It’s day 22. I will just be honest. I want to drink today. I want to numb out and disappear and just escape for a while. My drunken suicidal episode from three weeks ago has maliciously been made public by someone. My name is being dragged through the mud. I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I’m angry. I hate some of these people involved. I wish they would all just fuck off and leave me alone. Have I done some wrong shit? Absolutely. 100%. But making me look worse then I am brings along some very real consequences that I do not deserve. And it’s hurting others … specifically my kids. So, day 22. Will I drink? No. I will stay sober. But this shit sucks.
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Day 188
Having morning coffee. Stomach is weird. Desperately wanted bagels but used ingredients in the house to make baked oatmeal instead. Will get bagels another time. Started soaking pinto beans for tonight.
I have all these art thoughts. Therapy today. Big physical anxiety. Feel lost about what to prioritize getting done on this day off. Have 3 whole days.
Should I set a timer to organize my desk and see where thst takes me? Its the worst area of the room. Also need to do laundry.
Absolutely committed to sobriety today. Hope you all are having a strong sober day, all cravings to use do pass and can be overcome.
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That’s awesome news Dana and we love you too!!! 
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Yeesh. That’s rough. No one in a mental health crisis should ever have that moment held over their heads. Who ARE these people!? I’m so sorry that they are using a moment of pain and struggle in your life to try to stomp you down further. You should t be embarrassed but THEY should be.
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That totally made me smile. I swear i literally felt that! Thanks lady 
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Day 15- got my Covid booster yesterday and It REALLY kicked my butt. I think I’m over the hump now but yeooouch my body hurts. And this has nothing to do with anything but have you all ever tried rye bread? This stuff is delicious. It’s my new favorite.
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I didnt know u were an er nurse! U must have seen some crazy horrific stuff happen. They were overall receptive. Once i started getting firmer with them, I felt like i was taken more seriously. I was annoyed tho that i requested an oncology nurse to come an access his IVAD port in his chest for bloodwork bcuz its tricky to access. And no one listened to me about that. The ICU nurse didnt have as much experience and tried to access it and it didnt work. So this 3/4 inch needle goes into my sons chest and hes crying and getting worked up which in turn makes his secretions worse, all the while i cant suction him bcuz he has no trach. So i wasnt happy about that. And i demanded to get someone who has more experience to come and do this. They listened then. I just dont think i should have to be borderline yelling to get what i know my son needs. Other than that tho, others listened and at the end of the day he got what he needed and i dont regret speaking up for him. He is still sleeping with his new trach in and getting some good rest. Thank u for ur support Kevin 
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Stick with it… you aren’t that person you were 3 weeks ago. It’s none of our business what other people think or say about us… fuck them.
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What a stress that was for you all 
Glad your son is in good hands now and has such a good mom like yourself.
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I agree with @Dan531 , f*#%k them. And also, I think it says more about them; the people doing the talking than you. If I heard someone talking negatively about someone who was going through a tough spot and felt despair I’d shut them down.
It goes back to basics, 
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Awe thank you! Hes finally awake on not needing oxygen or anything. So im happy with how things are looking
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Happt Friday everyone! Have an awesome day.
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Happy Day 60 for me today. I still cant believe it lol.
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Trigger Warning Child Abuse
Day 91 
It’s been a busy week. Started my new job. Also going back to my other job after summer break. Not read any stories lately, sorry but I hope you’re all smashing it and for those who are struggling, keep going, you will get there.
I’ve done something which may seem small but it’s really big to me. I’ll give some context. I was brought up in care. I spent two yrs living with one family who had 3 children and fostered 3 children. Their own children had a lot more benefits than us. They had art classes and sports lessons and stuff like that. They also had piano lessons. I would be allocated money from social services for my development and I wanted to do piano lessons. My foster mum said no as she wanted her own children to feel that they had things for themselves. I’ve always resented this. I’ve never had the confidence to do it myself. My confidence has been beaten out of me by lots of different things but one thing I will share is that my foster mum wouldn’t let me put my underwear in the family washing machine as I came from an abused background and she said I might have diseases. I had to hand wash them in the sink. Bitch. Last week I found out about piano lessons in my area. I’ve signed up, paid and I start at the end of September. I’m buzzing. I might be really crap 
but I also might be really good. And I would never know until I try. I feel this is massive. It’s a big fat two fingers up to them and it will help me let go of the resentment I carry. I’m so pleased 
Keep on keeping on x
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Many thanks for your text and picture!
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Big congrats on taking the piano lessons, that’s huge!
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All the best for you and your family!
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Thanks, I’m so excited
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Oh girl… i am so beyond sorry for what you had to endure as a child. This really upset me reading this bcuz u deserved sooo much more. BUT…u my friend, just took ur power back!!! I am sooo incredibly beyond happy for u. Im really excited for u to start ur piano lessons 
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