Happy sober day to you too 
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I feel like I should also say that the store workers were brilliant and they said paint spills are very common and not to feel too bad about it 
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Progress. 1400 days. Grateful. Still taking it one day at a time as āforeverā seems soo long but waking up hangover free never gets old. Staying sober is the best thing to do. To everyone who is struggling: It was not easy, but it gets better each and every day and it is sooo worth it. Keep strong
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so proud of you
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Iām really really struggling today. had to call off work again because Iām still sick (doc said itās rhinovirus and because I donāt have a fever I have to go back to work tomorrow). I have a lot of undiagnosed medical issues Iām still trying to figure out. Iām only 20, I have suspected rheumatoid arthritis but every time they test my levels theyāre just below the range for diagnosis. so they canāt really do anything about it and Iām stuck being in a body that feels like itās giving up. Iām also without my psych meds for 2 days now because my psychiatrist is refusing to refill them until he can see me in person since I havenāt seen him in person in 6 months. but with work thatās not an option because I work from 9:45am to 6:15 pm, and his office is almost an hour away from my job, the earliest he can see me is 9. theoretically I could take time off work I know they would let me, but I just donāt have that kind of energy. not to mention I canāt drive (I have such severe dissociation and it feels so unsafe when I drive, I just never learned) so I have to work around my parents schedules as wel. I donāt think Iāve talked about it much but I struggle a lot with chronic pain and everyday something hurts and Iām so tired of it. I havenāt been able to play any of my instruments in almost a month because my wrists just hurt. I used to play every day. the only diagnosis that Iāve gotten about my pain is fibromyalgia but thatās really just a term for we donāt know whatās wrong. at least thatās what my doctor told me.
I havenāt had any strong urges to self harm in an extremely long time now now that Iām feeling them again itās really scary. I just feel lost. I literally have one friend and heās at work for another 6 hours minimum and he canāt have his phone at work. Iām so fucking alone. and most of it is my own doing because I push people away.
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Glad that you had a swim 
I had one too, but my watch was empty after few hundredsā¦ Had a workout like yesterday 2400 meters in 55 minutes. I have good energy atm. Had a 40 minute Yoga session for Athletes before. 
Now I had my walnuts for the melatonin and will go to bed
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I donāt know what to say,
but I feel you,
especially in the last sentence!
Sending a warm hug
If you want, you can take it! 
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will always take a hug, thank youā¤ļø
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It is great to see you @CATMANCAM and get an update. Sorry about all the hard times you have had, mental and physical, good to see you on the other side of some of it and happy for you that you will be swimming ! Hope all that will work out great for you!
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Awesome. Thanks so much for coming back and sharing this milestone with us. I really appreciate it when folks with longer sober days check in and show that it is possible and offer a bite of wisdom. Nicely done.
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I like you a lot and want the best for you. I am not a Dr not a nurse, just your friend.
I want you to eat better. Is it going to take your undiagnosed pain away. Most likely not. Will it help you feel better? Most hopefully yes.
I suggest you buy and eat a cup of frozen blueberries a day
A cup of fat free Greek yogurt a day. ( high protein)
One apple a day
You can eat either in the yogurt.
Two hard boiled eggs a day
A multivitamin, start with an iron free one until your Dr tells you it is ok to take one with iron. Look that it has all the B vitamins in it.
Ask your Dr if they have ever tested your Vit D and should you supplement it or not and to what level.
Oatmeal every day. Not a bunch of sugar added to it, just plain oatmeal. You can add your blueberries or apple or other fruits or vegetables.
Editing to add that you can put almond milk in your oatmeal and let it sit in fridge over night. You can add all sorts of healthy things to it and eat it cold or heat it up the next day.
If you like chicken eat some chicken or meat every day.
Cottage cheese is high protein
Add vegetables if you like them
Frozen broccoli is a good choice. Tomatoes. Spinach.
A little goes a long way. Start simple. I know you often do not even want to eatā¦
I would like to see you up your nutrition. Find good nutritious foods that you like and will eat. Take a multivitamin.
Find out should it have iron in it or not. Find out how much Vit D you should take.
Big hugs, and love, from a friend xoxoxo Proud of you for all you are doing, you continue to get your stuff together despite your past and the stuff in your present. I have lots of admiration for you.
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i actually currently take a multivitamin with iron and I take vitamin D. I have a pretty bad iron and vitamin d deficiency. this is an amazing list of foods. Iām going to screenshot it and keep it on hand. I do like chicken, I eat it somewhat often but not enough for sure. I actually never thought about how much my diet is affecting my pain though. at the very least itās a great motivator to get myself to eat consistently. thank you 
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I was getting ready to edit again bc I reread your post and saw that you are thinking about self harming again. Please do not. What are thigs that you know you can do to keep from doing that>? I care for you so much and am so proud of you for each day that you have not self harmed. I tried to make the food list affordable and effortless pretty much.
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Iām doing a little better now. Iāve been scrolling through tiktok for several hours which definitely isnāt the healthiest but I feel so sick today I havenāt been able to do any of my typical coping mechanisms. normally Iād drawn or make music but I canāt seem to get myself to do that. back when I was first attempting to self harm I would focus on laying perfectly still because it i donāt move I wonāt do anything. that has been what Iāve been doing for 3 hours. I havenāt resorted to that in years. Iām waiting for my friend to get home and then weāre gonna talk. I called him on his lunch break to let him know I needed some help
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Just know that you are So cared for! Sorry you are having a bad day. I am glad that you are able to go back to what has worked for you in the past to hold yourself safe. I am happy you like the idea of the foods. Nutrition is health. Colors in your food are healthy. Fruit vegetables, proteinā¦ tuna a is good too. We have a food thread if you care to post in it. Also a meditation thread that you might like. Lots of Insight Timer suggestions.
Stay safe.
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thank you, I will
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Huge hugs Megan. How are u feeling now? I wish you werent in soo much pain. It must be soo frustrating and upsetting just wanting to be able to function and do day to day tasks without any pain, but the pain is constant. I wish u could get to see ur psychiatrist and that his hours were abit more flexible. Im sure it would help greatly having ur meds back. I know me being off meds is never good 
I am sooo proud of u tho for reaching out 
i care about you and even tho u may not see it, i see huge improvements in you
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I was a little better but itās getting a bit rough again with it being nighttime. my psychiatrist has been ignoring my calls. itās just so infuriating. thank you for your kind words Iām glad someone is seeing improvements because Iām having a really hard time seeing them myself
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Evening Check In
Day 261
Today has been sooo busy but overall pretty good i guess. I exercised, got the grocery shopping done, washed dishes, washed and dried 3 loads of laundry, made supper, worked on a dreamcatcher, and now just about to put my boy to bed. I do feel tired.
My mood seems abit better today. Last night was rhe 1st night of a slightly higher dose of my med. Will be staying on this dose until i speak to my Dr next week. Will probably go up again then.
Homecare issues were sort of resolved today. There are 2 shifts now that are vacant instead of 6. So thats a huge improvement! She is still trying to look for a fill in for those 2 shifts.
I also am feeling sort of used by a friend of mine. Im thinking of just ending this āfriendshipā to be honest. I have mentioned her before on here, how we will msg each other and then out of no where she will stop texting and leave the conversation until a week or so goes by. She makes plans with me to meet up and then males some excuse. She is busy. I underdtand that. She has a young son, personsal training business, is a supportive roommate for a client that needs care, and is a competitive bodybuilder. She won pro recently and is now able to compete at world level. Im happy for her. Shes an amazing woman. But she is even more distant than before and now asking me to watch her client and check in on him twoce a day while she travels for like 7 days to compete. Like she never talks to me anyway unless she needs something. Even if i wanted to help, i couldnāt due to time restrictions. But thats not the point. Shes basically is like my only friend here in this province and its sad that its come to this.
Other than that, things are okay. Am trying to get back to my eating. So far today wasnt the day for that
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WOW!! 1400 days is incredible!!! Huge congratulations 
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