Day 49
Forgot to check in yesterday because I had an exhausting day and I was tired. I had a panic attack and the worst thing when having this is the attention you get from your coworkers. At least for me.
We had to let another coworker come to us who finished the examinations that I had to do. I went home.
I’m now doing vagus nerve massaging and I start to take herbal medicine to help with this inner tension.
I made an appointment with my Dr for early December to talk about this.
I have an Idea what causes this, I think it’s a hormonal imbalance that has never been really checked. I only feel this way before my period starts. Never after!
Well, going to get the medicine now and do some grocery shopping.
See you later friends 
Stay strong 
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195, checking in.
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I’ve frequently heard that too. My other addictive behavior is that I seem to be a compulsive spender. I feel like going to Walmart and buying stuff for the apartment. I suppose that’s better than drinking. I need more people in my life. Not just here, but I mean near me. My neighbor comes by frequently, and so does my MH team, but I don’t really have anyone.
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Day 890 clean and sober. Got outside yesterday for an easy 6.5 mile walk in nature and boy did it make me feel better. Today is Monday for me and that’s ok. I hope everyone has an amazing day, love you guys! 
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,576.
God Bless!
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Wow thats powerful! To be reminded of that time. It looks beautiful tho with those flowers and bikes. You always take amazing photos!
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Absolutely bro
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Morning Check In
Day 279
Morning TS! On my way to work 
Hoping today goes well. Had another using dream last night. In this one I saw my husband use. I had my DOC in my hand and i remember being partially awake, telling myself to not go thru with it. I kept debating it in my dream but i never saw myself use it. I am getting really sick of these dreams. Like im done with them lol i have around 1 or 2 a week. Guess i shouldnt complain bcuz in the very early times of recovery they were very often and super intense.
I do have to admit tho that my thoughts of using have increased this past week. Much more than usual. The pull to ask my hubby about making a call is there too. I havent gone thru with asking (I promised myself long ago to never open my mouth when i want to ask bcuz i cant guarentee that he will say no). But i need to get back to the basics of recovery again. Im thankful that I can see when my recovery is not as solid as I want it to be. Bcuz then i can do something about it. All i have to say is “F Drugs!”. Cuz im never going back there. Just feeling a little nervous about where im at with my recovery but gonna pray this morning before work. Stay focused. Listen to recovery related stuff while at work bcuz my client is going home today for a family visit at 10am and I will have time.
Hope everyone has an addiction free day
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Hey all, checking in on day 888. I hope everybody has a good one!
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You completely correct in all that you wrote. And the grind can sometimes be really mean. 
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Great to hear you doing fine!
I hope that you don’t have any sore muscles!
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Stay strong and stay with us. 
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Are you going to meetings? I have lots of incredible sober people that I socialize with. Met them in AA.
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120 days free from alcohol
111 days free from toxic relationships
11 days regular eating
These numbers
Calming down today. Started with a walk, nice breakfast with once forbidden bread, doing some cleaning and organizing, doing same with my head by the way. Packing my niece 10th birthday present and writing a card, doing some beauty rituals and meal prepping. Having breaks with coffee in between.
I don’t feel amazing, but I am halfway okay.
I really need times to rest.
Hope I will find a way between power and resting soon, especially regarding job things. I know why I was afraid to start working again after my first 30 days. I am much more often in emotional trouble or dissociation.
To be honest a job for like 20 hours but with full speed would be perfect for me. And mainly Homeoffice. But I need to make money too.
I am sure I will find a way during next year the latest.
Will have a swim tonight and visit family tomorrow 
Love you all, hugs 
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Thank you and no sore muscles at all this time yay!
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Thanks for the laugh! Lol i used to use that term “hamster wheel” often lol thats so funny lol i felt better after i prayed. More grounded. Its hard to explain how i feel when i dont feel grounded. But at least im able to recognize when im out of sorts. Then i can do what i need to do to get back to where i need to be.
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Congratulations on 120 day AF 
I have just sat down litrally after clearing the garden of all the leaves and going over bits indoors.
I feel really off today like my subconscious is just thinking about all sorts of stuff causing me anxiety right now but im okay, i know it will pass.
Im glad your feeling a bit better although not totally i hope your swim helps with that.
Im going to do a meditation i think to just bring my feet back to the ground.
Have a good day and a good swim
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Hi Sabrina
I hope your feeling a bit better.
Have you looked up PMDD it sounds very familiar to the symptoms you have, and maybe you could mention it to your dr.
Maybe Google it if you havent heard of it already.
I found about it about a year ago and my dr thinks i have this, it can make me feel so out of reality as well as lots of the symptoms.
It is different from person to person.
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Its great you have noticed this and work around the feeling by not asking, which i think says alot that you dont actually want to it is just strong thoughts about it.
You are doing an amazing job, you have cone so far with your recovery and its great you notice so many things that could potentially become a danger to your recovery and you have so many ways of dealing with them and overcoming them.
hope the dreams stop and the urges too.
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