I too am from Australia!! I struggle to even see people in public drinking without it triggering me. It almost causes me a physical ache. I am 41 days sober today and dreading the warmer weather and the festive season. We live in a culture where drinking is the norm and even encouraged. I went so far as to roster myself on xmas day so i dont have to face my family of drinkers this year. I just know I would not make it through. Maybe next year I might be strong enough. It is nice to know you are here 
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What a beautiful and inspiring post @Sabrina80 ! That brought a smile to my face 
thanknyou for sharing! Your positivity is infectious. Keep it up my friend because it brings hope and joy to others 
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It is such a joy to read your posts @Butterflymoonwoman! They bring me such a sense of hope and happiness. I can feel the love you have for your little boy and feel your excitement that you can give him the care he needs now you are sober. I am so relieved that you have support in caring for him. That means you are less likely to get burnt out by doing it alone and can be the best mum you can be. I have found that by looking after my own wellbeing has been pivotal in becoming a better mother to my children (one has ADHD, ODD, and one is on the autism spectrum). I get support for their therapies and support at school which is a blessing. And now I am sober I can be more present for them. Being their mother is my greatest achievement and I want to do the best job I can possibly do. I can only do that sober. I am so proud of how much you have achieved from such a challenging past. You are amazing
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@Twizzlers, thanks for your supportive msg re swimming, I think bcuz of how slow I am, I donāt get out of breath bcuz I swim non-stop for 30-45mins then just get out when it gets too hard to stay afloat 
I will definitely keep going, it is motivating that there are a group of us here doing it, I think seeing yours and Juli1ās posts while I was catching up definitely helped get me back in the pool, Iāve had the weekend off bcuz I was anxious it would be busy, so Iām looking forward to a swim tomorrow. Iām currently 6st overweight so I need to keep exercising now that Iāve overcome my fear of the changing room.
@ReeBee28 congrats on 40 days 
you did really well to resist at the shower, proud of you, sorry youāre feeling flat, I hope todayās shift and the music has lifted you a little
@Minatasha rest days are okay too. Congrats on 8 months
@Juli1 wow at your numbers! Itās just the lounge/living room in my flat, but since I stopped using I havenāt been able to go in there bcuz thatās where I used to sit when Iād used, also havenāt been able to sit down and focus on and TV shows for about 2 years, even though I used to love Netflix etc, so itās huge progress for me 
@Scorpn sending strength 
@Planipennia I caught 3 shiny Dratinis amongst many regular ones 
@Freckles2 welcome back
@AEGFletcher Iām sorry about the loss of friendships, I know that pang for connection too well, since I have lost now all of my friends to addiction or my mental health in general, so I donāt have any advice, just solidarity. Iām generally fine by myself too but the pangs are definitely there.
@Sabrina80 congrats on your breakthrough
@Tyland we are all here to support and encourage each other
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@Bones_80 congrats on your week
818 days no alcohol.
283 days no cocaine.
I really didnt feel like it today but sat in my lounge and made it through anither episode of Stranger Things, once it was on I felt okay, I didnt even pause it once today. I have the man coming re the candlewax stain on Wednesday so I need to do my long-overdue cleaning tomorrow and Tuesday. Cleaning is still quite triggering for me as I used to rely on cocaine to get it done, but I have done it enough times without now, to know that once I get started, I can do the tasks one at a time at my own pace. I had slept a few extra hours than usual last night and had some rough nightmares, but once I was awake they didnt effect me too much. Its been a lazy weekend, so Im looking forward to being productive at home, and getting back to swimming.
ETA: I did end up eating crisps with the final episode of The Voice UK last night. I am hoping that I can moderate (
) and only eat them with the final episode of shows Iām watching. That way, Iām still getting a little of what I love, but if I obsess or cant control myself (highly likely) I will put a complete ban back.
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Iām really struggling today. Cravings are manageable and Iām not going to drink, but I feel awful. Horrible headache all day. Bad anxiety. Crying. I canāt relax and canāt find any enjoyment in anything. Depressed at the thought this will all continue for a while. This is only day 3. Iām miserable. 
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Whilst I have a different drug of choice I think the first few days are the toughest. Your body is going through the chemical withdrawal as well as the mental side of things.
You have done superbly to get this far. Celebrate each day as an achievement. Youāve got this.
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107 days free from alcohol
88 days free from toxic relationships
24 imperfect regular eating
Had a nice cozy Sunday at my family. 
Back home now.
Right now I am feeling a bit like I donāt knowā¦
Having real baaaaad thoughts about bodyweight, figure and feeling very tired.
Think I need to focus more, make my body smaller to be more beautiful!!! My stomach and tight have suffered from the years of high weight gain and high weight loss (both several times and in short time) due to the eating disorder.
Currently I am well trained, muscular, athletic, flexible butā¦ Not skinny. I am a curvy trained, very fit and healthy girl. So what! Fuck all that thoughts! Really fuck that! I am eating healthy most of the times and I am no more restricting, measuring, counting and all that things I will drive to perfection in short time againā¦ I just want to live!
And I just learned a better name for curvy:
JUICY 
Sorry for spitting out my feelings once more so freely hereā¦ Thanks for having this place!
Will nap a bit, hang around and
scroll through TS 
Hugs 
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Day 3
I felt better today. I was a bit unfocused and irritable this morning but I set myself some things to do and did them. I have:
-
Bought a daylight lamp so that I can paint in the winter. I have come to realise how relaxing painting is and it feels like a big part of my recovery strategy. A way to be at home and relaxed without being triggered.
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Painted for a few hours
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Went for a walk (which really helped with the restlessness)
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Spoke to my parents
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Got some ideas down for a book I have been writing. Planning to do some actual writing this evening.
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Listened to some podcasts.
So itās been a productive day full of things I enjoy and things that will benefit me long term. I used to find the weekends without my son the most difficult. Slowly I am learning to use this time on self reflection and recovery.
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Ahhh, thanks for explanation 
So I am very happy for you
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Thank you so much for sharingā¦
That sounds wonderful
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Sounds cool and reflected but still feeling wrong
@CATMANCAM thank you so much for your words of support and encouragement! My shift went so well and it was great to experience it absolutely hangover free! As the day went on my mood lifted and I looked back at my thoughts versus my actions at the shower as an achievement instead of a failure. I could have chosen to take a bottle of wine and secretly drank it but i chose not to. And for that I am proud. I have no doubt that being a part of this community has contributed to my continued sobriety and better insight into my feelings surrounding this journey. It is posts like yours and others that give me the encouragement to keep going. Thank you so much
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The anticipation!
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I too used to find my time without my children (when they were staying with their dad) the most difficult time. On one hand I could relax and they didnt see me drinking. And on the other I missed them so much it made me drink more to numb the feeling. Now when they are at their dadās I fill in my time with alcohol free activities that make me feel better about myself. I do yoga, therapy, craft, catch up with friends, study, work and most of all rest. Good on you for such a beautifully productive day of doing such lovely things for yourself. I know that doing those things will make you happier in yourself and in turn be reflected in the mother that your son sees when he gets home. Much love
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Day 246
I woke up crying. Im so tired. I cried in the kitchen. Im eating potatoes, brownies, more air fryer potatoes. Im excited to go to work so I can just not be in my mind. Had the thought I really wanted a drink but ofc cant do that.
I clocked in on time 100% of the days last week. I can do that next week too. Going to eat an early dinner, go to bed early, and get up early.
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I too struggle with cleaning and household chores sober. I used to use amphetamines to do it and then when I got off the speed I stuck with alcohol to get me through it. Not as fast mind you but I got it done lol. Speed made me crave to be busy and then drinking took the boredom out of it. After I became sober it took me all of my strength to find the motivation to just walk to the toilet let alone do any chores. I just do one job a day now and spread it out. My house is actually cleaner now because I dont go on a cleaning frenzy that I then have to recover from for days and then it returns to mess during the recovery. I now manage to keep on top of it instead of having to do it all at once. I never really thought about it til now.
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Checking in 189 days free from weed and alcohol
My sense of wellbeing and joy is so high today. Maybe its getting things done on the weekend and not just sleeping off the hangovers. Maybe its a culmination of recovery work i continue to do. So fucking greatful i keep saying no to that first drink.
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For all the worrying ive done about how my drinking might of affected my 5 year old daughter emotionallyā¦last night at bed time she looks at me with her big brown eyesā¦āmammaā¦you the best mamma in the worldā¦i love you to the moon and backā made everything so worth while
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