Went and picked up my 1 month chip today. Amazing how good it feels to receive this little token, not to mention how good life in general feels now. I’m not sure if there are any praying types on here but if so if you could send up a little prayer for my sober buddy Django, he just got his 1 year chip today too but is going through some legal troubles. Can’t go into much but I can tell it’s really wearing on him. He’s a great guy and he could definitely use some positive vibes and prayers. Thanks everyone on this site. Y’all have helped me tremendously. God bless all.
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proud of you!
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tonight will be day 234 of no self harm
I need to get back into checking in daily I’ve just been so tired after work. I start classes to get my early childhood development courses tomorrow. they start at 6:45 am:sob:
right now I’m ok. still loving work. the kids really seem to like me and I’ve had a few tell me they love me. I’m trying to teach them self love. I tell each kid I love them and that they are beautiful every day. they’re only 3 but you can never start too early. there’s one kid on his first day he told me I was his best friend. and there’s another girl who is very scared of everybody, there’s some signs of abuse but there’s nothing we can report at the moment. anyway, she’s only been there for a week and yesterday she gave me a kiss on the cheek. seeing her go from being terrified of me to her kissing me almost made me tear up.
my classes are going to be every Saturday for a month. after that I’ll have my licensing and then I will actually be the lead teacher for the three year olds. I’ve had several people tell me that I’m a very hard worker and that this is my calling. including my boss. it doesn’t even feel like work a lot of the time I don’t know how I got so lucky to find a job that doesn’t actually feel like work.
I tend to feel pretty bad mentally this time of year up until after Valentine’s Day. october is because I lost a friend close to halloween, the holidays are just depressing seeing everybody so happy, my sister’s birthday is in January and everybody seems to love her but hate me, and then Valentine’s Day is the anniversary of something traumatic. it’s a very rough time of year. I seem to be doing better the normal and I think that’s because of work.
something positive: I love Legos but they were too expensive when I was a kid and with my first paycheck I got a 6,000 piece Lego set. it’s the Hogwarts Castle. I am so excited it should be here sometime next week.
something funny: I was having the kids in my class tell me something that they loved about themselves today. I asked a kid “what do you love about yourself?” he told me “asparagus”
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Evening Check In
Day 250
Lasr check in today… i promise. Feeling not great honestly. I had a good little cry. Like i said earlier im not afraid of my emotions causing me to relapse while off meds but i am scared to feel intense emotion. Its already been affecting me bcuz ive been taking 1/2 of what Im actually supposed to be at to help me have at least some medication in my system instead of nothing. Now that I cant refill my meds (which i didnt know about until today), i have no choice to be med-less for a bit and then i have to hope that my old med works. Im scared to feel intense emotion. Im scared to have start over with my meds. Im scared of taking my stress out onto people when ive been working so hard to build relationships. I shouldnt be predicting this bcuz maybe it wont be like this. But ill have to pull out what ive learned and rely on my relationship with my HP to get me thru.
Anyway gotta get ready for work tmrw. Hugs TS fam!
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Oh man, that sounds awful. Unplanned medication tapers can be the worst. I hope it works out okay, and I hope tomorrow goes a little smoother.
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Currently on the road at a cousin’s wedding. Stayed away from the booze at the rehearsal dinner tonight, but guys, I am completely uncomfortable socializing sober. I never learned how to do it. I just stick out like a big awkward turtle. It’s something I am going to have to learn how to do because I never did it before. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Day 497 here.
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Thank you i appreciate u commenting. I honestly could be making this a much bigger deal than it really is. Like im predicting what is going to happen and that very well might not come true. Just will do my best and pray that i can see my dr asap. Or maybe even any dr that can look back thru my file and prescribe them for me again. Idk i will have to just wait until monday 
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Not trying to overstep, but maybe one of these programs could help ( if you’re in the US)
Sending hugs your way
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I appreociate you and youre not overstepping at all! i live in canada and i do have benefits (i just ended up maxing them out for the year much sooner than expected). I cant pay for them as is, withour coverage, so am having to look at other options. But this all happened so fast so am sort of scrambling so that i am not without some medication for too too long. Thank u tho for ur help! How are you doing? 
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I have been there before (maxing out benefits) and it’s very stressful. I hope your Dr. Can work something out for you quickly.
How thoughtful of you to ask how I am!!
Well I’m a person with more than a handful of psych diagnosis who isn’t medicated and also newly sober. So I’m all over the place honestly 
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Hang in there, dear friend. This too shall pass.
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Hello world, almost 5am here and still too dark to go out with the dogs. Waiting for sun up and hoping the the rain holds off.
Its great waking up sober and being really ready to not just get through the day but enjoy getting through the day.
I have so many things to do and being sober is the ONLY way I can get them done.
@Butterflymoonwoman Im sorry your not going through the best of times at the minute Dana. Ive been fortunate enough to never have needed long term medication, I can only imagine what you are going through and do send my best wishes to you 
@icebear your nearly at 500 days Drew, Im certainly not going to tell you how to deal with social events sober, thats great work your doing 
I will be thinking of all of you that are struggling today and wish you all well while im on my walk.
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Day 5 AF. Morning checkin. I won’t drink today. ODAAT.
Went for another AA meeting yesterday. The regulars are advising me to get a sponsor. Isn’t it too early? I don’t feel comfortable with the idea.
Was craving a lot, so went walking. Clocked 12.5 Km (7.8 miles) throughout the day. Slept well after that.
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Probably a stupid question, but what does ODAAT mean?
One day at a time 
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Ohh makes sense. I never would have guessed though. I’m not exactly to “days” at a time yet, one day I’ll get there. But for now ill take things OMAAT 
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Sending solidarity & support for your situation right now 
i can only imagine how that’s feeling for you, i really hope it can get resolved!!
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Hey one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Whatever works!
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Day 230
A day.
Hectic morning then I painted 2 ceilings and cut in a wall. I worked fast and was insecure. Im going to deal with the rest tomorrow. But the ceilings look smooth.
Insomnia is horrible. Didnt have melatonin. Now i will set my alarm for 730 and hope for the best.
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Day #60
60 full days of sobriety for me today. It’s been an up-and-down experience thus far, but I’m getting there slowly, albeit one day at a time. That’s all I can do.
Had a pretty rough night last night, and if I’m honest, it’s probably the closest I’ve come to having a drink since I decided that I wanted to turn my life around & live a life of sobriety. My ex, who I lived with & spent two amazing years with (who’s also a teacher for the context of the story) went out with friends for drinks last night to celebrate half-term. Ultimately, my drinking was part of the reason why she ended up leaving me. I then had to pack my things & move 300 miles back to my hometown. Anyhow, we still speak & keep in touch; our break-up hasn’t stopped us from communicating.
She isn’t a big drinker & is extremely reasonable, but I can’t help but worry at times. She’s her own person, but I still miss her a heck of a lot. I think part of me hopes that if I stay in communication & remain friends, that she’ll change her mind & we’ll end up back together, but that isn’t the case in truth; she’s already made her mind up. And it hurts; I probably hate myself for it.
All I wanted to do last night (knowing there was alcohol downstairs as I currently live with a member of family who is the occasional drinker) was to head down & just consume the lot. Even if I ended up flat-up passing out (which has happened in the past after drinking too much). I just wanted my self-loathing and hurt to stop; maybe temporary, or maybe forever.
But I didn’t. I didn’t go downstairs & I didn’t drink. Despite that voice in my said saying: “Do it”; I resisted. And today I’m 60 days sober.
I know that some days will be more difficult to contend with than others. I know this journey isn’t easy. But various instances in my life that have tried to bring me down have all failed in the past - I am still here, and I am still breathing!
Thank goodness I can get back to local meetings from this Wednesday coming, at least for a week or two. Work commitments have restricted me from being able to go for a month or so. Although I need to work, my sobriety is also important to me, and realistically, more important than a job that is only a short-term solution until other plans I have come into fruition. I feel like I’ve been venturing slightly wayward recently, but I’m sober, and I’ve not went back on the promise that I made to myself to give up.
Have a great day everybody. ODAAT.
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