Day 104. Grateful day, last week of group. Things are well, out riding the new bike. I plan on getting a set of tires to stud for the winter, hope you all don’t mind I post a picture just happy I got another bike to enjoy
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Nice. We’re you like hovering to catch that or was it just incidental?
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Day 18 and I’m triggered. I have mom issues. Long story short she’s a gaslighting dismissive butthole. Everything is someone else’s problem and she’s an angel.
I know that when I have to deal with her I drink heavily to dull my rage and reaction towards her cause she’s never gonna change so I just need to keep our visits short and infrequent and weather the storm.
Today I went to the eye doctor and the optician there triggered every bad emotion my mom piles on me. And as I was stomping out of there I thought “where can I get a boozy coffee at this hour? Or a mimosa? I’m so pissed”
Now I’m mad that I realize that I’m using booze probably more than I even thought as an emotional regulator. Why was that my first thought to calm down? Anyhow I didn’t go get a mimosa. The very idea is absurd. But now I’m walking around with icky feelings. I tried doing jumping jacks in the parking lot like a lunatic thinking I could get my anger out at the situation and at myself I’d I just got my heart rate up. I do NOT know how to let go of being angry without getting in someone’s face or drinking it away.
Anger is not a feeling I experience very often but when I do. Man. It’s strong. I hate it. I feel like it runs away with my body in tow like I’m not in the driver seat anymore. And I know that’s from a childhood full of trauma. I just don’t know how
To pump the brakes. But I don’t want to be mad all day and I don’t want to drink it away either.
Tips and tricks appreciated. Thank you for listening to my rant.
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Glad you are keeping a positive mindset Fleur, and yes I also found a lot of irony when this happened to me. Then I thought… “hmmm maybe I am just noticing…”
Sending lots of positive juju your way. 
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Wow what a beauty Mike!!! So happy you got a new bike and can get out for some nature therapy now.
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This is the perfect description of what recovery entails. You handled your emotions by drinking and getting in somebody’s face or -probably- both at the same time. Now we don’t drink any more we need new ways to deal with life.
I can’t tell you what your way is. For me it has been connecting with my true feelings. Why are you so enraged by your mum, next to the obvious? Change the things we can and accept the ones we can’t may sound cheap but I really think it’s the answer. We can change ourselves. By hard work. And we can change how we approach life, and people, and situations. The world and the people in it we can’t.
You’re showing great insight in your situation. That’s the start of change. You’re on the right way. Congrats on 18 days. Keep going.
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Thank you. For your insights.
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Thank you Menno! Pure truth… And also my expirience during the last weeks. I am still surprised how calm I am when I am dealing with these feelings. Okay, exhausted sometimes or angry or sad… But I am handling it in a very calm and polite way… To myself. 
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Day 25. The drama never stops. My wife (who I am in the process of divorcing) has told me she intends to take my four children to another state 1,000 miles away. I’m reaching out to our county court to see if there’s a way for me to put a stop to this. Very frustrated. Very angry. Want to numb out, but I won’t. I’ll stay sober and fight for my children.
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Day 52 free from alcohol after-work checkin
Hard day at work…
Bit overwhelmed at quitting time.
Sit down at home on the mat and asked myself, what I need and what it needs… Now. 
It was food and a nap.
Just still lying on bed and chilling around.
Will take a nice evening walk in half an hour or so… Outdoor pool closed yesterday 
so I will not go on swimming everyday, but a walk or a bike ride is not that bad too.
Of cause I will change to the indoor pool…
As long as Europe will hopefully not have to close everything down 
…
Then I just have to buy a ticket out here 
Due to my hard insecurities without logical reasons with the “new swimming partner or friend, getting to know and like each other process” I used a technique called “counter thoughts”. So I wrote down my critical thoughts on left side of the paper and on the other side a positive thought (or just simple reality 
)! How helpful!
If I would still drink, first 2 glasses of wine would have been down in my stomach BEFORE even thinking of sitting down on the mat and ask what it needs and act like that… Unthinkable to reflect emotions or using a technique to calm.
Sending peace, ease and love!
Take care 
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Stay strong Kris!
Sending strength and power 
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Thinking of you during all this and sending u all the positive energy I have 
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Wow 
thats a nice bike!!! Way to go on a great purchase. I know hiw much u love bike riding
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Kind of both…first saw 555.34 so hovered until all 5s.
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Lol. I love it.
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Too bad, Brian. But you stopped at one and here you are, back on thd sobriety train. I call that a win.
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I think this is an excellent attitude to have. Bummer on the reset but bravo on the positive mental attitude towards restarting and doing better. As a newb it’s really nice to see that. It’s hard to not hate yourself for “failing” but hating yourself doesn’t make you better at anything. Hard lesson to learn though. Well. For me anyhow.
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Checking in on day 3
Tried to make the best of my day off. I had to take my car to the mechanic in the morning, cooking for the entire week, and in the afternoon I went lane swimming (opening days of the pool were extended one more week because of the good weather! 
) Really enjoyed the lane swimming, no kiddos around cause they’re back to school since today! 
Tomorrow back to work, 2 days ago we had an important tournament and it turned out in a disaster, therefore I’m not looking forward to seeing my boss and going to work… 
Have a good week everyone! 
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Im scared. People on this sobriety journey alongside me have relapsed recently. Its scary. It hits close to home. I dont want to relapse. I will continue to put in the work. Just because they relapsed doesnt mean i will … keep doing the next right thing
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