If i can suggest something about the AA mtgs. I have been attending online 12 step mtgs thru the free Intherooms app. I cant really attend inperson (altho inperson mtgs truly does have its benefits versus online). I like the online ones bcuz i dont have to show my face and i dont have to share. There is the option to share but the only video that is shown on the screen is the person talking and the chair person. I like to go on to listen alot and to get my mind on recovery. If ur having a hard time this weekend and feel up to it, download the app and check it out. There are many mtgs at various hours from people all over. Its pretty cool. Just an idea 
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Congratulations on 3 weeks!!! Way to go
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Evening Check In
Day 234
Im definitely excited for a hot shower and sleep. Just winding down now and putting my boy to bed. Overall today was good. As much as Im trying to stay positive and am trying to maybe learn something about having literally no voice, it freakin sucks. Im tired of it. Im struggling with this lol but i have no choice to deal with this.
Recovery wiseā¦ im okay 
Nothing to say here really.
Health wiseā¦ i am planning to start working out again on monday. I think by then i should be well enough to exert myself. Get back on track with my eating also and just get goal oriented again. This has really thrown me off. But ill manage.
Hope everyone is having a good day/night.
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Hard day, hard week, hard on myself. Im working on letting go. First with the desires to drink (this time of year is always hard for me, idk why) then everything else causing me stress. My mistakes and ambitions. Like passed learning from work errors i beat myself up a lot when im wrong. Beyond taking classes i put a timeclock of my whole day, week, month overhead of me and cook in the pressure. Gotta let things go, not stop learning or working, but have those things be independent of me maybe so they cant push or pull meā¦ Idk, at least im sober.
At least on this path i get to choose.
Take care everyone. Have a good night
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Hi Mike, all my respect to you. Followed your journey a bit from the side line. Can imagine how you feel about this. I started relatively fast with working after some of my treatments. It never worked out really fine. also sometimes at new employers. That never gave room for reintegration with a few hours and then more. Currently Iām about 5 months at home dealing with underlying issues of my addiction (while being 657 days sober). Iāll start next week with ājustā 2 times 2 hours and they are aware that I might drop out again if some things are addressed. So from my experience the therapists are right. In such situation I remind myself of:
āEveryting you put in front of your recovery youāll loose eventuallyā
This came through in so many ways in the past in a lot of areas, also work. Itās flattering to receive a job offer and of course be able to be with your girls. Also the addictive mind liked to tell me: hey they want you for a job so thereās no problem anymore youāre ok. Not even thinking about whether I liked the job etc.
If itās not time yet it is not time yet. Enjoy the trust and self-esteem such an offer gives you.
Just my thoughts and experience on this, hope you choose wisely.
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1217
Coffee. Start of a long workweek. Iām OK. EMDR was, hm, interesting. Did sort of a light version, we talked first, and I felt quite a lot of resistance against it. I did feel something happening inside, but will find out if it helped any in the coming days.
It was a pretty exhausting experience and I skipped my experiential expertise class after. Did a short tour of Rijksmuseum instead, the current special exhibition called Creepers especially. This 1505 drawing by DĆ¼rer of a stag beetle always has been a favourite of mine.
Have as good a day as you can all friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from Amsterdam.
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Day 1 since my last screw up. Another day 1 to add to the countless other day 1ās Iāve had over the years.
But thatās something Iāve grown used to by now.
Thanks to those who offered advice and words of encouragement. Kinda weird to experience that since Iāve mostly kept to myself about this struggle Iām having but itās nice all the same
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Weāre in this together and you are part of this. We need you as much as you need us to succeed. Weāve got each other. Letās do this. Go Bear.
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Good evening all. Checking in on day 412. Background check for my state credentials is cleared so just awaiting my start date. Very excited to start a new career and one that aligns with my school and what I want to do. Home life is still very rocky and probably not the best time for a career change, especially when Iām starting on overnights, but a lot of fights are about not having enough in savings so more hours means more money. Maybe that will ease her anxiety and lessen the fights. Benefits will also be a great help for prescription relief! Hope everyone is doing good and stay safe.
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Day 355 AF
Whatās good, fam.
Catching up on this thread.
Nothing new here. Staying busy with work and the kiddos.
Have a good day/night everyone!
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21 sober and 20 days smoke free 
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In the very early days of recovery getting phyiscal helped me, I often share about how meditation used to look for meā¦ It was me mindfully rage throwing wood in our back 40. Changing body temperature helps me, hot or cold shower depending on how I am feeling. And then there is the one that works no matter whatā¦ just getting out and sitting in nature. I started talking to the trees and the ocean telling them how fucked up I felt, they are great listeners.
The thing that got me through was when people told me I was right were I was meant to be. That we all are a bunch of emotional messes in early recovery. " It mellows out." that was what I held on to and it has. I am grateful today that I can feel emotions, they are beautiful, they dont scare me anymore.
Youre doing a great job, just take it minute by minute if you have to and know it wont be like this forever.
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The addiction specialist that I see said, āYou are considered early recovery until after 5 years.ā 5 yearsā¦
I think your counselors have a lot of experience and have seen a lot of guys make the wrong choice and die. My vote is for you to stay safe for as long as you can. Those girls are only going to benefit from you getting healthier. 
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So after long break Iām back. Been using all the time as usual. To be honest reason I am here again is that my drinking habits drastically changed last few months. I think I reached new stage of drinking and that really scared me now. Probably my drinking habits was not so severe before and I did not took it seriously enough. Reaching this point now encouraging me to rethink and rebuild my sobriety road. I really donāt want to see what next stage is and I am 100% sure I donāt want to experience that.
Day 1
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Day 381 checking in hope everyone is well 
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Day 6 Check in, I slept 10 hours last night. The belly is doing better, Iāll have chicken soup all day long and take my medicine.
Right now the thought about having alcohol again makes me feel sick. I want to keep that feeling.
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Sassy has some great reflections on that exact feeling here:
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Thank you! 
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Checking in 191 days 
So Iāve had a pretty dreadful week with my sleep. Insomnia kinda steamrolls me from time to time, and today the no sleep caught up with me so hard. I cried at work on my lunch break, everything was super overwhelming. My boss has been trying to assert more dominance and has been riding me a little lately, and today I just got really upset about it cause I was so tired. I ended up having to leave early because my daughter was unwell and I had to pick her up from vacation care. So that kind of saved me.
I had my interview in the city for the government role I applied for this week. And it really opened my eyes, itās going to be such a massive change. The work is going to require a huge shift and will be quite a challenge. I can feel I will be really out of my comfort zone, but will be terrific for me if I can stick with it and learn. I did not do amazing in the interview, I was quite embarrassed by how nervous I got, but I was told I progressed in the hiring process, and they would be checking my references. I think I will get it.
I felt out of my depths in the city. The building Iāll be working in is very nice, I felt like I wasnāt good enough to work there, that I didnāt belong. But I have the desire to learn and grow as a person, I want to be proud of myself.
Sobriety is giving me all the opportunity in life I deserve again 
very grateful. Thanks for listening.
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Thanks everyone, up and at it early today. Much love. Appreciate all the love from yāall
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