Having thoughts about relapsing…
Both on alcohol and toxic on.off
codependent relationship!
Hard criticism about myself in my head.
Thought would really be over that!
I think I want to hurt myself with above mentioned behaviors…
I won’t…
This night won’t be easy.
Where does this fucking come from 
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Day 209. Moving right along. Ive been waiting all day for it to rain.
Another day. Id rather have tried than not. I cleaned the litter box and boiled beans. The food i made was good in theory but something about it made my stomach sick. I wish I didnt exist.
Im going to get up in a few minutes and set the timer to maintain my room. I went through my watercolors I did this summer and idek how I did this many. I was obsessed with painting lines.
Im tired. Im so tired. I dont want to clean the kitchen.
But i did anyway. Maybe I will try to turn my brain off and focus on cleaning then making art. I can finish a painting and hang it outside my room. Im putting stuff up in my room. I put an absolutely lovely painting up that i traded with someone.
I put 2 of my paintings in frames and put up another one.
Im going to the cafe tomorrow. Nap tonight.
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It comes from the addictive personality in our head. I know I’m definitely my own worst critic. We see and feel things about ourselves that other people don’t see, because they’re really not there to begin with. Which is why we use Alcohol, Drugs, Sex whatever, as a coping mechanism. Just try to remember it really is all in your head. I’m glad you already made up your mind that you won’t do something you’ll regret big time later. I know it’s hard but you know these feelings will eventually pass as long as you don’t act on them. 
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Thanks for all the love today 
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Congrats on one year @RosaCanDo well done!! You should be super proud.
@Benwa10 congrats on 2 weeks, the firsts weeks are super tough. Your doing an amazing job.
Same to @Kdog 30 days is such a great achievement. Early sobriety is not easy and you are killing it. Martial arts is an awesome outlet, I used to practice karate years back and it was so great for making friends and keeping disciplined.
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Dont do it @Juli1 keep adding panda gifs to that other thread all night if you have to 
we are here for you.
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Good for you. 
Congrats on your 30 days
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Day 109 af
On vacation day 2. Been really good 
only 1 trigger so far yesterday and I just walked away
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This is amazing!! Congratulations 
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Woooohoooooo!
Congrats on your 1 year!!!
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Redo
Deleted my earlier check in bc therapy
Realizing I’ve been coming in a little too hot and bringing negative energy; I’m really sorry and I’ll curb it a lot. I’m sorry about that, this thread isn’t my personal sounding board.
I love it here and appreciate you all, really. I hit a low point for almost a few weeks but just made some great personal protection plans and reviewed what I’m doing (or missing the mark on) for helping myself. I’m still a baby in this process and it’s gotta be a slow and steady. A house built in a rush without precision and care can’t stand the storms.
Take care everyone, thanks again for putting up with me.
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@RosaCanDo and @Twizzlers
Huge congratulations on one year!! Enjoy the good feelings that come with this day and this achievement. And if you dont feel exactly as you thought or there are triggers thats ok as well.
This sentiment also applies to everyone else with a milestone today/around now/all the time. Glad this place celebrates them.
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Congratulations Twizzle. 
I’m so excited and proud of you. You’ve been such a great part of the support system that we all need on here. Your constant compassion and empathy for everyone is something very special. You are a gift to all of us on TS. I’m just so dang happy for ya!!!
Thank you for being on my sober journey.
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@Dazercat congrats 1000 days, you are amazing!
@Twizzlers congrats on the 1 year!
Thank you both for sharing your wisdom, experience srength, add hope on this platform.
Day 157 here. Just had a root canal redone so i am lounging in bed watching baseball for the evening. Have a good night everyone!
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We are the lucky ones! I hope you, Polly and the cat gang are having a special treat, you deserve it!!
I was unable to find a gif to say how I feel, so you get 4. One for each quarter of the year.
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And of course you deserve a standing ovation. Did I ever tell you people confuse me for JayLo?
If I did, I was lying. 
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@Dazercat happy 1000 days! 4 digit sobriety numbers are such an achievement and you’re definitely a cornerstone member here, you’re always so encouraging others and giving great insight. Here’s to another 1000 days!
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Thank you Marianna 
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Well heading to bed, I’ll have 4 months when I wake up. That’s pretty exciting, it feels good. Im very proud of myself much love
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