Twe dont deal wirh hurricanes ever whete i live. The odd tornado but I personally have nevwr been clase one. I really hope u all stay safe 
I cant imagine how scary that must be 
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Wondering how @Misokatsu is getting along? Think the last i read a severe typhoon was heading her way hoping all is ok fingers crossed 
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Itās good that you are OK to be alone with yourself! Normally an alcoholic, who is alone, is not in good company. 
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Thank you for your empathy!
The vet gave us medicine for detoxification and stomach problems, but she didnāt stop retching. So, we had to take her to the ER at midnight. She is totally fine now and drives us mad.
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Checking in sober and hangover/poison free as I am walking on the treadmill blowing off some energy. Then shower, dinner, moviesā¦ odaat booze free 
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I was a bartender for most of my yound adult life and decided to get the tattoo āFWM$ā which stands for"F*ck weekend make money" on my arm. Now that Iāve gotten out of the service industry I guess I cursed myself because I work in the water industry and work most weekends and quite often 7 days a week. 
Oops.
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Day 105 
Bit embarrassed by my meltdown the other day. Thanks for all the support. It really helps. Iām getting help which Iāve been asking for for nearly six months. Maybe things will turn out ok now. Here to fight another day.
Keep on keeping on x
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Donāt be embarrassed. I would be surprised if very many people here couldnāt relate to how you were feeling. I think a lot of us have been there. Iām delighted youāre getting the help you want.
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Nothing to be embarrassed about @Hayleylujah . Like @Imcrafty says Im really plessed your getting the help you deserve.
After 9pm on a friday this is about the time id be thinking about making my way home from the pub. Usually had 12+ pints and whatever else. Blackout? Of course, daily. Be embarrassed? Of course daily.
Ive been doing online S.M.A.R.T meetings this week and they are really helping me. Like here, they make me feel less isolated and more included.
I feel that through the meetings I have took a giant leap forward as far as my recovery (or as @Mno sometimes says discovery ) in concerned.
goodnight everone.
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Iām just glad to see you here and read youāre OK. If you finally are getting the help youāve been waiting for something good will have come of it too. Although itās sad it needed something like this to materialise. Take care X
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Thanks for thinking if me 
. Our area was fine, pretty windy and rainy, but no damage. The funny thing was our cat jumping like hell at all the bangs and whistles outside 
.
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Sorry I havenāt caught up on this thread today. I feel like my mind is going to explode. So much stress with my 16 year old today. Iām totally keeping my cool on the outside but Iām a bubbling volcano. She goes to work soonā¦ Then Im going to help my grandmother at dinner time. When I get home, itās going to take serious control not to drink. But I know it wonāt help. Iām just really struggling to get through today.
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Checking in
Day 221
Today has been a beautiful autumn day. Had moments of irritability tho. Feeling exhausted too. Needing self care. I didnt exercise this morning bcuz I was too tired. Everything is annoying me today. Even me having to fix my damn spelling mistakes on here are annoying me 
My son stayed home from school today bcuz its parent/teacher conference day. My sons mtg went super well! Happy about that 
No issues at all. I gave him a bath. We had lunch. I took him for a wagon walk thru the park behind our home. It was nice but i was hoping for more fall colored leaves. Oh well. Not a huge issue. Will gp back there again soon.
Get home and find out my sister friend (the one who started back up into prostitution recently) got attacked in her home from a John. She involved the police after he left and they did nothing. Im not even getting into this right now bcuz my opinions on this are all over the place. Anger towards her, rowards the man and the police. I told her that this was a sign that she should not have re-entered into the trade after a year of being exited. If I had to look backā¦ the one thing i wish i wouldve listened to was the āsignā to exit the trade, that was given to me when i turned my very 1st trick. He drugged me that night in his home and that should have been enough for me to say, āOkay, maybe this isnt worth it?ā. But noooo, i didnt listen. Learned real quick tho what to do and what not to do in the future. Grateful i left that life behind 8 years ago and never returned. Just wish she would listen to this event and stop before she ends up missing or dead. She literally had no good reason to return to it either. She had a good job, was off social assistance, clean n sober, doing so well and then this. Im quite mad actually for a number of reasons. But i am not living her life for her. Shes a grown woman and she knows what shes doing. I just hope that she sees the light before its too late.
Anywayā¦ i need some serious self care. Im feeling impatient and annoyed. And instead of transferring those feelings onto others who dont deserve it, i need to just work thru this. Slow down. Deep breathe. Relax my shoulders. Smell some lavender. Stretch. Get some quiet time in. Remember HALT. Just take care of me for 1 second. Writing this helped.
Hope everyone is doing okay today!
Hugs!!
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Iām sorry today has been so hard. You can do it. You can not drink tonight! I believe in you.
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Day 84 AF Check in
Had a great therapy appointment today. Weāve decided to start processing my dadās suicide week after next with EMDR. Iām feeling good about getting this started before the holidays. November and December are difficult for me and I always numb myself to the extreme.
Iāve been spending a little more time than usual with a friend of 15 years. Over the past several months, Iāve noticed that she makes a point to make me feel a little less than and left out of some things. She has been like a sister to my boyfriend for over 25 years and regularly brings up how close she is to some of his family (some I havenāt met yet). Iām trying to not let it bother me, but it does. Markās response is typically āshe doesnāt mean it like thatā or āthatās just how Juli is.ā But I know her very well and can see exactly what sheās doing. I already feel a bit insecure in groups of friends and am still dealing with the shame I have. This just doesnāt make it any easier.
Sorry for the ramblings. Just needed to get it out I guess. Iām not drinking today. So thatās a score for me!
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Day 139, checking in.
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@Mno
@Miranda
@Its_me_Stella
@Twizzlers
Thank you for your replies. It means a lot . Yeah, I feel like Iām rushing things. I just gotta be patient with it. Iām still adjusting to this new sober life. All I know is that I canāt go back to those dark times.
Day 342 AF
I got my annual review yesterday and a pretty good raise. Much needed. Gonna have a date night with my wife tomorrow. Itās been a minute. My mom is babysitting the kiddos. I love my kids to death, but sometimes we need a lil breather. My friendās death anniversary is this Sunday. He passed away a few years ago. I relapsed at 6 months after I heard the news. I would get super wasted on his death anniversary. I know itās not gonna happen this time. Time really does heal. I gotta understand that death is a part of life. Iām glad I got to meet him and create memories with him.
Iām still behind on some posts, but I will take the time to catch up tonight.
I hope everyone has a great day! Take care and stay safe.
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I had some major anxiety this afternoon. Very intense chest pain and extreme worry. I am off my medication (Benzodiazepines), so that I can get stronger and not mask my feelings. The medication masked the feeling and I never was able to ādealā with the pain. Now Iām facing the pain head on. I had to call my Mom for support as I didnāt want to ābugā my wife. My wife has had to deal with me for years. She needs a break.
Iām ok, but I feel like I have gained weight. I feel bad about myself. I pray that my furniture arrives this weekend. Iām still in a state of flux.
I just want to scream! Awwww!!!
Iām going to do a meditation and gratitude prayer. I need positive energy in my life.
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Hello friends, checking in on day 469. Still tired with body aches. Going to bed early tonight. Hope everyone is doing well.
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