I miss(ed) you friend! Huge congrats on your anni! Awesome work!
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Northern California 
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Congratulations to freaking 2 sober years! 
Sober and FREE today.
Free to make the choices I desire and to keep learning from them. 
PEACE
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Thank you!
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@Sigurdurerik congrats on 6 months
@Hazy welcome back 
@Deelzebub grief is hard 
sending strength 
@Tomek congrats on 2 years
821 days no alcohol.
286 days no cocaine.
The professional was here for 45mins, he tried everything but the stain could not be removed. I felt so sick about it, so I emailed the estate agents straight away, I offered to sign something saying Iād replace the master bedroom carpet when the time came that I leave, but they replied thanking me for telling them and said weād deal with it on check-out, so to say Iām relieved is a massive understatement!
I was mentally and emotionally exhausted after the guy left and Iād dealt with telling the estate agents, so some cravings came up for my vape (that I havenāt used for 6 days) ((Iām on NRT only)) and also for a takeaway (that I havenāt had for 54 days), but instead, I forced myself into a nap, it took forever to fall asleep but I did eventually, and the cravings had subsided when I awoke.
Iāve now started the new season of Peaky Blinders, so thatās exciting as I love this show.
My brother is coming in a couple of hours to collect some items I ordered on his behalf for his wifeās bday this weekend, and Iām going to ask his advice about a DIY project my landlord has agreed to with strict conditions, Iām not sure if itās going to be possible but my brother will know, for sure.
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Day 3. I want to write, but I donāt know what about. Day 3 is the very beginning, I did it so many times. This time I donāt want to focus on the counting. I focus on my moment here and now and how my feelings are. Today they are wavey, I have to admit. Quick up and downs. Itās difficult to admit this because I want to be tough and stabil. But thatās me, this crazy feeling human being.
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Day 8ā¦ feel very weak and shakey today. Going to slow down and job search. I wonāt go back to my high stress insane work anymoreā¦ it drives me to numb myself out. I am not mentally or physically equipped to handle the amount of stress ls or hours anymore, but I am also broke and have 37 cents to my name after the last two years of downfall. So Iām searching for something more meaningfulā¦ problem is cost of living is sky rocketing here and all the āmeaningfulā to me stuff Iām finding pays less than a living wageā¦ so Iām searching. Very confused on what to do. Still sober.
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Checking in for day 44.
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Update - feeling ease 2 hours later! 
Will keep this post as a reminder that itās okay not to be okay!
And that everything passesā¦
Trigger warning 
110 days free from alcohol
91 days free from toxic relationships
1 day imperfect regular eating
I am so fucking not okay! I am in trouble to relaps to toxic relationshipā¦
He called again yesterday in the evening (message from blocklist)ā¦
I met a girl today who is living in another apartment in the house where he is living.
That triggered me too!
I had so much trouble at work, worked over 10 hours and didnāt find a parking spot arriving at home.
Called my mother and we argued in the end.
This is just all too much for me!
Need something that is kicking me out of this modus.
Even had the reflex to self harm or destroy anything.
Or get in contact with him.
Donāt want to eat.
Just want to intoxicate.
Please help me if possible 
The pool is blocked by water polo team todayā¦
So canāt push my feelings out in the water
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Checking in on Day 44 no alcohol 4 years no smoking and 3 years no amphetamines. Thought I might chuck in my other achievements because they may have been easier to combat in comparison to my problem with alcohol, they are still something to be proud of. I was a heavy smoker for over 20 years and injected speed for over 10 years and everyday almost in the last 3 years of my addiction.
I am working today and very excited to see the patient I was nursing yesterday. She was so unwell the night before last and her organs were shutting down. She was making no urine and her breathing was laboured. The decision was made to have all care withdrawn and the priest was called and gave her last rites. Her very large family came from all over the state to say goodbye. She was given medication to settle her anxiety and fear. Then I took over on the morning shift and went in to check on her to see if she or her family needed anything. She was a softly spoken woman who looked to be resting so comfortably. I asked if she needed anything and she said she actually felt the best she had felt since she arrived in ICU. I checked her obs and they were surprisingly stable and there was urine in her catheter which meant her kidneys were recovering! I rechecked her bloods and her numbers had miraculously improved! By the end of the day that patient had not only survived but was having surgery to fix the obstruction that had turned her septic and nearly ended her life. Her family thanked me like I had saved her but I was merely a witness to a miracle. Days like that are the reason I became a nurse.
We also celebrated my husbands birthday with takeaway and cake at home and an early night. I struggled with wanting a drink but have woke with renewed resolve and excitement to see my patient again.
Love to you all
Ree
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Checking inā¦
Moving along quite nicely today, finding im not thinking about drinking so much in the evenings nowā¦getting much more used to not having it and settling into my evening routine much moreā¦enjoying cooking lovely nutritious meals as i love to cookā¦enjoying time with my daughter and im settling back into my work routine also. Set myself a few small tasks today that ive achieved and im about to set some ready for tomorrow. Ive just invited my parents to have their Christmas lunch with my daughter and i so il be making the Christmas lunch this year and im looking forward to itā¦i want plenty things to do at Christmas so planning on lots of cooking and playing with my daughter and her new toys that day
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Day 4
Failed 
had one beer.
BUT
Usually this would lead to many more. But I stopped at 1.
Resetting the clock but Iām taking the small win. Not going to give up that easy.
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@Juli1 sorry everything seems like itās falling apart on you. You will hopefully get your strength and be able to let some of this go before you go to sleep. Bad days are going to happen. You are strong. Iām hoping that in the last hour things have gotten better for you. I know you love your sobriety and that youāre happy that youāre not self harming. Donāt let the bad in your life take you down. You are strong. Thinking about you during this hard time that youāre going through and I hope youāre able to calm your mind before itās time for you to go to sleep and hope that tomorrow is better.
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How you doin Juli? Just saw this. Wish I could help. Are you ok?
Have you tried a really long hot relaxing shower? Maybe a good guided meditation? Long power walk?
I hope sharing here helped.
Hang in there my friend. And please keep us posted. Maybe head over to the gratitude thread and read or join in if you willing.
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Checking in. Day 33
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Congratulations on your 2 years sober Tomek!!
I know youāve worked so hard and over come so much to get here.
Very proud of you my friend.
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Nice one cat man, great achievement, keep that positive mind set. im early starting aswell on my 3rd full day just approaching 8.10pm, i live in england. Was full of motivation for first 2 days but finding today much harder. Would normally watch tv with my wife or play a game and fall asleep but shes gone to her mums to see her for the night which is always dangerous for me being on my own especially as no work in the morningā¦ taking a minute at a time at the moment.
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Itās getting betterā¦
Itās really getting betterā¦
Feeling easeā¦
Thank you Eric and @Alisa
Just sinking in cozy couch with hot water bottles. Had the courage to cook some easy dinner.
Will be finished in a few minutes.
Will keep the post to remind everybody that itās okay not to be okay!
Love 
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Day 6
Today has been ok. I worked a long day today and went and picked up some Wellies (boots) for my son ready for a visit to my parents (his grandparents) and a nice walk in the woods this weekend.
Work has been really busy and Iāve felt that there is a lot of stuff whirling around in my mind, but that feels more like a lack of organisation and structure to things. I started to feel overwhelmed tonight by the things that I had agreed to, things that could happen, or might happen. Instead of being triggered I broke out a pad and pen and got things down on paper. Got organised which has helped a lot.
Another day, another positive step. This is what I am focusing on. The positive actions I can do to change my behaviours.
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