I get how you feel. You are NOT a fake or a poser. Your a human being. Our emotions can change like the tides and especially if we have that addict voice. Sometimes I feel like Im two people. One day I write about how great I feel being sober, and I even offer some helpful (hopefully) advice or encouragement, and then the next day my addict voice says “just one…” And there I go. I feel like a hypocrite. Why would anyone take me seriously?? Because, we are all in this together. Our own personal journeys, but sharing many of the same thoughts, feelings, and struggles. Share when you can, and if you don’t- you still need to check in when you start to feel yourself slipping. We are here for you no matter what♥️
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Thinking about you. How are you doing now?
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Aussies will understand…I don’t want to look like a crazy person on my walk. Too scared to bike ride, that I’ll fall off. I hate this time of year 
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Day 78 
Been around town buying craft supplies. I found an old disposable camera in a drawer at home so took that to get developed. I thought there may be pictures of my daughter when she was young but, alas, the film was empty.
Watched a funny puppet show in the main square. Came home and cooked nice food.
Chilling in front of tv listening to the proms. Feeling content and peaceful x
Keep on keeping on x
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DAY 3
Had a horrible sleep. Was woken up by my cat immediately thought my day was ruined, thatI’d be tired all day and I was frustrated. Then I stopped and thought about my mindset.
I took a deep breath, got up, had coffee and oh well, I might be tired today but I’m not hungover so that’s great.
It’s been an ok day. A lot of up and downs and it’s only just after 1 pm here. I have been consciously trying not to lose it over (in the grand scheme of things) insignificant things.
I feel off today, but instead of trying to fight it, I’m just rolling with it. It’s helping a little.
You guys help A lot
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Yes it does. Congrats on day 175, thats amazing.
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Wishing you all the best for the weekend 
If it helps, I had a couple of tough days this week yet feel very peaceful today. Hang in there 
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Hoping you get a good sleep tonight
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I have stayed away in the past and even pushed away positive influences such as this forum because I felt like I wasn’t in it enough or sober enough or my beliefs didn’t fit the common narrative of the Forum but it was to my detriment as this place, people constantly struggling to better themselves as be sober is a positive. Anything that tells you you should turn away from a positive is by default a negative and should be ignored. Just my experience
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Checking in
Day 194
My work day has been okay but my client had really been struggling today. Constant agitation with periods of full on crying. She wasnt mentally unwell. Hadnt showered in days or cleaned up her place that she trashed 2 days ago. Quite paranoid and hearing alot of voices of people who are “abusing” her. I know her very well so I know what approaches help for different symptoms she is experiencing. Also offered her a PRN for her agitation which she refused. But through talking and supporting her I was able to help her. And now she is laughing watching the rain pour outside from the window. She opended up to me about something that has been bothering her physically. And she even said, “I don’t know why, but I trust you to tell you this”. That made my day. I supported her and gave her suggestions to help with her issue. Her comment meant alot to me bcuz she DOES NOT trust many people. I’m grateful to be clean. I am not only so much more present for my family but also for every client I’m with. In this field we rarely get any thank yous or praise or positve feedback. But at times my clients will say something that really means alot and makes me feel like what I am doing is really helping. Grateful for another day clean and sober!
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Hi everyone…
just need to share a few late thoughts about a situation today!
I had really very hard and overwhelming feelings after swimming this evening. My new training parter left earlier as he was a bit tired today. I think I was a bit disappointed, although we made a new appointment for Monday (he asked for it) and he said he’s already looking forward to it, as we said bye. Everything fine and normal.
I pushed my workout to the limit alone with my disappointment and scarry feelings… and had a icecold shower afterwards. Sitting in my car…
I started crying, big tears running down!!!
On the way home is a beverage market…
I didn’t think about buying wine …
But i thought about… How often I bought some there… And this emotional situation was extremely dangerous!!!
I made it!!! At home I took some warmer closes and called a good friend and we made a night walk with his dog.
I was able to reflect the situation.
This new person in my life, just leaving earlier today as he was a bit tired, triggered childhood trauma of “being left, being alone, everybody is leaving me, i am alone, I’m worth nothing!”
The truth is, the situation was harmless, he made the next date, we get along very well, there is no reason why he should leave me.
I am an adult and safe and there are many more people to relate to in this world. I am safe!
After all… I made it!
Without alcohol… And with a lot if reflecting.
Thanks for having the possibility to connect with this community 
Let’s write positive experiences in our future!
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That really is amazing self awareness! It would have been very easy to fall onto that trap of overwhelming feelings and go and drink. Not only did u challenge ur thinking and made it home safely, but u also came to understand where that feeling came from! Thats impressive! Thats amazing work!
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Thanks for your response
and understanding 
With alcohol I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to look closely to this situation! 
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Ita very true eh? Like without our minds being bogged down with booze n drugs, it’s amazing what can be accomplished and addressed. Yet my addictive thinking would tell me that I couldn’t cope without drugs or manage my stress/emotions on my own… lies… all lies haha
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I am a firm believer in the power of recovery. The longer you are in it the more aware you become of your innate strength. I believe we don’t get stronger the longer we are sober. What we do get is more aware of our strength because we aren’t burying it under drugs, alcohol and excuses any more. The more often we exercise our strength the more power we are giving to our self image as a person who is capable. I find that is something to celebrate.
Today I got my new Ray Bans in the mail. A few hours after I made my decision to quit smoking and I set a tracker Marlboro emailed me telling me I won them. Awesome of Marlboro to give me a going away present lol.
I am also a firm believer in rewarding ourselves. I put in 12 days of hard won freedom from cigarettes. Such a short time but such an eternity. So when I saw the coffee cup in the picture below I knew I had to reward myself. We work hard to recover. It’s ok to gift ourselves too.
I didn’t think about smoking when I woke up. Progress!!
So this pic is me and my granddog, Jerry enjoying the fresh air. Have a blessed day! Jer and I sure are!
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Omg I love everything about ur post!! Beautiful picture also! And huge HUGE congratulations on 13 days nicotine free!
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Thank you. 
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Happy day three. Sorry it was a bit of a ride but good job just rolling with the punches today
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U may feel like a poser but ur not. I promise u that ur not. The rationalizing etc is what we all experience. I often talk about the little voice in my head that tries to justify and rationalize and make up excuses why I should use drugs. This addictive voice is a huge lie. What ur experiencing is very normal for an addict/alcoholic. Sometimes when I check in, it feels “fake” bcuz at times I didn’t let the real and raw side of recovery for me show. Or I force myself to be positive when inside Im hurting. U are exactly where u are supposed to be 
keep checking in. Don’t let that voice tell u that u don’t belong or that ur a poser or ur acting fake. That voice is a lie. U matter and ur recovery matters. U deserve to the support like all of us do on here. And no matter if u check in a little or alot, plz check in if u need the support. No matter what our DOC is, it can be a life or death situation (wether from the drug itself or from an “outside” source such as a car accident etc). Its important to seek the help when u need it
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