I am SOOO proud of you kevin! Really impreased with all the work uv put into ur recovery this month 
Evening Check In
Day 266
Work was good! Pretty laid back day. Came home and ate a good supper. Did some laundry and am trying my best to relax and rest before having to do the awake overnight shift with my son. Theres no nurse tonight to watch him on his ventilator, so I have to do it after being awake since 6am and ar work today. Trying to just be as prepared as possible to make my life easier tonight. He does go to school tmrw so i can sleep when hes there. And thankfully it is only 1 night. Initally there were 6 vacant days within a 10 day span so that would have been impossible for me.
Ive been getting a lot of dejavue lately too which is strange bcuz i rarely get that. Strange. Not much else to say right now. Will probably be checking in abit more often tonight. I find late nights hard on me emotionally and mentally. Have a great day/night everyone!
I always take dejavu as a sign im on the right path
Hmmm thats interesting. Thank u for that!
That just means youāre in the matrixā¦
Just checking in today,
1 day 19 hours clean from weed(8th relapse)!! I had a really good day. I got out and went MTB(mountain biking) with the girlz!! it felt SO GOOD!!! to get some much over due DIRT THERAPYā:mountain_biking_woman:t2:
especially after this last relapse. Had a rough week. So glad its over and got in the best therapy ever and thatās my DIRT THERAPY!! MTB RIDING!!!
The past 2 weeks have been the most challenging days Iāve had as long as I could remember and everyday seems to be worse than the one before. Today takes the cake. Iāve been frustrated and angry all day and I am seriously at the end of my rope. I feel like of one more thing goes wrong, Iām gonna snap, Iāll probably go out for milk and never come backā¦
Im checking in, reminding myself to just fucking breatheā¦
Days like that really suck. And if it is weeks you feel like the universe is against you. Hope it turns around soon.
Thanks, I hope it turns around too, Iām sure it will, kind of has to! Right?!?
Iām really sorry youāre dealing with so much. I Iām hope things settle back down and start going right for you again. Sending positive energy your way
Hey bud. Donāt know whatās going on but you are stronger than you think you are right now. Virtual hugs.
Way to go!
1248
Have as good a day as you can friends. Love.
Watercolour by Anton Mauve, c. 1870/1888
@HoofHearted Iām glad youāre here friend. I hope it helps a bit. Hugs.
108 days free from alcohol
89 days free from toxic relationships
25 imperfect regular eating
Still struggling hardly with body image and feelings of not being okay. Wasnāt able to sleep until 1 am because of bad, self destructive thoughts! 
Hadnāt had such a self destroying point of view for a long time.
Preparing for work, 7 am.
Still sober.
Hugs.
Have a good working day Julia. Lifeās hard at times. Keep going. Good days and bad ones. Thereās no alternative. Hugs.
Day 37
Early morning check in, Iām on my way to work.
One colleague is sick and one is at school. And from Thursday on weāll miss another collegue who has to get a surgery.
This is a disaster for us, minus 50% staff.
Yes that stresses me already although itās only Monday and the worst case may never happen. But anyway, itās stressful.
This is the, I lost count, x reminder for me to get another job. But itās not easy. I should try it anyway. Healthcare is loosing a lot of staff in Germany these days because weāre chronically understaffed and underpaid. But what else could I do? Hm, good question.
For now Iāll survive this day first. Letās see how the week turnes out.
Have a beautiful sober day friends 
Just do fucking breatheā¦ I am sorry about whatever has happened to get you so rattled and upset. Know that you are worthy, know that you mean a lot to lots of people, here and I am sure in your 3D worldā¦
Let us breathe with youā¦ Follow meā¦ In for a count of five secondsā¦ hold it for four seconds, let it out for a long five or 6 secondsā¦ please do this w me.
Stay close to hereā¦ post updatesā¦ you are cared for, you are loved, plus your music is greatā¦ your food too.
Checking in
Day 267
Its just after midnight here and im still awake since Im doing the awake overnight shift for my son. Im sooo tired, especially after being up early and working all day. My son is unsettled so that makes it abit harder. Just harder to relax when im already soo tired. This too shall pass and we will have homecare for monday night thankfully.
I hate being up late. My mind goes to all weird placesā¦ thinking too much, getting triggered by certain things. I rarely get triggered to use anymore but those triggers remind me of my past. And thats exactly what it isā¦ my past. Im no longer there. So i have to remind myself often of the present and where my focus is now. That im no longer in that place of dispair. Very grateful of course to be coming up on 9 months in like a week or something. I only dreamed of that back in the day. Never thought complete abstinence was possible for me. I truly thought that id be using something in one way or another my entire life. Truly believed that i just was one of those unlucky addicts who wouldnt make it. By the grace of God i survived all i have and here i am today, blessed 
I need sleep but cant so will do some reading on here i think. Love to all!