I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Grief is SOOOO hard and such a rollercoaster.
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I really appreciate you sharing that with me. I really do. Im sorry if I offended you or made you feel uncomfortable in any way from my post. Absolutely not my intention. I honestly dont blame you for not having a direct faith in something since your sons passing. I cant even imagine 
Nature tho is such an amazing way to connect to the earth and with ourselves. I love that it works for u and helps u to find maybe some peace within urself. Plus nature is just gorgeous and sooo perfect in its own way! Nothing beats it honestly 
How was ur day today at work? Hope it was better. Any plans for a hike later?
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Glad you kept it out there. This is where I come when I feel alone. 
Day 11 (or 12?)
Been feeling on edge all day long. Can pin it down to anything in particular. It was an average day at work. Maybe running out of meds. But I took my last at 6am so I should’nt have felt anything until now. Keep trying to go through my inner dialogue to see why I’m not happy now. Just started my job, and it’s going great. All the bill collectors are gonna wait till I get my check, and my friend Theresa call me from prison to say hi. Still fell squirrely and lonely. 
Maybe I should eat. I don’t know.
How’s everybody?
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Awwww Dana you didn’t upset me at all I promise!!! Awwww it’s ok but thank you!!! You are so SWEET!!! Yes I had a better day today but I’m glad that I’m off and at home now for sure 
And yes I’m planning on leaving first thing in the morning to attempt an 11 mile loop trail at Mount Laguna. I only made it halfway last week because I got lost so many times lol. I was exhausted and didn’t bring food or clothes just way to much water 
Thank you for being such an awesome friend to me I am soooo grateful for you!!!
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Evening Check in
Day 248
Potential TW related to food
Well im not really sure about today. Started out amazing with my workout and prayer!!! Then… slowly began to go downhill lol life is a funny thing 
Hubby was home today due to back pain and there were issues with the wifi and cable so he wasnt happy bcuz he couldnt watch his show. Had to deal with our wifi cmpny AGAIN (literally we are on our 5th wifi modem box in about 2 months!). Anyway, thankfully he was home to deal with this phone call. Ended up getting us like $150 off our bill yay!!! But the situation was tense and i hate tension.
Did grocery shopping which went well.
Washed some dishes. Picked up my son from school. Did his homework with him. Made supper. All that went well but im just sort of feeling right on the edge of irritable. Like im basically keeping it at bay lol
Health wise… I have been wanting to eat my stress away. And i havent allowed myself to do that. Its not healthy and its not the right reason to consume food. Soooo i think thats where my irritability is coming from. I have exercised and eaten well today. Good foods and proper amounts. No binging or overeating. But damn my mind thinks about food alot. Not even in a bad sense but just thoughts of food and health related stuff. Like… what is best for me to eat? When should I eat bcuz i dont need to eat so soon after I just ate? Am i listening to my body? Am i really hungry or am i wanting to eat out of emotions? Am I hungry or just thirsty for water? Am i eating my meal slowly and mindfully? Just alot of health thoughts are consuming my mind. Im tired of it honestly.
Recovery wise… I feel good! Was having thoughts about my 1 year coming up in like 3.5 months Lol haha oh my… ODAAT Dana. Was literally doing cardio this morning thinking about it haha I am excited but cant get too far ahead of myself. It will come in good time. Struggling I guess to keep my spiritual cup full. I feel like i do great 1 day and then lack the next. But im also human and i do my best
Anyway hope everyone has a great day/evening!
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Day 3 AF. Holding it together.
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Happy day three. Glad you’re here.
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Thanks. Feeling more than a little crazy but it’s still manageable. I will need to stay away from aggravating situations though. I don’t deal well with stress.
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Thank you, this means so much i can say its 5:30am and i have slept for 5 hours which is amazing to sleep throught the night and not be laying awake, and although its early im perfectly happy with this wake up time. I feel so much better today and i am so gratefull for you and to everyone who reached out to me it really helped take the panick and instant loneliness i couldnt even put it into words but it really helped to share and be supported thank you so much.
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I’m so sorry that I have to laugh bc of the farting, but I see you running by like “brrrt…brrrt…brrrt…brrrt” 
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@Misokatsu Congratulations on 800 days wow thats amazing and im so happy to be able to see you reach this milestone. (Thank you for your support yesterday, i appreciate it so much)
@Rockstar24777 Your support means so much to me, i appreciate you for that. Your hike at Laguna sounds like fun and also something to keep your mind and body active at the same time, be safe and have fun. Edit: Take some pics if you can 
@DryIn785 I hope your feeling better . Id say definitelydo eat even if you dont feel hungry that with a combination of reaching out helped me calm down quite quickly last night although i didnt feel like eating i did and it made a difference.
@Imcrafty Thank you for the hug and support i feel so lucky to be apart of this community.
@Butterflymoonwoman Thank you also for your support which you give to so many so often. Im glad your got your internet sorted out, my kids used to come out there rooms if the internet went down saying there moving out thats a funny memory for me. Internet didnt exist until i was about 13, kids in my generation all grew up learning to play the recorder and hopscotch .
@Hayleylujah Thank you for your kind words so glad i feel better today and managed to sleep too !! I think thats lovely you sent a mesage of you reading to your daughter its not weird at all, your a very creative person and its nice to read you doing things you enjoy and feeling like yourself
@Juli1 @Dazercat @Jasty2
Thank you all for your support last night i hope i havent missed anyone if i have apologies.
I am so gratefull for everyone for helping me last night and i am so glad today i am feeling myself again.
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Good morning everyone. @Twizzlers Ive been awake since 5.19 also and im happy I slept straight through also around 5 hours. Im off work so like you Im happy today. 
@Misokatsu well done on 800 days that is truly amazing. 
@nerd congrats on your 3 days. Same as me, lets make it 4.
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Day #58
I’m feeling rather refreshed this morning, despite a late finish at work last night. Albeit, I’ve booked a gym class for this morning, and I’m due to finish work at 6pm today, which considering some of the shifts I have been working, that’s an early finish 
Looking forward to having a few hours this evening just to relax and catch up on some much-needed series/TV!
I haven’t had the opportunity to get much exercise in since Saturday, some of the reasoning is purely out of my control, but I’d imagine that’s part of the reason why I’ve been feeling irritable recently. Hopefully a class this morning & Parkrun on Saturday coming will help relieve that. Other than that, I’ve been feeling good, clear-minded & positive.
Since my mindset towards alcohol has changed, I’ve not even wanted to go near a drop of the stuff. The sheer thought of it makes me want to be sick. If I’m out, and there are people in my company who are drinking, then that is fine, but I personally don’t want to touch the stuff. After all of the hardship and trouble it has gotten me into over the years, I’m best off without it. And I’m working hard to keep it that way.
This upcoming Monday will mark two months for me of sobriety. Merely a drop in the ocean to some here, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come, how I’ve improved as an individual & how much better I’m feeling and sleeping. I’m noticing my triggers, and I’m able to prevent these causes from happening now that I’m aware of what does & doesn’t work for me. Overall, I’m feeling good & looking forward to the future.
Have a fantastic day everybody - ODAAT!
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1230
Coffee. No work today but already the last meeting of my experiential expertise course coming up. I’ll miss it. Although I can do with the extra time off. My new group therapy won’t start for another month at least, and I got my vacation starting in ten days. Looking forward to that.
I’m a bit sore and stiff as yesterday morning I took a tumble from my bike riding to work. Work wasn’t the best after that. But I’ll live. I’m sober and clean. No need or desire to numb it. In the past it would have been yet another reason to get plastered. Never again.
Have as good a day as you can all. Make it clean and sober. It’s the reason we’re here. Love form my little square.
@Twizzlers Makes me glad to read the progression in your last posts. We’re in this together. Big hugs.
@KarenKW Hope you’re good friend. I’m glad you’re here.
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Thank you so much, i hope your not too hurt from your bike fall
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I think 2 months is absolutely fantastic. You are doing brilliantly. Carry on doing what you are doing, its working for you well done.
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Your square looks beautiful in that light Menno.
I hope you enjoy your day off mate and feel better after your fall. I was hoping to get out on mine today but it is pouring down here 
.
So i shall be lighting my fire putting my feet up and having a mess about with my camera. Its a shame just to let it sit and gather dust.
Where are you going on holiday this time?
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Its raining here too, just got heavier a real good excuse for me to just watch history documentaries all day
@AEGFletcher congratulations on your 2 months 
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We got rain coming up here too Col. Not going anywhere fast anyway today. As to my holiday destination, I don’t want to be too far from Luna as she has some serious health problems. I will be making a little trip to Texel, the nearest (to me) of the Dutch isles just to the north of the Dutch coast.
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