My ex husband has been a toxic person too. He tried a long time to contact me. He send me letters, called under new numbers, tried to force me to come to him. He kept also a lot of money which belonged to me only.
It ended after I payed a lawyer to write a letter. I have told her about the violence and everything. This has costs me 200€.
Since that time I never heard anything
Because it I have been somehow addicted to him for 8 years, 4 years of marriage, I flighted hard to leave him.
I joined a online group made only for this. They gave me tips, to “rehab”.
Finally I made it out and my life is peaceful. Unfortunately I tried to numb my sorrows with wine. But this is another story, that’s why I am here.
Thank you so much for understanding Joyce.
It was “just” a year of on.off hot.cold emotional abusive friendship plus thing… But I was absolutely codependent.
He was manipulating me so much, that I thought I had a personality disorder! Even had a long test in a clinic for that. Result was negative and the therapist warned me from this person and recommended to quit!
As I was also not able to get sober while being in contact with him and had several physical and emotional symptoms… I finally ended!
92 days ago.
At the moment I am in an open topic live therapy group, but I informed about a CoDa online group to join maybe next year. I am aware about having still patterns that are disfunctional.
Juli this is what this type of person does.
My daughters dad is exactly how you and @Joyce19 have explained.
My daughters dad i wont go into all the details it would just depress us all but he tried to make me think i had early onset dementia… it was only when i caught him doing the things.
For example taking stuff out the fridge putting it on the side and id be standing there like im sure i put that away, turning lights on and off, moving things and hiding them and i honestly was researching early dementia until i caught him doing it and i pretended i didnt see and said im sure I already done that and he said no you didnt and then i knew. And i noticed it was only when he was around.
He was very abusive and still is, we are not together for over 11 years but he still controlled my life all that time. We dont see eachother anymore.
There are so many good men out there too but with the narcissists and abusive men we dont realise until its too late!!
The stuff after years of abuse i thought was normal is shocking.
But we are safe now and we will be okay as you mention Juli self care and self love for ourselves and someone will pop into our lives that is right.
Im so lonely i get so tempted to meet someone but i know im better by myself atm. Concentrate on myself and my own perception of my self image not what i have told i was which was ugly and worthless.
I know better now. And i have faith that the right person will come at the right time and all i have to do is love myself and take care of myself so when they do come along im content and happy with myself so i dont need to seek approval because i know deeply in my heart who i am and no one can make me feel any less - this is a working progress and im far from that but its a journey.
Im so glad your okay and safe now and you took your control for you life back
I didnt drink until i met him, everyday drinking thats where my drinking problem started - i dont blame him as he wasnt holding my mouth open and pouring it in that was all me but the situation and emotional and physical abuse was easier to deal with drunk and numb.
Day 406 checking in
Today i am going to give myself the job of going through my wardrobe and donating what is not used or needed.
Usually when i do this i feel i have to wash everything fresh when it already is so im going to skip part as it looks a small job until its all pulled out .
I really want to put my xmas tree up and wrap the presents and everything but im going to hold off until December.
And all the jobs i feel like need doing im going to do each daily as usually id set this big unrealistic goal of trying to do it all in one day before the tree can go up.
So pacing myself and then it gives me stuff to keep busy with each week.
Its not alot of stuff but my house is very small so everything has to have a place.
Dusting needs doing too so the day i do put the tree up iv done all the big jobs already instead of overwhelming myself for no reason.
The back tooth i had pulled is almost closed totally and its healed so well but im holding off swimming until its completely closed just to ward of any infection. But i really want to go so much.
So my plan for today is
Wardobe.
Take clothes to donate.
Cook one of my favourite meals whoch il post in the foodies thread this evening.
When i donate the clothes sadly there is a secondary school just 2 minutes from my home and for the past 2 years an elderly couple who have clearly seen and been through nothing a human should ever have to have been through it and are homeless.
They sleep under the shelter part everynight and i always take them food and any clothes that would help them so they will be first i donate to and il walk them this evening to them with a hot meal.
It makes me cry every time when i see them especially in the winter and that they are my parents age i just cant walk past and not help when im able. And at night knowing 5 houses down by the school there freezing unsafe on the streets and im in a warm bed.
So il be buying some extra duvets and sleeping bags and socks as there stuff gets ruined in wet weather.
Anyway yes so thats the motivation to go through the clothes.
Anyway im rambling on now have a lovely day all
Day 7 (it won’t really be a week until this evening). Woke with a bad headache and I’m super irritable. I just want to crawl back into bed. But I need to have a productive day at work today. I’ve gotten behind at work and it’s really overwhelming. I just wish I didn’t wake up feeling like shit every morning. When I continue to feel bad, it makes it hard to stay sober. But I won’t drink today.
Been to the office. Nobody there, my first little project for integration is almost done. Quit common to still work from home. Normally it would have bothered me. Now quit relaxed under it. Went for a early walk through the city (Maastricht). Used to study, work and live there a while ago. Became a trip through memory lane. Always loved the feeling of a city getting to life. Same feeling as I worked in a hotel/restaurant while studying in the city I live now and had the early shift. The walk brought back some memories good and bad. Kind of got wasted in a lot of the cities bars. It is known as a burgundy city, which is basically an excuse to enjoy good food but also a lot of drinks accompanying it. Walked past the University where I studied and have worked as a lecturer later on. My body reacted a bit. Working on my trauma, I knew it was a trauma respons. It was really a great time, but also a time in which my alcohol consumption increased. Looking back it had a lot to to with being judged/evaluated after courses by the students. I had good evaluations, but couldn’t deal with if some were negative. Of course rationally it is not strange since I had 50-100 students each semester. But it kind of hit me hard if some didn’t like me. Continued the walk back to the office, fine tuned some things on the project and went home (I work 3 times 2 hours now). It is nice weather for doing some chores and go for another walk.
I appreciate that. His teacher said the same thing you did about testing boundaries and i think u both are right. Thank you for your comforting words. I feel like im a good mom but like i said, i feel like im also practicing things that im teaching him. I just want him to have the skills to manage emotions and to work thru things in healthy ways. I want to show him all the things that i needed to be shown as a child. I often think back to my dad who was unemotionally available. My feelings never felt validated with him. So today I make a huge effort to tell my son that its okay to cry or be mad. I make sure to validate his feelings and give him that time to express himself. Its what we do with these feelings that make the difference Hope youre doing well today
Good sober Blessed morning all, yes especially you.
Plan for this sober Day, is as follows:
“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”
“Let go, or be dragged.”
“Love is the absence of judgment.”
“As a bee gathering nectar does not harm or disturb the color and fragrance of the flower; so do the wise move through the world.”
“When I feel like dancing, I dance. I don’t care if anyone else is dancing or if everyone else is laughing at me. I dance.”
PEACE
Morning Check in Day 270
Today is payday for me. Woke up feeling good bcuz im doing some xmas shopping today. Also gave more $$ to go towards one of my debts. So slowly paying that off. 4 or 5 more payments should take care of my debt to this 1 person. Paid some bills also. Feels good to adult honestly.
Now to get my boy ready for school and then off to xmas shop. Will be doing a workout in the afternoon. Along with the usual apartment cleaning.
Hope everyone has an addiction free AND happy day!
I stopped at my local coffee shop before heading to work and had a free coffee reward which i was not expecting so that was a nice start to the day.
I needed that. I work at an animal control/shelter and we do not have one single kennel open this morning. Jam packed. If you know someone that works at a shelter or rescue please make sure they are okay They might need a hug.
For me honesty has helped me a lot. I feel much better, of course there’s still things I keep to myself that I’m not yet ready to be open about. Took me soooo long to accept I have a problem. Sometimes I still question myself since I’m a “functional addict” so that list helps. And I also have a list of all the bad things that happened under the influence. That helps when I start thinking of the “good ol fun days” like na those weren’t good times at all. I hope all this help, I’m very new to this so I’m sharing what other have shared with me and has helped. Have a wonderful day, sending hugs!
I had terrible dreams last night and woke up in a nasty mood and with a headache. So I started my morning off pondering over and making a gratitude list. That seemed to kinda pull my mind away from the negative. I know there are a ton of things I’ve screwed up that I’m slowly working on fixing, but I really do have so much to be grateful for. Life could be completely different and so much worse.
I’ve been pretty busy the last couple of days at work and I’ve had a couple of people mention that I look like I’ve lost weight. (I haven’t, but it still felt good to hear it!) I really started thinking about how my clothes are fitting and how my face looks….it hit me that after 4 months I really can see a HUGE difference! I had gotten to the point that I was grossly bloated and swollen and my eyes stayed puffy and cloudy (if I’m honest, my eyes were more on the yellow side.) I’ve been focused way more on my mental health than aesthetics. But man, it did feel good to have this realization yesterday! Looking back at pictures was both horrifying and amazing!
I’m reading of so many people struggling right now. It’s difficult for me to keep up and reply to every post that I’d like to. Just know that if you’re one that is having a hard time and reading this, I can almost certainly relate. And even though I may be one of the quiet ones, you can always message me and I’ll do whatever I can to help talk you through things.
I’m not going to drink today. I hope you don’t either.
Hey guys,
Haven’t been around as much but have been trying to catch up on the posts on this thread. I should try not to get so far behind!
I’m sorry for missing so much, but here I am and still Alcohol free for 70 days!!!
That is the longest ive gone in ten years without one sip of alcohol.
I feel sooooooo much better!
I still struggle with some anxiety and blue moods from time to time, but it’s way easier to deal with without any liquid poison in my system.
I didn’t think id ever make it past day 3 again, and honestly I would not have if it weren’t for you guys♥️
but he tried to make me think i had early onset dementia… it was only when i caught him doing the things.
.
Hope youre doing well today 
Morning Check in 
They might need a hug.
