@Alycia congratulations!!! A very nice number
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Nice number!!! Ur doing amazing!!!
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once I have the money saved up Iâm probably going to have to find a roommate. I canât imagine Iâll ever be able to afford to live on my own.
my parents wonât let me cook because they say itâs a waste of their resources even if itâs food I bought with my own money. they say itâs their stove and their pans.
I want to learn to drive but itâs incredible scary to me and when I get to stressed I get really sleep and that happens every time I drive. I want to pay for a driving instructor but itâs super expensive and I donât have my own car. however my grandpa is looking into giving up his license and if he does I might ask if I can buy his car. I wouldnât be surprised if he just gave it to me honestly.
the previous teacher is actually the closing manager I work with and she is so much help. sheâs been giving me ideas and she actually took the time to teach me how to lesson plan. I may ask her for some example lesson plans I never thought of that.
I really gotta start getting help for the way I eat. I donât know how because in therapy I just donât follow what is asked. and i have no one to hold me accountable irl, my only friend is an online friend and I just lie to him. clinics arenât an option because Iâm overweight so no one thinks Iâm sick, theyâre so expensive, and I couldnât take the time off work since theyâre indefinite stays
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@KarenKW The first few days suck, no escaping it. But get thru them and stay clean and you never have to do them again. 
@C_8 Whoo hoo 
@Bomdhil Well done!
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Yaaaaaa lovely numbers!
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Well thatâs not very nice of them! I would totally buy you a cookware set! Idk if Iâm allowed to say that here but 
I think life skills are important especially in young adults. Maybe buying a car from your grandparents would be good for you. Youâre familiar with it (more so than buying from a stranger) so it would be less stressful in a sense.
Are there any big parking lots that have wide open spaces? Maybe you can practice driving there until youâre more comfortable behind the wheel. It helped me 
I was dxâd with an ED while overweightâŚitâs not as common, but I was inpatient so they actually saw my eating habits. If you feel like you have disordered eating then you do. No matter what the scale says. Just (try) to get something in your body to keep you from feeling sick or lightheaded.
Iâm not sure if my replies are helpful to you, but I hope they are. Youâre an amazing young lady and you deserve to be treated with kindness. Especially from yourself. 
Sending hugs
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your replies are always super helpful. thereâs a family large school parking lot not too far from me. my dad used to take me when I was like 16 and he was actually trying to teach me. chances are I have an ED and my therapist has said i have âdisordered eatingâ but I never really talk about how bad it gets. it was really really bad in middle school and itâs been better but Iâve been losing a fair bit of weight recently. I just donât want to add more diagnoses to the list. I know itâs not but in my brain it feels like the more diagnosed I have the more hopeless I get
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No. Donât look for a diagnosis, especially if itâs only going to stress you more. Look for a way to feel better about your relationship with food. I had to see it as a tool to maintain my body. Like a car needs fuel or a plant needs sun.
Because i am fine with not eating for days at a time. My weight fluctuates a lot still but i am trying to have a better relationship with food. No food is inherently good or bad. Itâs just fuel for our bodies.
The previews at the movies are almost over, so Iâll be offline for a few hours. Hope youâre evening is going better than the other day.
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bit of an early check-in. tonight will be day 148 of no self harm.
struggling a bit again. yesterday I had class from 7am and got out at around noon. then I worked on my homework from noon until 5. went home, watched a musical with my friend and went to bed. slept nearly 12 hours and sleep but according to my smart watch only 53 minutes was REM sleep.
today I woke up at 11, then had to go shopping for things for work. but that meant I had to go with my mom to run errands since I canât drive. so I have been out of the house since noon and it is about to be 5. I have to take a shower when I get home (which always completely drains me) and then I have to prepare a week of projects for the kids at work.
one of the errands was going to the dollar store. and they had a 12 pack of things I would use to harm myself. (I donât wanna specify and give anyone ideas). I used to SH on my arms a lot but they are mostly faded so I wear short sleeves, which means my scare are visible. so Iâve spent a good portion of the day super triggered and fixating on my scars all day.
just incredibly overwhelmed
something positive/wholesome: every year the church has a spaghetti dinner. I donât eat it but my grandpa loves it. they make the best rolls but obviously it comes with the meal. brought my grandpa spaghetti and he gave me his roll. figured he didnât want it. he got sliced bread and told me he knows how much I love them, heâd rather give it to me. he also has a hard time saying âI love youâ not because he doesnât love me, because his parents never said it so he finds it awkward to say. today I left his house and without me saying it he went âI love youâ
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thank your for your responses, I hope you enjoy your movie!
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Ending Day 9.
Had a wedding today. Wasnât as bad as I thought it would be. I just drank coffee/ water and had a Sprite.
Actually hit up the Taco Bar pretty hard too!!
Had a lot more room for food since I wasnât bloated from alcohol. I even had â2â desserts which I would have normally passed on.
I did have to leave early just to be on the safe side but Iâm excited to hit 10 days tomorrow. Not a huge victory but really looking foward to being able to post @ 2 weeks and then 30days.
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I honestly donât know how Iâm going to get through these next few days. Sobbing uncontrollably, hyperventilating, panicking. I tried to go lie down but couldnât breathe so got back up. So worried about work this week. Canât afford to take time off. Totally freaking out.
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Try some deep breathing or grounding techniques. Or a relaxing meditation on YouTube.
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Day 6⌠this next week will be a make or break moment for my life. Iâm glad I was able to get sober to try and fix all the mess. Going to bed early. Gnite all.
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I am SOOO proud of you kevin! Really impreased with all the work uv put into ur recovery this month 
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Evening Check In
Day 266
Work was good! Pretty laid back day. Came home and ate a good supper. Did some laundry and am trying my best to relax and rest before having to do the awake overnight shift with my son. Theres no nurse tonight to watch him on his ventilator, so I have to do it after being awake since 6am and ar work today. Trying to just be as prepared as possible to make my life easier tonight. He does go to school tmrw so i can sleep when hes there. And thankfully it is only 1 night. Initally there were 6 vacant days within a 10 day span so that would have been impossible for me.
Ive been getting a lot of dejavue lately too which is strange bcuz i rarely get that. Strange. Not much else to say right now. Will probably be checking in abit more often tonight. I find late nights hard on me emotionally and mentally. Have a great day/night everyone!
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I always take dejavu as a sign im on the right path
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Hmmm thats interesting. Thank u for that!
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