It’s good that you are OK to be alone with yourself! Normally an alcoholic, who is alone, is not in good company. 
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Thank you for your empathy!
The vet gave us medicine for detoxification and stomach problems, but she didn’t stop retching. So, we had to take her to the ER at midnight. She is totally fine now and drives us mad.
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Checking in sober and hangover/poison free as I am walking on the treadmill blowing off some energy. Then shower, dinner, movies… odaat booze free 
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I was a bartender for most of my yound adult life and decided to get the tattoo “FWM$” which stands for"F*ck weekend make money" on my arm. Now that I’ve gotten out of the service industry I guess I cursed myself because I work in the water industry and work most weekends and quite often 7 days a week. 
Oops.
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Day 105 
Bit embarrassed by my meltdown the other day. Thanks for all the support. It really helps. I’m getting help which I’ve been asking for for nearly six months. Maybe things will turn out ok now. Here to fight another day.
Keep on keeping on x
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Don’t be embarrassed. I would be surprised if very many people here couldn’t relate to how you were feeling. I think a lot of us have been there. I’m delighted you’re getting the help you want.
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Nothing to be embarrassed about @Hayleylujah . Like @Imcrafty says Im really plessed your getting the help you deserve.
After 9pm on a friday this is about the time id be thinking about making my way home from the pub. Usually had 12+ pints and whatever else. Blackout? Of course, daily. Be embarrassed? Of course daily.
Ive been doing online S.M.A.R.T meetings this week and they are really helping me. Like here, they make me feel less isolated and more included.
I feel that through the meetings I have took a giant leap forward as far as my recovery (or as @Mno sometimes says discovery ) in concerned.
goodnight everone.
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I’m just glad to see you here and read you’re OK. If you finally are getting the help you’ve been waiting for something good will have come of it too. Although it’s sad it needed something like this to materialise. Take care X
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Thanks for thinking if me 
. Our area was fine, pretty windy and rainy, but no damage. The funny thing was our cat jumping like hell at all the bangs and whistles outside 
.
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Sorry I haven’t caught up on this thread today. I feel like my mind is going to explode. So much stress with my 16 year old today. I’m totally keeping my cool on the outside but I’m a bubbling volcano. She goes to work soon… Then Im going to help my grandmother at dinner time. When I get home, it’s going to take serious control not to drink. But I know it won’t help. I’m just really struggling to get through today.
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Checking in
Day 221
Today has been a beautiful autumn day. Had moments of irritability tho. Feeling exhausted too. Needing self care. I didnt exercise this morning bcuz I was too tired. Everything is annoying me today. Even me having to fix my damn spelling mistakes on here are annoying me 
My son stayed home from school today bcuz its parent/teacher conference day. My sons mtg went super well! Happy about that 
No issues at all. I gave him a bath. We had lunch. I took him for a wagon walk thru the park behind our home. It was nice but i was hoping for more fall colored leaves. Oh well. Not a huge issue. Will gp back there again soon.
Get home and find out my sister friend (the one who started back up into prostitution recently) got attacked in her home from a John. She involved the police after he left and they did nothing. Im not even getting into this right now bcuz my opinions on this are all over the place. Anger towards her, rowards the man and the police. I told her that this was a sign that she should not have re-entered into the trade after a year of being exited. If I had to look back… the one thing i wish i wouldve listened to was the “sign” to exit the trade, that was given to me when i turned my very 1st trick. He drugged me that night in his home and that should have been enough for me to say, “Okay, maybe this isnt worth it?”. But noooo, i didnt listen. Learned real quick tho what to do and what not to do in the future. Grateful i left that life behind 8 years ago and never returned. Just wish she would listen to this event and stop before she ends up missing or dead. She literally had no good reason to return to it either. She had a good job, was off social assistance, clean n sober, doing so well and then this. Im quite mad actually for a number of reasons. But i am not living her life for her. Shes a grown woman and she knows what shes doing. I just hope that she sees the light before its too late.
Anyway… i need some serious self care. Im feeling impatient and annoyed. And instead of transferring those feelings onto others who dont deserve it, i need to just work thru this. Slow down. Deep breathe. Relax my shoulders. Smell some lavender. Stretch. Get some quiet time in. Remember HALT. Just take care of me for 1 second. Writing this helped.
Hope everyone is doing okay today!
Hugs!!
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I’m sorry today has been so hard. You can do it. You can not drink tonight! I believe in you.
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Day 84 AF Check in
Had a great therapy appointment today. We’ve decided to start processing my dad’s suicide week after next with EMDR. I’m feeling good about getting this started before the holidays. November and December are difficult for me and I always numb myself to the extreme.
I’ve been spending a little more time than usual with a friend of 15 years. Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that she makes a point to make me feel a little less than and left out of some things. She has been like a sister to my boyfriend for over 25 years and regularly brings up how close she is to some of his family (some I haven’t met yet). I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it does. Mark’s response is typically “she doesn’t mean it like that” or “that’s just how Juli is.” But I know her very well and can see exactly what she’s doing. I already feel a bit insecure in groups of friends and am still dealing with the shame I have. This just doesn’t make it any easier.
Sorry for the ramblings. Just needed to get it out I guess. I’m not drinking today. So that’s a score for me!
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Day 139, checking in.
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I had some major anxiety this afternoon. Very intense chest pain and extreme worry. I am off my medication (Benzodiazepines), so that I can get stronger and not mask my feelings. The medication masked the feeling and I never was able to “deal” with the pain. Now I’m facing the pain head on. I had to call my Mom for support as I didn’t want to “bug” my wife. My wife has had to deal with me for years. She needs a break.
I’m ok, but I feel like I have gained weight. I feel bad about myself. I pray that my furniture arrives this weekend. I’m still in a state of flux.
I just want to scream! Awwww!!!
I’m going to do a meditation and gratitude prayer. I need positive energy in my life.
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Hello friends, checking in on day 469. Still tired with body aches. Going to bed early tonight. Hope everyone is doing well.
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Wow way to go richard!!!
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Tonight will be day 206 of no self harm TW for mentions of vomit
I’m supposed to start work today, but I woke up at about 5:00 a.m. very nauseous and ended up puking on and off for a good 2 hours. I just finished puking some more to the point that I had a panic attack after because it felt like I was drowning in my own vomit. My doctor said the antibiotics and could make me nauseous, but after today I only have one day left and I’ve been doing fine except the first day I took them. I also have to take them with food and I don’t think I can eat right now so I probably won’t get to take them tonight.
My dad bought tickets to go see this air show. He invited me and my sister and it really sounded like a good bonding time. But now that I’m sick and it’s going to be hot I’m not going to go. However it’s kind of making me very upset because I can’t remember the last time I did anything with my dad. If I remember I think the last time when I was 13 and he took me to a concert for my birthday. And that ended with him screaming at me on the 2-hour drive home for telling my friends I felt like he was doing this to manipulate me. I just don’t have much of a relationship with him and the little bit I have is based off of fear. And when I’m sick I revert to this mindset of I just want my mom. And yeah she’s right there but she doesn’t care. She brings me water after I throw up and she changes the trash bag but then she talks about how inconvenienced she is but she knows I could do it myself. It feels like every interaction I have with my family (other than my grandpa) has to be done in the mindset that it’s not genuine and that I mean nothing to them. I don’t even get to see my grandpa tomorrow because I’m sick, and because my dad and sister are going to be gone for a couple hours we need somebody to watch the dog. It’s just exhausting having to be skeptical about any minor interaction. Even things that could be well intentioned feel like they’re an attempt to manipulate me. Just a couple days ago my mom kept telling me conflicting information on whether she thinks I should take the antibiotic before or after food. Every time I would pick up the bottle she would change her mind and at one point I put the bottle down a little aggressively. She then said"I don’t know what you want from me I can never do anything right"I hadn’t even spoken to her for more than a couple minutes that day I don’t know what I did that made her feel like that. I’m just tired of it
Also when I feel this sick I almost want to self harm just to take my mind off of how bad I feel physically. I know it’s not realistic and I’m not going to, but it sucks to feel like I can never escape these thoughts.
Something positive: my boss seems to be understanding and wasn’t irritated with me for missing my first day of work
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You’re doing a good job of taking care of yourself through a lot of sickness and turmoil. I hope that as you start feeling better that things will be more even for you and that you will enjoy your new job. I think you’re doing great and I’m sorry you’re sick and I hope that you feel well in the morning. 
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Thank you❤️
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