Its quiet tonight…
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I love everyones shares. Im an addict and “caught up” working on it…
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We’re all watching football 
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Day 327 AF
What’s up, fam.
Busy day at work. It’s my annual review tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll get a good raise lol. 2 cents, baby!
Watching the football game right now…sober. Ima go for a walk after.
Congrats to everyone on those milestones.
Peace!
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Hi-
Well, today I did it. I threw away the last of my benzodiazepines. I haven’t been taking my prescription for the past four days. For the past month or so, I have been weaning myself off of the benzodiazepines. I also know that my new psychiatrist will not prescribe me any new benzodiazepines, so I really have no choice but to eliminate that drug from my system. My wife has sent me numerous articles about the dangers of addiction and benzodiazepines. I am grateful for her and grateful to God for giving me the strength to move forward without the benzodiazepines.
I am taking my life back from all of the medication‘s that were prescribed to me for my anxiety and depression. I also think that my new psychiatrist doesn’t do me any favors. I am going to go the private pay route and see a private pay psychiatrist physician. The cost is high, but I hope the quality is better than what I have been given. I will hopefully use a health savings account in the future to help fund the cost of care. My mental health is worth the financial investment.
I am staying sober and I am very grateful.
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@anon53116147 Yaay! 
@Miranda Well done! Keep going! 
@Imcrafty Nice work! 
@Lorelai Well done on the sh milestone . How are u doing?
@Butterflymoonwoman I sometimes feel like I am playing that game in the arcade where moles pop up and you have to hit them with a hammer. But instead of moles it’s addictive behaviours; as soon as you make progress with one, another gets worse. I don’t have specific advice exercise wise, just sending commiserations.
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Hi @NashNathan -
I lost my job earlier this year and it really knocked me down. I relapsed multiple times. Be gentle on yourself and stay strong. You will need to take care of yourself during this time of transition.
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Yes its me kevin. I did change my pic to a redition of sisyphus. Generically speaking i wanted more amenity while i was still on and off with my refer use disorder as i could lose my job despite a medical card and ive learned repeatedly that the older i grow the smaller the world seems to be. Specifically i feel the story speaks to the endless struggle of life and to me the feeling of futility, but I like this rendition as its more triumphant than others. I like to think that even sisyphus can find joy in his role once he accepts and works to find beauty with every step, perhaps even the boulder itself.
Its nice to see you on here still too. I agree that aspects of parenting are as uncomfortable as they are necessary too. Things have been good past couple of days. 
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Day 187 again
I was honestly about to do a 3rd day of stress painting and ignoring the tidying rule. All excuses were being made. But I did it, I tidied. Made myself set the timer and go for exactly 15 minutes. It made a difference. Now I can paint with a clear floor and ill wake up glad I did it tomorrow.
Goodnight.
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Day 759
I realised that my first day back at work is next week, so that has lit a fire under my ass. Not til Thursday but I need to check, alter and print out lots of stuff, cut and dye my hair, etc. I wish I was more motivated to do things before it HAS to be done. And again lots of unessential things have been left undone.
But…my not drinking feels very stable and sustainable. Food is ticking along ok. Much to be grateful for.
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Congrats on taking a step away from the benzos! We are here for you if you need us. You got this!
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Evening check in. Feeling beat the heck up! Signed up for a half marathon on nov 6th so im increasing my miles again and have been doing jujistu a couple times a week making those days (today being one of them) a 2 workout day. Other than that im decreasing my caffiene as a friend pointed out its affects on tension when i told him how tense i am lately since i quit pot. Life is pretty good overall and im def worn out enough to sleep without any chemical aides!! Thats a big win in my book.
Take care y’all, your doing awesome. I hope to have more time reading here tomorrow
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Oh yes. I am so guilty of this too!
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Hello friends. Checking in at the end of day 454. Busy, busy day but much less drama than yesterday. My nine year old had a soccer game, and then we grilled out in the beautiful late summer weather. All in all a lovely day, and I got to enjoy it without the dark grip of ethanol.
Tomorrow I leave for a work trip so I have to wake up early and pack because I procrastinate like it’s my damn job. Hope you are having a good day or night wherever you are.
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1189
Coffee. I guess I’m nervous about the second intake for Pesso group therapy I’m doing later today. Only slept a couple of hours. Will try to nap later. For now I’m restless. Too much going on, in my head, in my heart.
At times I think I’ve taken too much hay on my pitchfork (to use a Dutch expression). My new job which I like more each day but it’s intense, and takes between two and three hours of commuting daily. Might get a car after all as it would cut my travel time in half. Individual and group therapy. My course in working with experiential expertise.
I used to be so used to have three days a week to myself. To do nothing. Although I didn’t do nothing. I drank and I smoked and numbed and ran and hid myself. From myself. Just so that I did not have to think about myself, about life. That I did not have to feel. Which got me absolutely nowhere but a little bit deeper in the hole I dug for myself each and every day.
Until the only way out I saw for myself was to end it. Which is not totally true as I am here now. I saw the real way out is to stop the madness of doing the same each and every day expecting a different result. Started my personal journey of recovery/discovery. Sober and clean. It’s hard work but it’s a work of love and I love to do it. One day at a time.
I did find the time to talk out a little conflict me and my friend for 30 years had too last night. I actually got my point across. Although she didn’t quite acknowledge it, I know she heard it. It’s a small step in the right direction of us having a better, more balanced relationship. Small steps.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean. It’s the only way for all of us. It’s why we’re here. Love from the Amstel river.
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It’s hard to find a balance for sure, but you’re right-
Your body is not a machine. If you don’t listen to your body, you run the risk of injury and then can’t work out at all. Been there, done that.
Also, I hate to break it to you but those “calorie counters” on the machines are far from accurate. Give yourself permission to trust your body-to know how to challenge you and also let you know when it needs a rest. You don’t have to do a certain number of reps, or hit a certain calorie burn to have a great workout. Thinking of you♥️
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Happy to hear you are continuing to work on and make progress with your friend . Long term serious relationships, platonic or romantic, take work.
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#Day 1451 
Bought a necklace yesterday. I have the money for it, but I do not need it. I have a daycounter for my shopping behaviour so I resetted that one. Feel guilty about it. I have to safe more money, but when I have it I use it to buy stuff 
Breath in…breath out…
Today? Work!
Tomorrow? Work!
And then a one day weekend. Have a 40 houres work week this week. Never has worked this much houres in the 13 years I work here 
Next week is my 4 year milestone, getting my nose pierced if I get there and I will! 
Picture is from a special tree I walk by a lot, there is a small hole in it. I like it!
Make something good out of this day people, I’m going to do so myself
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Day 353 checking in got a slight neck strain which is effecting my sleep other than that I’m doing ok still sober odaat hope everyone is well 
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I totally understand, and its great to see you here and im glad i know its you now 
You do what is right for you, but also means your able to access all the support still thats whats important
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