Thank you. I am glad for it.
I didn’t struggle at all for the whole 2.5years and this year I had one relaps in June when I was in Italy. I started listening recovery podcast again and trying to remind myself how ugly the life used to be when I drank 
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Good to see you’re still killing it, congrats on 80
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me it just feels like a little at a time….each idea, coping structure practiced, intention practiced IS the growth part…feeling calmed by that- I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. Grateful for this post as it’s been a landing spot to help sort through it and see others go through messiness too. Gentle wishes to all.
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Congratulations for staying strong, Jana! It was certainly a very triggering situation! 
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Hi guys it’s me Brian doing a daily check in just cause I think it is helping me fell better by just letting go of some things.
It’s now day 27 for me out of rehab, wish I could say things are getting better but there not really.
Still trying to get a job running out of places to apply, and not really funny but if they do a background
check no need for me to put one in there.
Still going to A.A. trying more than one spot think that I found a spot to make my home group but guess it is going to depend on what happens (days off ) when I finely get a job.
Well trying to keep my head and hopes up high that things will work out but I don’t know it’s hard out here and at the same time trying to get off the meds.
Still Sober… And thanks for letting me share.
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Daily check in
80 days
Today I was driving home and all of a sudden it was like I was talking to myself. “80 days damn! I’m doing good… THIS ISNT YOU! YOU LIKE TO HAVE FUN! WHAT DOES FUN LOOK LIKE NOW THAT YOU’VE SENTENCED YOURSELF TO NO ALCOHOL, YOUR FUN STARTER? FUN HATER! NO ONES EVER GONNA WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU NOW YOU SOBER LOSER!” LoL
It’s funny because this is the type of thinking I used to do more often during hangover anxiety. I Haven’t had those type of negative feeling about myself for a couple months. Maybe not funny 
I do believe words have power, especially how a person/I talk to myself.
Anyway I know better. Firstly my wife and kids enjoy my company loads more now sober. Also alcohol never brings me joy, and joy = fun so…
This IS me NOW. This isnt a sentence, its freedom, and the friends I HAD are all gone, have been for years. THIS IS MY DAILY CHECK INTO REALITY
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Congrats 
on 80!
Yes, dockers are cigarette butts, yuck. I’ve done well today, no patch but so many flippin cravings aaarrghhh 
I’ll be over the worst of it in a few days 
Good luck 
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Hang in there Brian, you will find something eventually! Don’t lose the faith! 
Congrats on your sober time!
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@Dan531 Thank you so much!! Feeling amazing.
@BLOODSHOTJOKER Thanks sober twinsie!! Lets keep stacking them days!!
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Thank you.
Thank you so much 
I had another lazy day but I’m not gonna beat myself up over it. I got out the house this evening so feeling refreshed and inspired 
thanks for your support, so encouraging
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Day 83 
Had an amazing evening just now. I decided to go out to watch some performance poetry at the theatre. I thought it was going to be young local people. Well, it was, but Joelle Taylor was also there and two other well know slam poets. What an inspiring night. Might get some lyrics going so glad I made the effort to move
Feeling great. Had so many points where I was gasping for a cig. At the break, after the show, getting home. But I didn’t give in, even in the shop. In my mind I was thinking if I know someone round town I’m gonna ask for a fag from them. I laughed at myself because I thought I would ask for a fag before saying hello. Fortunately, I didn’t see anyone I know, or it may have been curtains…
Got a challenging weekend ahead. There’s a 3 day music festival in my city and I’ve got 2 weekend passes. Not sure what I’m going to do yet.
Keep on keeping on x
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Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and suggestions I’m exactly the same as you were. I think about a cig before I wake up properly and have got one in my mouth soon after. I’ve done great today. Let’s hope tomorrow is the same. I’m gonna do the same as I do with alcohol, one day at a time. Congratulations on quitting, it’s a great achievement
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Day 180
I deleted the apps.
Just now.
I dont need the constant stream of traumatic content. Im offline. I can learn how to best help other people offline. I can be informed in other ways. I can read books. Just live.
I have quesadillas to make tonight. I will use the vegetables, cheddar and open bag of tortillas I have. Yesterday I finished the jar of pasta sauce I had before it went bad.
Today is my friday. Tomorrow is therapy.
Last night I watched 2 movies - Night of the Kings and The Thing (1982) and was so tired I was making many excuses for myself to skip. But i set the timer and cleaned and yk what - the litter box was changed, all the clothes are picked up, and Im coming home tonight to a much nicer place where I can do laundry. I wish i had tried this years ago. I wish I got sober years ago!!
Glad to be done with work today. Hope tonight is calm. My brain is so scary. Im tired. Thanks for reading.
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Thank you & doing my best
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All the best with the job hunt Brian, hope it works out and we’ll done for staying sober in such trying times.
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Maxine, it’s hard feeling alone and even harder when you can’t imagine ever being with someone. I felt like that too and I even told my sponsor at 6 months that I’d never be with another man again. Recovery proved me wrong. “HP’s” will not mine.
We learn to trust people in recovery and the people that come into our lives are different. We don’t attract the same types of people because we start to love ourselves and that shows on our outside, we glow.
Have you considered doing online AA or NA meetings. The online community is amazing, you can make a homegroup, you’d see the same people every week and get to know other addicts. You know NA is an acronym for Narcotics Anonymous but also for Never Alone and we stand by that strongly. You don’t have to suffer alone, share your pain it will weigh less.
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Day 148
Keep strong everyone
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304
Today has been better then yesterday. I had ridiculous relapse day dreams all day yesterday but ended up playing the tape on all my choices. I didn’t really want to drink I just didn’t want to feel. And at this point I’m not worried about going back to day 1 because a relapse would be so much more then that and who knows if I would make it back . So I just won’t pick up the first drink. When I woke up today I felt rested and honestly proud of myself for not caving in.
I don’t have relapse thoughts today . I been taking care of myself and being good to myself . Food , music, sun light, communication. Looking forward to getting paid tomorrow and stocking up on some fruit !! Been mostly eating frozen mango or mango in the fruit cups but tomorrow I’m going to buy fresh mango and learn how to cut them. Also going to buy some more healthier food and try to cut back on junk.
I want to have a more productive day tomorrow and might go to the beach in the morning . But I’m not going to beat myself up for having some self care time and taking it easy the last couple days . When things get weird for me I have to Rely on the basics .
I hope everyone is hanging in there and staying strong . I love you all !! God bless
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