35 days. What if the real reason for sobriety was not for me or my health, but for some desired outcome which has now been lost? How do you motivate yourself to keep going when your original reason has disappeared?
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Day 201
Idk how i feel today
I did stretch
Stretching is triggering but also vital
I feel better for having done it but also like i need to do it more. And also I feel strange.
Done with work for today. Itll be the weekend soon. Ill get things done. Yet im not ok.
Ill eat and wash and clean and do the things i need to do today. Ill feel a little better if Friday im up early and getting things done.
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Day 62 free from alcohol
Day 43 clean from toxic relationship and working on not starting another is ongoing
Short late-night checkinâŚ
Had a very busy dayâŚ
Car workshop (the brakes are due)
Dermatologist
Home office (daily business and few meetings)
Dentist
Strength workout
Swim workout âŚ
And with all that, morning meditation and writing routine, a nap in the afternoon
and taking good care of regular eating.
Had a little potion Soya Skyr with banana for breakfast, very yummy Sushi I brought from the city for lunch, a vegan sugar free protein bar before sports and a low carb pizza style Omlette for late dinner.
Woooooow⌠Not bad 
Afterall, I have thoughts about drinking sometimes during the last days. It is not a craving but itâs that⌠Haha why not having a bit of fun - thing. Silly shit.
Sending nice wishes for the night (whenever it comes in your part of the world)⌠
Take care and stay sober 
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Was feeling pretty good earlier today but now I feel like crawling out of my skin and pulling all my hair out. 
This is about the time I used to fail and would say F it and go back to drinking. Hopefully will pass soon. I will not drink today!!
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They need to make the bags bigger bro haha. Every single time though, shitty way to start a day. Have fun out there man!
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Your body is trying to get back to original settings, lol
Push through it. 
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Sometimes it is just plain old too late when we find recovery for different things we want and value. We find out just how much it meant as it slips away. However if you drop your sobriety you are basically slamming the door shut on any future you hope for. Continue this path. Perhaps as you gain more clarity you will find out that life gives you the opportunity of an even better outcome than you could have imagined.
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I know how you feel. Iâm having that same kind of day today with my quitting smoking. I saw a half a smoke in the ashtray out back. My mind wouldnât shut the hell up so I told my grandson to go get rid of it for me. I hope your day gets better hun.
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Tonight will be day 205 of no self harm
I officially quit my job today. Itâs 50° but thereâs no sun out and itâs super cloudy because it just rained so itâs really cold and these kids are shivering literally shivering and she wanted me to keep them outside. I tried to suggest we go inside and give ideas but she said no. The kids were crying. It was heated but I walked out with dignity. Didnât cry till I was out of the building lol. Now sheâs trying to screw me over saying I owe her $425 for the licensing I never did. Iâm contacting the licensing people to verify if she actually paid and/or to get a refund.
I contacted the new daycare I was hired at (was supposed to start October 6th) and now theyâre starting me tomorrow! I went to a meeting last night and they are so kind and well put together. And I got paid, the last center refused to pay us for meetings which was definitely illegal
Also wanted to thank @Twizzlers for all the kind words. I have a hard time recognizing progress in myself so it truly means a lot when other people can see it. And Iâve never heard any version of âIâm proud of youâ from my family so hearing it is awesome
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You are an amazing young lady
Your handling this situation well, i think your brilliant and i mean that so much xx 
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Day 101 alcohol free
Tomorrow is friday and im stoked. I havent had a weekend in a 5 weeks⌠lol I had labor day off though by the grace of God!!! Cant wait to chill for 2 solid days.
Hope everone is having a great week. Keep getting better together!
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Instead of failing and having a drink after feeling anxious af, I decided to run a couple miles in the 97 degree heat. Now I have zero urge for a drink and almost all my anxiety is sweated out.
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Another sober day
Again I made a dollar
Mowed a lawn to play
Makes me want to holler
Grateful yip and yeay
It doesnt hurt to follow
Clear eyed folk who say
Staying clean ainât hollow
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Day 468. Yikes am I behind. Feeling a bit under the weather tonight. So far COVID tests are negative. The kids are back in school, so they are little petri dishes. Oh well, part of life. Glad to be sober through it. In bed early tonight. Have a good night/day wherever you are.
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Omg going outta town for a wedding tmrw am and dropped Boscoe off at the sitter just now. He looked so scared and confused and kept trying to go back to the car. I cried all the way home 
he will be fine. I will be fine. Just broke my heart a bit.
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I KNOW!!
I hate dropping them off. Itâs definitely worse on us than it is on them. Hopefully they will send you pics of your son 
.
Keep us in your pocket for the wedding if you need us. And have some sober fun.
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Thanks @Dazercat its hard lol. Im a little nervous about the wedding but i have a plan and will definitely update you on my night. Just realized that i havent danced sober yet (in public) haha should be a good time. Im sneaking in some sparkling waters
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Evening Check in
Day 220
I feel kind of bad honestly. I havent been participating alot on TS. I have been reading but not sitting down and responding to many posts. I come on here basically to check in, comment, congratulate etc thats it. I would like to get back into being more involved on here. I really enjoy the conversation with others.
Recovery wise⌠im well. I had a few moments in my day today that really made me grateful to be clean. I had an unexpected request for money from a woman i havent heard from in ages! Literally⌠she asked for $40 via etransfer. Last i heard from her she was asking for money to buy baby formula for her baby, yet on fb she was selling huge cans of formula, toys, clothes at the same time⌠sooo 
Anyway, i blocked the request. Kind of threw me off but it made me sooo grateful to be where i am today.
Health wise⌠I did a lower body workout this morning but my diet went out the window today. I ate very light for lunch but had a very calorie heavy supper that threw me past my alotted calories for the day. I did stop eating when full and did not overeat. So thats good! My all or nothing thinking seems to be balancing out more.
All n all today was okay! Grateful as always. Excited for me and my families future. Really enjoying life these days 
Hugs TS fam
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1203
Coffee. Woke up too early. Never mind. Will make something of my extra day off which I got because of the aggression incident last week. Made an appointment for EMDR to try and help deal with the mental consequences of it. Not today alas. Going to have some self care instead, do a spinning class later 
, have some good food 
, a walk downtown maybe 
. Pet Luna 
.
My day will be sober and clean for sure. Just like I hope and except from all of you. Itâs why weâre here. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdam.
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