Had to go to the VA for lab work this morning. Took daughter out to breakfast afterwards.
We went to Sam’s Club after for hurricane prep. Got cases of water and boxes of snacks. Large packs of tp and several cases of soda. I also got two weeks supply of pixie sticks for just in case lol. A week of pixie sticks costs less than one day of cigs so it’s a win/win. Got batteries. Only thing left is candles.
Son in law is new to Florida from California. He knows earthquakes, not hurricanes and how fickle they can be. He told us not to over do it on prep. Sorry but I live by the better prepared than sorry motto especially with this many kids in the house.
Having a much better day today. Tonight is enchiladas for dinner. Tomorrow is hamburgers, potato salad, corn on the cob and baked beans. My week of kitchen duty will be officially over. Yay!
Off to watch tv awhile. Perks of retirement. I do want I want when I want lol
Twe dont deal wirh hurricanes ever whete i live. The odd tornado but I personally have nevwr been clase one. I really hope u all stay safe I cant imagine how scary that must be
The vet gave us medicine for detoxification and stomach problems, but she didn’t stop retching. So, we had to take her to the ER at midnight. She is totally fine now and drives us mad.
I was a bartender for most of my yound adult life and decided to get the tattoo “FWM$” which stands for"F*ck weekend make money" on my arm. Now that I’ve gotten out of the service industry I guess I cursed myself because I work in the water industry and work most weekends and quite often 7 days a week. Oops.
Day 105
Bit embarrassed by my meltdown the other day. Thanks for all the support. It really helps. I’m getting help which I’ve been asking for for nearly six months. Maybe things will turn out ok now. Here to fight another day.
Keep on keeping on x
Don’t be embarrassed. I would be surprised if very many people here couldn’t relate to how you were feeling. I think a lot of us have been there. I’m delighted you’re getting the help you want.
Nothing to be embarrassed about @Hayleylujah . Like @Imcrafty says Im really plessed your getting the help you deserve.
After 9pm on a friday this is about the time id be thinking about making my way home from the pub. Usually had 12+ pints and whatever else. Blackout? Of course, daily. Be embarrassed? Of course daily.
Ive been doing online S.M.A.R.T meetings this week and they are really helping me. Like here, they make me feel less isolated and more included.
I feel that through the meetings I have took a giant leap forward as far as my recovery (or as @Mno sometimes says discovery ) in concerned. goodnight everone.
I’m just glad to see you here and read you’re OK. If you finally are getting the help you’ve been waiting for something good will have come of it too. Although it’s sad it needed something like this to materialise. Take care X
Thanks for thinking if me . Our area was fine, pretty windy and rainy, but no damage. The funny thing was our cat jumping like hell at all the bangs and whistles outside .
Sorry I haven’t caught up on this thread today. I feel like my mind is going to explode. So much stress with my 16 year old today. I’m totally keeping my cool on the outside but I’m a bubbling volcano. She goes to work soon… Then Im going to help my grandmother at dinner time. When I get home, it’s going to take serious control not to drink. But I know it won’t help. I’m just really struggling to get through today.
Checking in Day 221
Today has been a beautiful autumn day. Had moments of irritability tho. Feeling exhausted too. Needing self care. I didnt exercise this morning bcuz I was too tired. Everything is annoying me today. Even me having to fix my damn spelling mistakes on here are annoying me
My son stayed home from school today bcuz its parent/teacher conference day. My sons mtg went super well! Happy about that No issues at all. I gave him a bath. We had lunch. I took him for a wagon walk thru the park behind our home. It was nice but i was hoping for more fall colored leaves. Oh well. Not a huge issue. Will gp back there again soon.
Get home and find out my sister friend (the one who started back up into prostitution recently) got attacked in her home from a John. She involved the police after he left and they did nothing. Im not even getting into this right now bcuz my opinions on this are all over the place. Anger towards her, rowards the man and the police. I told her that this was a sign that she should not have re-entered into the trade after a year of being exited. If I had to look back… the one thing i wish i wouldve listened to was the “sign” to exit the trade, that was given to me when i turned my very 1st trick. He drugged me that night in his home and that should have been enough for me to say, “Okay, maybe this isnt worth it?”. But noooo, i didnt listen. Learned real quick tho what to do and what not to do in the future. Grateful i left that life behind 8 years ago and never returned. Just wish she would listen to this event and stop before she ends up missing or dead. She literally had no good reason to return to it either. She had a good job, was off social assistance, clean n sober, doing so well and then this. Im quite mad actually for a number of reasons. But i am not living her life for her. Shes a grown woman and she knows what shes doing. I just hope that she sees the light before its too late.
Anyway… i need some serious self care. Im feeling impatient and annoyed. And instead of transferring those feelings onto others who dont deserve it, i need to just work thru this. Slow down. Deep breathe. Relax my shoulders. Smell some lavender. Stretch. Get some quiet time in. Remember HALT. Just take care of me for 1 second. Writing this helped.
Hope everyone is doing okay today!
Hugs!!
Had a great therapy appointment today. We’ve decided to start processing my dad’s suicide week after next with EMDR. I’m feeling good about getting this started before the holidays. November and December are difficult for me and I always numb myself to the extreme.
I’ve been spending a little more time than usual with a friend of 15 years. Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that she makes a point to make me feel a little less than and left out of some things. She has been like a sister to my boyfriend for over 25 years and regularly brings up how close she is to some of his family (some I haven’t met yet). I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it does. Mark’s response is typically “she doesn’t mean it like that” or “that’s just how Juli is.” But I know her very well and can see exactly what she’s doing. I already feel a bit insecure in groups of friends and am still dealing with the shame I have. This just doesn’t make it any easier.
Sorry for the ramblings. Just needed to get it out I guess. I’m not drinking today. So that’s a score for me!
Thank you for your replies. It means a lot . Yeah, I feel like I’m rushing things. I just gotta be patient with it. I’m still adjusting to this new sober life. All I know is that I can’t go back to those dark times.
Day 342 AF
I got my annual review yesterday and a pretty good raise. Much needed. Gonna have a date night with my wife tomorrow. It’s been a minute. My mom is babysitting the kiddos. I love my kids to death, but sometimes we need a lil breather. My friend’s death anniversary is this Sunday. He passed away a few years ago. I relapsed at 6 months after I heard the news. I would get super wasted on his death anniversary. I know it’s not gonna happen this time. Time really does heal. I gotta understand that death is a part of life. I’m glad I got to meet him and create memories with him.
I’m still behind on some posts, but I will take the time to catch up tonight.
I hope everyone has a great day! Take care and stay safe.
I had some major anxiety this afternoon. Very intense chest pain and extreme worry. I am off my medication (Benzodiazepines), so that I can get stronger and not mask my feelings. The medication masked the feeling and I never was able to “deal” with the pain. Now I’m facing the pain head on. I had to call my Mom for support as I didn’t want to “bug” my wife. My wife has had to deal with me for years. She needs a break.
I’m ok, but I feel like I have gained weight. I feel bad about myself. I pray that my furniture arrives this weekend. I’m still in a state of flux.
I just want to scream! Awwww!!!
I’m going to do a meditation and gratitude prayer. I need positive energy in my life.
I cant imagine how scary that must be 
Oops.
goodnight everone.
. Our area was fine, pretty windy and rainy, but no damage. The funny thing was our cat jumping like hell at all the bangs and whistles outside 
.
No issues at all. I gave him a bath. We had lunch. I took him for a wagon walk thru the park behind our home. It was nice but i was hoping for more fall colored leaves. Oh well. Not a huge issue. Will gp back there again soon.