Checking in daily to maintain focus #49

Life in Recovery
662

102 days free from alcohol
82 days free from toxic relationships
19 days imperfect regular eating

The weather is sooo beautiful and nice here… Last late summer days in german november… Crazy… Will take a walk by the river later and sit in the sun for a while!

No,… no alcohol cravings at all.

Working at home office, no open tasks or meetings.

I made lunch… Gnocchi with moms pesto and sautéed broccoli. Very proud of that. Breakfast was vegan protein shake. For dinner I will make an Omlette or another protein shake.
Will have another swim workout later.

Freeing myself from “toxic energy things” is really working fine. It’s cultivating more and more… And sometimes I don’t know what I have done during the last years and even before…
I had such a low self respect, that I didn’t end this before. The friend I quit with after the on.off friendship plus thing, is also quiet.
He was also an ex boyfriend. Won’t repeat the difficulties we had. It’s past. It’s gone.
It’s all getting in the backround, and it’s so calming!

I found a new friend, and we are cultivating our relationship by baby steps. The slowness is what I need! It’s not my boyfriend, but we are definitely friends and training partners…
And yes, we are flirting partners
(masterclass :sweat_smile::sunglasses:).

Practicing to be “layd back” :call_me_hand:t2::sunglasses:

There were several emotions triggered already, like fear of loss or not being good enough. Had nothing to do with us…! All an opportunity to reflect where this really comes from! It’s all childhood drama. But I am an adult now, able to take care of myself… And that’s what I am focused on.
Taking care of myself. :two_hearts::heartpulse::purple_heart:

I had 2 nights with constant sleep of 6-7 hours… That is so outstanding!
Didn’t have that for years :astonished::exploding_head:
I feel recovered by this…
Hope it’s not just a phase.
I read that walnuts are good for sleep, so I will go on snacking some before bedtime.

Love, hugs… :heartpulse::hugs:
Peace, ease… :v:t2::pray:t2:
and take much care :heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse:

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Checking in on Day 1 sober from alcohol… Had 9 months, slipped for a couple weeks, made it to a week but then slipped down again for about 6 weeks. I’m not proud but I’m focusing on the now, I’m ready to climb out of the hole. And I’m remembering the 9 months sober I had, those still count for something despite the relapse. So here I am again, I missed this place! :purple_heart:

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Checking in for day 36.

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Those mine months absolutely count for something. Glad you’re back

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It’s OK to be afraid. And you got rid of your tooth in the end. :wink:

I think maybe dairy stuff could be a problem? :thinking:

Please don’t take antibiotics if you don’t have to.

Why did you sleep in a sitting position? :astonished:

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Checking in
Day 261
So i forced myself to work out. I had so much built up energy that I just felt l needed to get rid of it somehow. It was a cardio day but i chose to weight lift bcuz i needed that strong exertion. I had the best workout! Strange… but at one point, while during 1 arm dumbbell rows, i started crying. Didnt realize how much i truly had been holding in. Exercise is like a spiritual thing for me. I gain focus and feel connected, grounded and “level”. Its hard to explain. I decided to give this homecare situation to my HP. But its not just words this time. I really feel that I let go of this situation. In the past, homecare stuff has caused the most anxiety and worry of any other situation. Today i am CHOOSING to not allow this situation to take hostage over my mental health. Im done with it! Im done feeling miserable and ruining my day bcuz of this! I gave it over to my HP fully trusting and having faith that whatever happens, my HP has my back. My HP has never ever left me. Even when i barely believed in God, He was there. I began to see this when i got clean, when i looked back at my life in the depths of addiction, realizing that soooo many horrific things shouldve happened when they didnt. My HP has always had my back. Im stepping back with this and letting my HP handle this. Im off to grocery shop, then clean, and finish a dreamcatcher that i want to mail off tmrw. Today is going to be a great one!

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Hi catmancam,
glad to read from you today :v:t2:
And welcome to our little TS swimmers club :smiley:
It’s Twizzle, me and you (if you want!) until now.
:swimming_woman:t2::swimming_woman:t2::man_swimming:t2:

:grinning::grinning::grinning:

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Best wishes for your tooth thing,
that’s going on :hugs:
(need to reconstruct something
in January too🙄)

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Thank you :hugs:
Its not been as bad as i thought it would be!

@Planipennia I goodled way too much information and ended up sleeping sitting up but the dentist this morning confirmed there was no need for me to, but slight elevation of my head may help.
I think im going to stick with potatoes mashed and spaghetti mashed and tomorrow maybe see how its all going.
Im surpised its not too bad i am gratefull for that.

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:pray::pray: Im thinking of you today :purple_heart::purple_heart:

Try not to let thoughts and emotions about your daughter upset you too much, im sure she knows you love her and you have been through alot these past weeks worrying yourself more wont do you any good.
I totally understand it isnt easy and its easy for me to say but its not your fault :hugs::hugs:
Im glad meditation and reading has been a help for you i also find these very helpfull when i need to get out of my own head.

Sending love and warmth to you and your family on this difficult day :pray::hugs::purple_heart:

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@rosacando thank you so much Rosa :blue_heart:
@Twizzlers thank you :blush: I’ve lost almost a quarter of the weight I need to lose so far, still a long way to go but hoping some exercise will help a bit :pray:t2: go swim team! :swimming_woman: p.s the creamy mash and spaghetti hoops sounds amazing to me, enjoy! I’m sorry about how anxious having your tooth removed has made you, bless you, glad you feel a little better after speaking with your dentist today. :blush:
@mno thanks again Menno :blue_heart: I’ve enjoyed reading about your progressive discovery, proud of you and all that you’re doing :clap:t2:
@Rockstar24777 Aww thank you Rob :blush: love you too :blue_heart:
@Olivia that made me smile :smiley: thanks again :blue_heart:
@KrispyMac Sending strength :blue_heart: I hope today goes/went as well as these things can :pray:t2:
@juli1 yay, sober swimmers! :man_swimming: sadly my fitness watch doesn’t track swimming but I will join the club anyhow :grin:
@Butterflymoonwoman I really hope your son’s home care gets covered :pray:t2:

813 days no alcohol.
278 days no cocaine.

I bought a candle on 19th Oct, it had been in my Amazon ‘saved for later’ basket for 5+ years, after I smelled it in a gardening shop, paid for it, then it slipped from my hands in the car park, and I couldn’t exchange as it was their last one of that scent. I had an Amazon notification that the price was reduced, so I ordered one, but when it was delivered I could hear straight away that it was smashed, and it was, so I returned it. Ordered a different one from a third party, hoping theyd package it better, they did. Anyway, the very first night, I fell asleep with it on, woke at my usual 2:30am time, quickly blew it out, stood up, panicked that the smoke would trigger the fire alarm and wake the neighbours, went to waft it, caught the candle with my hand and it…went…EVERYWHERE. I have tried all of the methods I could find to get it out the carpet, including another new stain remover that took up most of my morning. But alas, I’ve called some professionals, they will come on 9th, test a patch to see if it comes out, if it does, they will do the rest, for £100…so its turned out to be a very expensive candle! He said there is no guarantee it will come out, but I’m seriously hoping the universe has my back, bcuz if not I’ll have to tell the estate agents and say I’ll replace the carpet when I leave, and hope they are okay with me! :grimacing:

I was very tired, but made myself go swimming again, it was hard work, but I’m glad I pushed myself to go. Hopefully will do so again tomorrow. Then Thursday is Therapy day where I have an 8 hour round trip to Cambridge via train and bus.

:blue_heart:

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Day 185.
I’ve been having some odd feelings of anxiety over the past day or two, and I’m really not sure why. I think it’s good that I can notice though as there was a time I felt anxious all the time and this has made me realise how that has not been such a feature recently. Even when I was at the school Halloween party and there was a parent I really didn’t want to speak to, I just moved away. I didn’t worry about it for even a second.

I also recognised yesterday afternoon that I hadn’t eaten properly and was beginning to feel unwell. I bought a bread roll and as I took the first bite I got the taste of red wine in my mouth. It wasn’t a craving, I didn’t want to get wine or anything else, but just a very strong pang, a memory.

My son and I have just had dinner together as my daughter is out for a meal with Young Carers. I have the fire on in the living room and I’m enjoying the coziness.

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I also had an experience with a candle and i you tubed ways to get it out and it worked. If i remember rightly it was brown paper bag and an iron but id have to see the video again to get the technique.

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I am so sorry to hear about your struggles @Butterflymoonwoman and am sending lots of strength your way! I hope that you find a wonderful nurse to come and care for your son over the two weekends and that you are able to get some rest and to work. It sounds like you work so hard at looking after your son and try to remain sober and also remain positive. You always give that positivity to others also. I havent been here long but I have noticed and am here. Stay strong and know you are not alone :heart:

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Hello my new sober friends :blush:

I am checking in on day 36 AF and 3 years without drugs. My sober journey has been rough, at times almost impossible, now is going so well. I am taking Naltrexone and Campril for my cravings, see my D & A therapist weekly, have 2 AA meetings on zoom a week, practice yoga and have cut back my hours at work to lower my stress levels. I am an ICU nurse and was hospitalised last year due to the stress of my job and my addiction. I remained sober for over a year but relaspsed and had to start again. So here I am. I am so grateful that i found this community of amazing people. It is such a comfort to know I am not alone in this journey. I take my sobriety day by day which is all i can cope with right now and checking in each day helps this process so much. Thank you to each and everyone of you :heart:

Have a beautiful day :blush:

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Hi, thanks to everyone.

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Afternoon of Day 2. I’m feeling discouraged after my therapy appointment today. She’s recommending an IOP or something that would provide a higher level of care that she can. To be fair, she doesn’t specialize in addiction counseling. I’ve been seeing her for anxiety and depression. I just really don’t like the idea of group sessions. I’ve been inpatient for mental health issues and was very uncomfortable in the groups. I tried to go through my insurance to find someone who does specialize in addiction but that all seem to be “Christian” focused. My depression has been bad and I’m afraid the Naltrexone is making it worse. I may have to reach back out to my doctor. Overall just miserable and discouraged. The one bright part of the day was a check in with my boss where I told her I’ve been struggling with my mental health. She was very supportive and said my health was more important than the work. I appreciate her understanding.

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Any advice? Tips to stay focused?

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Wow congratulations I can’t wait to get to that milestone :clap:

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Quick check in
Day 144 :heart:
Day 28 no cigarettes
I’ve been tested for cigarettes today.
Kitchen work is going on and the place is a mess arrrgghh :joy:
Here’s a sneak preview of tiles and sleek black sockets, we are getting there

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I went to buy some paint and other stuff earlier and dropped 10 litre light coloured paint all over the place :sob::sob: all up me and my new coat, I wanted the ground to swallow me but I survived it. I have saved my coat and I think I’ve saved my trousers but boots are lost :joy:

I wanted a cigar so bad but haven’t caved :muscle::muscle:

Keep on keeping on x

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