That just means you’re in the matrix…
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Just checking in today,
1 day 19 hours clean from weed(8th relapse)!! I had a really good day. I got out and went MTB(mountain biking) with the girlz!! it felt SO GOOD!!! to get some much over due DIRT THERAPY:mountain_biking_woman:t2:
especially after this last relapse. Had a rough week. So glad its over and got in the best therapy ever and that’s my DIRT THERAPY!! MTB RIDING!!!
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The past 2 weeks have been the most challenging days I’ve had as long as I could remember and everyday seems to be worse than the one before. Today takes the cake. I’ve been frustrated and angry all day and I am seriously at the end of my rope. I feel like of one more thing goes wrong, I’m gonna snap, I’ll probably go out for milk and never come back…
Im checking in, reminding myself to just fucking breathe…
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Days like that really suck. And if it is weeks you feel like the universe is against you. Hope it turns around soon.
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Thanks, I hope it turns around too, I’m sure it will, kind of has to! Right?!?
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I’m really sorry you’re dealing with so much. I I’m hope things settle back down and start going right for you again. Sending positive energy your way
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Hey bud. Don’t know what’s going on but you are stronger than you think you are right now. Virtual hugs.
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Way to go!
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1248
Have as good a day as you can friends. Love.
Watercolour by Anton Mauve, c. 1870/1888
@HoofHearted I’m glad you’re here friend. I hope it helps a bit. Hugs.
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108 days free from alcohol
89 days free from toxic relationships
25 imperfect regular eating
Still struggling hardly with body image and feelings of not being okay. Wasn’t able to sleep until 1 am because of bad, self destructive thoughts! 
Hadn’t had such a self destroying point of view for a long time.
Preparing for work, 7 am.
Still sober.
Hugs.
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Have a good working day Julia. Life’s hard at times. Keep going. Good days and bad ones. There’s no alternative. Hugs.
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Day 37
Early morning check in, I’m on my way to work.
One colleague is sick and one is at school. And from Thursday on we’ll miss another collegue who has to get a surgery.
This is a disaster for us, minus 50% staff.
Yes that stresses me already although it’s only Monday and the worst case may never happen. But anyway, it’s stressful.
This is the, I lost count, x reminder for me to get another job. But it’s not easy. I should try it anyway. Healthcare is loosing a lot of staff in Germany these days because we’re chronically understaffed and underpaid. But what else could I do? Hm, good question.
For now I’ll survive this day first. Let’s see how the week turnes out.
Have a beautiful sober day friends 
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Just do fucking breathe… I am sorry about whatever has happened to get you so rattled and upset. Know that you are worthy, know that you mean a lot to lots of people, here and I am sure in your 3D world…
Let us breathe with you… Follow me… In for a count of five seconds… hold it for four seconds, let it out for a long five or 6 seconds… please do this w me.
Stay close to here… post updates… you are cared for, you are loved, plus your music is great… your food too.
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Checking in
Day 267
Its just after midnight here and im still awake since Im doing the awake overnight shift for my son. Im sooo tired, especially after being up early and working all day. My son is unsettled so that makes it abit harder. Just harder to relax when im already soo tired. This too shall pass and we will have homecare for monday night thankfully.
I hate being up late. My mind goes to all weird places… thinking too much, getting triggered by certain things. I rarely get triggered to use anymore but those triggers remind me of my past. And thats exactly what it is… my past. Im no longer there. So i have to remind myself often of the present and where my focus is now. That im no longer in that place of dispair. Very grateful of course to be coming up on 9 months in like a week or something. I only dreamed of that back in the day. Never thought complete abstinence was possible for me. I truly thought that id be using something in one way or another my entire life. Truly believed that i just was one of those unlucky addicts who wouldnt make it. By the grace of God i survived all i have and here i am today, blessed 
I need sleep but cant so will do some reading on here i think. Love to all!
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You’re such a great mom to stay up all night after being up since 6 just to make sure your little one is ok. I’m sending you lots of love 
it’s just past 2 here and i stayed up late to see my fourth week start… your late night is for a much better cause 
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Honestly they are BOTH amazing causes 
im so freakin proud of you girl! Honestly. Im glad ur here and being an amazing mom to ur kiddos too! Ive seen the change in u already!
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It’s pretty great honestly!! You’re taking care of your little and I’m taking care of me so i can take care of my littles
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How old is your little one?
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Hes 6 hes one of my biggest motivators to keep on this path of recovery. Urs?
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My biological kids are 13, 12, and 4
My bonus kids are 21, 16, 15, 14, 12, 12, 11, and 9
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