Ur food look delicious! Glad u have a supportive friend to help 
Hope ur feeling a bit better!
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Day 1 check in 
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December 19th. Close to Christmas!
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She asked me what am I making for dinner (because it’s my night to cook 
) and I said, well for my birthday, I decided I don’t want to cook. I was feeling pretty down to be honest. And she said GOOD! then let’s go to dinner 
. Now I am feeling happy. And loved. Like someone really cares. Really a Happy Birthday to me 
And it was so much food I won’t have to think of lunch or dinner tomorrow 
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Oh wow! Thats vert close to xmas. Did u ever have trouble cleebrating ur bday bcuz it was so close to xmas?
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Happy birthday!!! Im so glad ur day improved over all. Its amazing what 1 friend can do hugs!
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You know, my mum had her faults, but she always separated them. Even the tree was as not allowed to go up until the 20th. So as an adult I have no issues, and really don’t mind them being combined now at all.
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Happy Birthday @Scorpn
So glad your evening ended up happy! Best wishes and good thoughts for a good year, And a good rest of your evening this evening and a good nights sleep!
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Evening Check In
Day 257
After alot of self care - a long warm shower and skin care, a gratitude list, prayer to my HP, chat with hubby, distraction - working on my dreamcatcher, and taking care of my environment by doing dishes and sweeping (bcuz my environment helps with my mental health), i have sort of pulled myself out of this funk. It was a lot of work. Ill be honest. But id rather put in the work and have a good evening then continue to carry this funk and be in this depressed state for days. I know part of this is bcuz im transitioning to a diff medication and im not at that strength i need to be on yet. Apart of me was thinking, “Well, let me take what im supposed to be at right away so i can feel better”. And i chose to go against that bcuz that is very addict thinking with wanting an instant fix to feel better. Just like how I used to use drugs to instantly change how I used to feel. My meds are not addictive by any means but i want to follow Drs orders and go about things properly.
Anyway, i have to work tmrw so getting ready for that.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful day/night!
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Please don’t apologize for feeling the way you do. It’s how you feel and you have the right to express that! I really hate that your own birthday makes you sad. We think a lot alike about people’s special day. It’s the one day out of the year that is yours alone! I’ll tell you what I do. I do something for MYSELF for my birthday. It’s been anything from my favorite cupcake at one certain bakery, to a facial, one year it was a tattoo, and I did a hike all by myself one year. Do something for yourself that YOU love and enjoy. I’ve never been disappointed in how I treat myself on my birthday (some years don’t count, as I was in some very dark places with substances). Just a suggestion. May seem silly, but it has always worked for me!
When is your birthday?
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Thank you so much 
I hope your day is going good too. Sending lots of love your way 
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I’m sorry you have been having a hard time. I am new here, but you are welcome to vent to me if you want. I’m a great listener. I hope your evening is going better!! Sending lots of love your way 
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proud of you for staying sober during this. nothing to be ashamed of about not paying attention to exercise or healthy eating. when you feel this bad, you do what you got to do. whatever you can do, do. that is more than enough and I am proud of you for trying
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Day 237
Havent checked in, had a lot going on. But i am still sober even though i have definitely wished i could use.
Started work and like it so far. I have access to free coffee that is good. Missed appointments. Today i couldnt find my car and wasted a lot of time. A lot has happened. Some very scary things happened. Yesterday i didnt set the timer but I cleaned and did the litter box for probably 15ish minutes. We are rearranging the kitchen and hopefully will finish soon.
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tonight will be day 240 of no self harm
today has been rough. feeling slightly more sick, migraine, really congested, and I’ve been really dizzy and weak today. random waves of nausea too.
the kids have been really chaotic all week at work. usually there’s days that are worse but most of the time they’re pretty good. this week it did not matter what I did they just would not listen and they were talking back and just acting like I wasn’t their teacher. I think it might be because I am now officially the lead teacher and they’re used to their other teacher who is now working at the front desk. I think they might just be testing how far I’ll let them go. I know that’s what I used to do as a kid with my parents at least. I almost had a panic attack today it was that bad. granted, I was already feeling bad, but I have never been that close to having a panic attack at work and I was so mad at myself for it. I just started doubting everything that maybe I can’t do this job.
there’s one kid who seems to have a fixation on choking his friends. they’re only 3. one day he took a shoelace and wrapped it around someone’s neck. was shocking but I talked to his mom she said oh yeah he has cousins that do that. it’s been a few days since he did that so I thought it was a one-time thing. today he wrapped a string around a friend’s neck. so I took all of the strings out of the classroom. we have this puzzle that is a rainbow and you have to put it together with the colors in the right order. once I took away the strings he took the wooden arches of the rainbow puzzle and was hooking people by the neck. I wrote a behavior report and I sat down with his mom to talk to her when he got picked up. his mom only asked why he wasn’t listening to the teacher. the problem isn’t him listening the problem is him being violent. every time this kid misbehaves she blames it on his cousins. it’s to the point that kids are scared of him. and he’s so unpredictable, it’s not even like anything happens that upsets him he just does it.
I have my CDA classes tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. again. that makes Saturday’s more chaotic because at about noon I go to my grandpa’s so I have to switch to my phone for the meeting in the car, and then I have to switch back to the computer once I get to my grandpa’s, and then I have to try to find a quiet spot if I need to ask any questions because everybody is loud and it’s a small house. luckily the meeting ends at 1:30 so I’m not dealing with all of that for too long.
something positive: I used to draw a lot, but I’ve kind of given up on it because I was just lost on how to progress. I feel like digital art would be more fun but obviously that’s expensive and difficult to do. I got paid today and I bought an iPad and an apple pencil so I can do some digital art. at the very least I can color on the go with it and it will be very helpful with work. my laptop is so old it just overheats and dies so quickly, and I need to bring a computer or tablet if I want to work on my lesson plans at work. super excited for it to be here wanted one for years it’ll be here tomorrow.
Lego progress: more stained glass windows
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Coffee. Just had a very weird dream (aren’t they all) where I knew I was dreaming but I still tried to change what was happening but I couldn’t. It wasn’t really very scary as such but the feeling of being out of control sucked.
Anyway. No booze or drugs were involved. Just me trying to take a shower in my bathroom but the bathroom transformed into a big hall, and the shower hose disappeared so I was left without water while soaped in. Me strongly trying to make it turn back to normal.
Woke up half an hour early. Early shifts this weekend. Vacation after. Have as good a weekend as you all can friends. Sober and clean. It’s why we’re here. Love from Amsterdam.
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Ur post made me actually tear up. Idk why… maybe a sense of relief, like an “Ah ha” moment where u showed me that it can be special with or without some sort of acknowledgment from others. I never ever thought of doing something for me. I might see if i can save up a bit of $$ or sonething to do something for myself. Get my nails done or idk… ill have to think but thank u for the comforting words how are YOU doing? I hope ur feeling slightly better
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Thank you soo much! I really appreciate that!! Hugs
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Thank you Megan! I appreciate your kind words! Hugs!
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