I’m glad you didn’t delete it Twizzle.
I’m listening. Or reading. I hear ya.
I’m glad you feel comfortable releasing this here. It always helps me when I do that.
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Heeeey Twizzle!
Thank you so much for sharing…
Sometimes this IS family!
A very special family, sharing similar problems!
Just spit it out. Don’t delete your post… It helps others to be open with difficulties too.
It will pass… And I am SO sure you will make it. Eat a little little bit… Relax a little tiny bit… Breath. It will pass. You are not alone! 
Can you make a plan to have a swim workout next days? 
You know it’s soo much better then any benzos.
Many powerful hugs 
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@Dazercat @Juli1
Thank your for your messages, it means alot and i do see this as family here all of us
I have put some little lights on and made the bed all cozy and warm and iv managed to talk myself into believing everything is okay so im feeling alot better and not so on edge now and it helped to write it out and know people care.
I am going to go for a swim tomorrow morning, your so right it was helping me manage so well and then my tooth happened a few weeks back leving me bed bound for a few days and iv not really picked myself back up since then with much. Thank you so much for reading and being here i feel almost like some of the weight is lifted off my shoulders just by sharing it.
I know the feelings are still there niggling at me in the background but i definitely feel like im somewhat back in the drivers seat, i am feeling better.
Thank you everyone who reads
I stopped taking the anxiety medication (benzo) that i would use in a crisis quite along time ago almost a year ago and it wasnt daily but i have a few in the cupboard for crisis moments but i found they made the anxiety come back stronger after a couple of hours and id need more. Iv found just trying to cope it eases and im ok after.
And i also forgot i could meditate- this usually beings me back from one of these moments.
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Sorry your feeling so bad. Anxiety and grief can feel almost crippling sometimes. I’m glad your here to share it and get it off your chest. Know that there are people who care, even if some of us are hundreds maybe thousands of miles apart. It will pass, hopefully quickly. Until then…
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Thank you so much
I do feel alot better, im going to meditate myself to sleep with a long 8 hour guided meditation with my eye mask headphones.
It does feel better to share it although i feel slightly embarrassed i do share when i feel like this. Thank you for your message and taking time to read mine too.
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Hey lady, where is this anxiety and emotional hurt coming from? What caused all this? Im glad u didnt delete the post and im glad u also ate alittle bit even tho u didnt feel like it. What normally helps when these emotions come up?
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I juat read that ur feeling slightly better. Im glad u are no need at all to be embarassed. This is all part of recovery and healing and this is how we work thru things. Id rather u post and spill everything than sit at home depressed and hurting with no one to talk to.
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I feel apart of me is missing and gone, empty inside and it just got a little bit too much for me this evening and i felt so overwhelmed.
Im feeling alot better now and cozy in bed, the feelings are always there really but i learnt to manage them but every now and then its like a big wave just knocks me over and it takes a sec to get back and up and run from the next one.
I am alot better right now thank you
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I understand… i really do. There are certain feelings and thoughts that are always with me too and most days i can sort of put them on the back burner, manage them
and not pay attention to them. Other days its like its full force and emotionally too much. Recovery is a journey thats for sure. Things that have happened to us thru the years effect us even more now that we are in recovery. But im proud of u that u havent turned to alcohol to try and “fix” them. It will be okay 
hugs!! Hope u get a good rest tonight
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Thank you so much funny enough my first instinct was to come here and share a check in, i didnt realise this until just reading you write this.
I feel super proud too that this is the first thing i thought of, all of us here together … its such a powerfull thing/energy because being here i also was able to get past this wave with the help and support from you all.
I hope your okay too x
Edit: i am off to bed now everyone, i wish all a good night or the rest of your day to be good and thank you again for helping me get through my moment of melting. 
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…1671. So, Ms. Monkey and I have been working out at a gym. I finally feel confident to jog a little on the treadmill.
We have had 2 different presidents, probably 3, since the last time I jogged.
As I started jogging…i started farting uncontrollably…
Stay sober friends!
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Checking in! Working on day 45 currently. Been a pretty good day- had a work meeting and then a training for a new part time job, and got to the gym.
My new keychain arrived today (it has “freedom” engraved on one side and my sober date on the other). It’s such a small thing but this is my final day 1, and I wanted something permanent to commemorate that.
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Evening of Day 2
This is when I struggle. I’ve always turned to alcohol to unwind after work and to get me through the evening. Trying to keep myself distracted. Went to bed at 7pm last night and probably not staying up much later tonight. It’s easier to hide out in bed. I did make an appointment with my psychiatrist to take about my meds. I see her Monday. Right now I guess I’m focused on surviving the day. I feel like crap.
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Im so glad you did send it. You are not alone. I dont have wonderful words of wisdom and comfort but i do care, and i did take the time to read your pain. I know there is nothing i can do or say to help except listen ( read ) and say you are valued and loved.
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Thank you very much Dana you’re so freaking nice 
The thing is that after I lost Corey I lost faith in what was once my higher power. I think the closest thing to a higher power for me now is being out in nature. It’s dangerous for me to think that I can put my troubles in something else’s hands and hope they can help me, they never have before and it’s not good for me to believe in that anymore for my own mental health. I spent years praying and studying a certain book only to find that in the end (just my experience) I’m alone and on my own. I appreciate you always caring about me and reaching out when I’m having a hard time. You truly are amazing and I’m grateful for you! 
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Awww we freaking love you @Twizzlers and I’m so glad that you share what’s going on with us!!! I do the same thing and it lessons the load for sure. Please keep letting it out and know that even though we are all so far away from each other we are right there with you as you sleep I’m so freaking proud of you!!!
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Thank you very much for that bro I really appreciate it very much! My weekend is here and I’m heading for the mountains first thing in the morning lol thanks again man
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Hey
Day 131
Day 15 no cigarettes
Not been checking in on the thread for a few days but back today feeling okay x
I finally recorded myself reading a story and sent it to my daughter. I was afraid to do it before but I got over that. Not had a response yet 
but hopefully she won’t think I’m weird. I read one called Pumpkin Soup as it’s that time of year.
I’ve missed a lot of posts but just read a few
@Twizzlers glad to read you’re feeling better now. This recovery is hard, there’s always bumps in the road but, like you say, we can come here for support We are lucky x
So pleased to still be smoke free. Been battling that for the last few weeks but feeling better now
And, happily, still sober.
Keep on keeping on x
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@Leveller I also used a structured timetable for time off. It was very helpful.
@KarenKW Same and same. Online is a great way to dip toes in. I kept camera and mike off for months. Then kept camera only off for months. In the end, AA really helped me.
@Rockstar24777 Stay strong friend!
@Eliza1 Great job!
@Lovelyoutlook I am glad you have realised that you don’t need alcohol. Speaking from my own experience, there are times when I can control it. The more I am sure I can control it, the more often I drink thinking I am in control, and then at some point I lose that control. Whether that would happen to you I don’t know. But glad you are just opting out early doors.
@Twizzlers Big cyber hugs . Feeling crappy and alone sucks. If you ever feel alone at night, remember it is daytime for me, and my pm box is open.
@Thirdmonkey I in the train! This is why I prefer doing yoga at home!
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