your doing so well just keep walking past, once you get inside to the warm you should hopefully feel better. Maybe some food can help you this evening ?
260 days is huge congratulations.
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tonight will be day 264 of no self harm TW for mentions of eating disorder, suicide, and SA
this weekend has been somewhat okay. my mom and sister are sick so we did not go to my grandpaās on Saturday. that should be a good thing but Iām so used to seeing people who have done traumatic things in the past that my body is used to the schedule and just prepares. when I donāt go on a saturday, I tend to get really sick to my stomach and Iām super on edge the entire day. yesterday I was really all over the place and my friend was actually kind of concerned because I was getting almost levels of rage at really dumb things like a box being in my way. I get like that occasionally I think it was just the schedule being thrown off and my fight or flight kicking in preparing for a Saturday. I ended up playing beat saber in VR, itās just a rhythm game where you have to hit the notes but itās kind of a mini workout for me and Iāve found that it gets a lot of the chaotic energy out of my system. Iām super out of shape, so I typically donāt last longer than 15 or 20 minutes and I ended up playing for almost an hour because I had so much energy to get out of my system.
I was planning to spend my Sunday getting some lesson plans done for work. however I decided to relax because I have work off Thursday and Friday. I figure Iāll do my lesson plans then. I havenāt had a weekend to myself in a very long time so I figured I might as well take advantage of it.
I have noticed a significant drop in my mood. I always get like this around the holidays. I basically feel at my lowest from October all the way until February which is most of the year. I have some other months that also are a problem. Iām going to summarize these because itās making me realize how much of my year is spent in a borderline crisis state
January- new years is the anniversary of when I was sexually abused for a period of 5 years (this and 4th of July were the worst times it happens which has also made fireworks a big trigger)
February: the person who abused me thought it was funny to make valentineās day
June: my birthday, makes me realize how little Iāve done and how little progress Iāve made and I feel hopeless
July: was forced to stay with my abuser for the entire week of the 4th of July
October - anniversary of a friend committing suicide
November/thanksgiving - I have an eating disorder and itās a gold center holiday and Iām surrounded by toxic/abusive family
December/Christmas - food, toxic/abusive family
something positive: I ate two meals today which is a first in months. I donāt feel great about it but I know I definitely needed it.
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Hi its so nice to see you check in im almost asleep so just wanted to say im glad you had eaten, while reading your post thats what i was thinking has she eaten with the work you do running around with kids all day you need to eat and remember good food your body needs amd will thank you as your constantly burning energy you must put some fuel in 
and you have so good on you i know it isnt always easy.
Im super proud of you, you always make me smile .
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thank youā¤ļø really nice to know that I was on your mind. I hope you sleep well
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Welcome! Glad to have u here! I definitly have to focus on one day at a time for sure. It was initally very overwhelming thinking that i had to live the rest of my life without drugs but, living one day at a time has helped me too 
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Thank you
Its 4am here 
it all started with watching the Titans on netflix. I have turn it off now and listening to an audio book.
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Iām glad to hear youāve eaten today!
I definitely understand times of year having an impact on you. I have a few days/weeks that Iām really a mess every year.
I think itās your body remembering certain anniversaries.
I hope things have gotten better at work. Iām glad you finally got a weekend to yourself 
And Iām glad you found a healthy coping mechanism to your stress instead of hurting yourself or doing something negative. The beat saber game sounds fun. I have a VR headset too, is it on the occulus? Or do you have a different kind?
I hope you are having a peaceful evening
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itās the oculus! Iād definitely check it out.
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Iām checking in. Day 44
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Day 14. Check.
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I understand what you mean. I get this 'think positive, smile, donāt be so negative ā all my life and it doesnāt change a thing in my thoughts. Itās not like a light bulb switched on and now I am thinking positive. Ah, thank you for mentioning this. Now, yeah, now everything is shining. The problem I had was that I wanted to die everyday. I was drinking everyday as well.
Now, somehow I have to conciouscly make a decision: doni want to feel miserable all my resting days here in earth? I dont. So, yeah, it boils down for me to looking for tiny bright things in this pile of shit, do what I can do for my part. I cannot do this everyday. And watching the news surly doesnāt help me. That is a fact for me.
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Congrats 
@Its_me_Stella sucha big accomplishments and so courageous to admit you are powerless over your addictions and chosing to focus on what you can control instead of what you canāt! I liked the part about staying in your lane too- recovery is a personal journey and as much as youād like others to understand or to chose the same path, itās just not always the case. Thank-you for the reminder and kudos again
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Checking in Day 21 of no drinking. My struggle with alcohol has been a rollercoaster as Iām sure most or all can relate. Iāve gone through periods of sobriety before and then start drinking again in moderation but it somehow always escalates back to binge drinking and black outs. I am finally willing to admit that I am powerless over alcohol. Some people may be able to drink responsibly but I am not one of those people. Alcoholism and addiction runs in my family so I do have the precursor for it and I can see with continued use how I would end up self destructing again. My family is super supportive but Iāve told friends that I want to be sober but did not get the same response, if anything my friends are the first ones ready with a drink if I decide to start again. Did anyone else find this with sobriety? Is rearranging some friendships a normal part of recovery?
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Hello @King_of_Sam Iām a returning newbie who also struggles with alcohol abuse. I like your mindset. I know they say take it day by day but sometimes that can even be too overwhelming. I like the idea of doing whatever you need to do to get through the day sober. It sounds like youāre on a good path, keep it up, you got this and hopefully Iāll be right there with ya!
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Day 8
Forgot to check in yesterday, busy one. Turns out Iām still not a fan of Monday mornings even with a clear head 
. Could be worse, I could be feeling like death. Have a good day everyone
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Download Sober Today App. Its a blue chip as a logo. It tracks the seconds and 10 million seconds sound alot better to me than 4 months. I loved every drop of alchoholā¦ so i must learn to love every second sober. Lets do this!!! @JP123 
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Welcome King of Sam!
Looking forward to your checkins.
Sometimes several checkins are needed.
Here is always someone online who is able to understand and support.
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1262 (Iāll stick to days for now)
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
Autumn landscape by Jan Hendrik Weissenbruch, 1880ās
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I started over again. This is day 2. Iām not going to beat myself up about it or feel ashamed. Itās not perfect but Iām making progress. I almost finished reading This Naked Mind. Iām trying to internalize the message that alcohol is poison and extremely addictive. That no amount is healthy and it wonāt actually make me feel better. It just eases the withdrawal symptoms it created in the first place. This is a hard lesson to accept because part of me still doesnāt want to give up alcohol completely. Yesterday I felt like crap but had no desire to drink. I know Iāve got to deal with withdrawals for a while before I can start to feel better. I keep reminding myself that I can do hard things.
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