off my depression and anxiety medication for about 7 months now and aside from the lows I go through I generally feel so much better without them for sure!!! Proud of you always @Twizzlers 
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Day 811 clean and sober today. I hope everyone has an amazing day, love you guys!!!
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