Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,512.
Thanks
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Hey all, checking in on day 824. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 826 clean and sober. I hope everyone has an amazing day today! 
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Lol this was my favorite scene from that movie 
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Day 108 just saying hi and much love
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How are you doing today?
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Wow i have just seen this Miranda 2 weeks massive congratulations to you !! Your doing amazing oh wow this is brilliant to see 
Everyone over the past few days who has reached a milestone or is sober for today congratulations to you all.
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Iām so sorry Daniel. I feel sad when I read this because I honestly feel I can relate. Iām not telling you at all to just keep your head up and wait, but I am sharing with you that around that same time in my life I felt the same words you are writing. I felt so alone, desperate, anxious, angry, sad, scared and really could not understand the point of getting up in the morning. It did take a lot of work, counseling and also finding the proper medication, but i did get through those darkest times. Im still aware of my anxiety, and have some days I feel low, but I also have good days and find joy in life. Are these feelings you are having now constant, or are there moments you feel better?
Iām glad your are here. Please keep sharing. Perhaps talk to you doctor again, make appointment with your therapist or if you need to call a crisis line. You are here for a reason, you are called about, you are going to be ok. Please know I careā¤ļø
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Well here I am again. Day 1 again. I went 18 days last time and thought I could just drink socially and on weekends. I was wrong, again. My doctorās had put me on a couple different medications for back issues, one of them being Lyrica. I didnāt like the way it made me feel, ironically, half drunk, so I stopped taking it. Come to find out it has pretty bad side effects when you stop taking it. Some being agitation, suicidal thoughts, mood swingsā¦ Last night I decided to have a few drinks and got in an argument with a loved one, instead of hitting them (which I have never done, and will never do) I decided to take it out on myself and punch myself in the side of the head. Genius, I know. Now I have a giant black eye and probably the lamest story ever for how I got it. Not sure why Iām sharing this other than to make myself realize how ridiculous I was. I donāt know if the stopping the Lyrica had an effect on the way I acted but Iāve never done anything like this before. I only had a few drinks last night and now I will use this black eye as a daily reminder why I wonāt ever drink again. The most embarrassing part is having to face my children. What kind of example have I set for them? Not one I would want them to be following. Thank you for reading and God bless all.
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Oh Iām sorry. Itās a crappy feeling I know. I canāt speak for everyone else, but I want you to know youāre not alone. I have had a moment similar to thisā¦ Hurting myself in frustration and feeling so embarrassed about it after.
I have also been on medication that has affected me when I have tried to stop so I understand in some ways how it makes you feel like youāre not quite 'in your own self"ā¦ If that makes sense.
Thinking of youā¤ļø
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Thank you very much. Yeah it makes complete sense. Iāve felt lost these last couple of weeks. Work has been crazy, life outside of work has been crazy, Iāve had crippling back pains while working 50-60 hours a week and not being able to sleep much at night. I looked to drinks for some comfort and to help me sleep but honestly I miss how good I felt on day 18 of being sober last time. I felt like myself then and havenāt felt the same since. Thank you for the kind words. They are much appreciated.
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Thanks Nikki. I am currently on meds, in therapy, and sober. Iām doing all I know to do to tackle all of this. But as I said to my doc yesterday, there arenāt enough pills to fix my circumstances. Life is just so hard right now and it sucks. Thank you for your caring response to me. I need the support in this group. Grateful for you.
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I went one long stretch in 10 years before joining here and then joined here and went over 60 days but then I had so many relapses I almost gave up. I couldnāt seem to get past two or three days but now I am 15 days alcohol free and I feel much better! It was just before that I felt I was in the same place you are. I was so frustrated in an argument with my husband that I hit my head so hard on the side of the bath tub itvw bleeding. I felt so ridiculous.
You can do this though. You can get back on track. I donāt think we will ever be able to moderate alcoholā¦ In fact I know I wonāt because 10 years of trying has proven that.
Iām really sorry to hear about your back pain though I know that is so frustrating. I have not had major back pain but I have suffered from other chronic pain and it really can be debilitating.
I hope that thereās something you and your doctor can figure out without taking medication that makes you feel awful.
Do you do physio or any other exercises for your back? Do you know what the cause of the pain is from?
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Theyāve diagnosed me with degenerate disc disease and two herniated disc. Iāve done physical therapy, chiropractor, injections, tried multiple medicationsā¦ I think not getting good sober sleep probably doesnāt help. Never give my body time to heal properly.
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Have you looked into TMS? Its newer but super promising in the realm of resistant depression. (And possibly anxiety but that one hasnt been studied directly). My vague and brief understanding is that it uses magnets (not shock therapy!, personaly strongly against that treatment modality) to help stimulate the area of the brain thought to be deficient in neural activity. No personal experience with it but thought id mention it if you want to bring it up with ur dr to learn more.
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Iām so so sorry that youāre suffering. Iāve had a few instances in my life where the SI almost got me. Please hang in there. Everything in life is temporary. Change will come eventually. And trust me when I say that I KNOW that sounds stupid and hollow and just like words people say. Because when I was there thatās how it sounded to me. But I held on. And things did change. It took forever and I never thought Iād make it through. But I did by some miracle and things changed over time. My mantra was ātoday is a new day. It might not be better than yesterday but it will be differentā and even though they all feel the same and like things will be (and have been) terrible forever, itās an illusion. Thereās something different in everyday.
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Man. Seems like everyoneās having a hard time. Iām sorry the last few days have been crap and that youāre hurting. I really hope today treats you and your body a little better
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Day 22 for me. Checking in cause thatās what I do now 
Iām sorry to see so many people struggling. All my peaceful and comforting vibes headed your way. I know this doesnāt mean anything to anyone really but to me it means Iām thinking about yāall and youāre in my heart and Iām wishing the best things for you today. So I hope
You take it like that. 
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Day 76ā¦. The spiritual balance and guidance all the time is difficult. I find myself hypnotized. Have you ever been driving and suddenly realize you went past your destination? You wake up and correct your course. Thatās how I feel. I am praying and realizing God in all of my affairs and then in a split second Iām sleep walking into old behaviors. Not drinking, but frustration, resentment, impatience and being pushy. I, I, I, ā¦ā¦ Iām so tired of it. Tough to break the ego.
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