Checking in day 69. Had a rough night at work last night- just intense cases, and then was woken up early by a phone call since I was on call. Definitely tired- hasn’t been the best week between not feeling well and what not. But it’s such a great reminder that even at my most tired, I feel so much better than I ever did hungover. Still no desire to drink thankfully.
So far taking it easy this morning and listening to some pods. I’ve been away from the gym for 2 days and can feel that in my mental state (mostly heightened anxiety), so I am committing to doing some exercise today- hopefully the gym, but something less intense if needed just to move.
Happy sober Saturday my friends! Wishing you all a great weekend.
Had a late breakfast with some friends then meet with a contractor looking for side work on weekends.
I don’t really like working on weekends but at this point I need to keep busy so I’m happy for the opportunity.
Although I am grateful for all my days sober I’m starting to run out of things to keep me busy. Im so used to my drinking taking up a major part of each day I’m finding it hard to keep busy and keep my mind off alcohol. I guess this is the start of the real work cause the honeymoon stage is definitely over!
One more day until 14 days….man this has been so hard. Being around non addicts, has only made me want to isolate even more. It feels like I’m existing with these folks, yet I’m not on the same planet they are. I think I’m going to try and do a meeting today, maybe finally let it be known I need a sponsor, and do my best to keep my sobriety going. One day, just today. I can do this.
Oh sweetheart! I am so sorry to read you struggled so hard yesterday! It does sound like grief but also a great deal of anger towards yourself. You need to grab hold of that poor, lonely, addicted, younger version of you and give her a big hug and tell her you forgive her. For every way she chose to cover up the hurt and trauma she faced. And then look at who she became and be so freaking proud. You are an amazing human with a truly profound amount of love and empathy for others. You are a gift to all those around you because you have endured so much yet you have not let it destroy you. Instead you turned it into a sourse of power that you now pass on to others. You came face to face with the horror of your past yesterday and it deeply effected you. And you didnt fall. You felt enormous, trauma filled emotions but you didnt give in to the misery and pain of it all. You sat in that pain and you endured. You are magnificent Dana. I am so proud of you. And i am so grateful you are in the world
Checking in because i got invited to have wine and charcuterie at my neighbors tonight.
Ill admit my mind seriously considered just going over and having a glass. Its social, its occasional, its a special occasion and I dont work tomorrow and im an adult! Why shouldnt i?
see the delusion there? Opportunism is how a lot of people get hurt.
Im gonna go though, i am confident that ill be able to not drink. Havent used cbd in a while but i do have a cbd chocolate i might enjoy instead. Or maybe not, maybe ill save that for another time and just enjoy the fruit and cheese.
I dont want to mess up a year sober. A big turning point in my process is understanding that if i said yes to the wine for the above reasons, its 100% easier to justify buying some wine, or accepting a beer from my roommates, for all of those reasons. It will spiral and nothing good will come of it, knowing me.
I like that I was on time every day for 2 weeks. I like that I care, not for the evil managements sake but for the ease of my day and respect for my coworkers.
Hello sober friends and good morning to all on Day 47 alcohol free
I am cuddled up on the lounge with Sadie (my boxer) and it is 530am. The sun has began to rise and I am feeling a lot better than I did last night. I struggled so much with the desire to drink last night that the only way I could deal with it was to go to bed. The problem with that was my 8 year old daughter would not let me sleep. She got scared from the rain so wanted to jump in bed with me so I let her. Then she wouldn’t settle down and sleep so I began to get frustrated because all I wanted to do was go to sleep and escape. She would not allow me to sleep and it ended in me absolutely losing my package and yelling at her. She of course lost her package and began to cry. At first I was so angry at her for not letting me sleep that I didnt realise how horriblly I had treated her as she stood beside the bed crying. Then I realised and took her in my arms and apologised and cried too. I was so ashamed. I cuddled her in bed until we both went to sleep. I dont know why I act like that. I have woken today feeling so disgusted and disappointed with myself. I was so wrapped up in my own misery that I did not give Stella what she needed in that moment which was patience and comfort. I will try better today and give her what she needs emotionally from me. I am planning on taking her to buy some craft supplies later today which will make her very happy as she loves all things arty crafty.
I also have some study to finish off today and have planned on washing the bedsheets. I am hoping this evening is a lot easier than last night.
Have a beautiful day guys. Love and support to you all.
@LAB sending strength @HBT congrats on 2 weeks @Cjp congrats on your first amends @Laurielee welcome congrats on 4 days @Pallbearer that sounds tough, sending strength @onthewagon31 congrats on 200 days
824 days no alcohol.
289 days no cocaine.
Feeling shame over eating crisps, ice cream, and sweets, I was doing so well and now my cravings are already immense for more.
Finished Peaky Blinders, what next? Maybe The Umbrella Academy latest season.
Had a nice 2000m swim and a nice talk to a girl (and her boy) I know from swimming in a break.
There were other sporty guys on the lane, challenging each other and having lots of fun.
Warm long shower afterwards.
Feeling lonely is still ongoing.
Thoughts tonight …
We really have to love ourselfs,
this is the relationship of our life!
And if we are not that good in it,
we have to practice every single day.
Taking care of ourselfs, being kind,
being our very best friend, give us treats and being veeeery good to ourselfs, as often as possible.
We are worth it!
Hi
I hope the swim helped, loneliness feels horrible and for me and many others it can bring on alot of other unwanted feelings with it, the swimming definitely helps me with this.
Also going to meetings helps too just to have some human interaction, sometimes just face timing my cousin and hearing her voice helps bring me back to normality.
I hope your doing bit better after your swim Juli.
I missed checking in yesterday because I went straight from work, picked up my son and drove up to my parents through the rush hour traffic. It was a 2 1/2 hr drive and I was pretty exhausted by the time I got here.
The reason I mention this is because I tend to feel guilty for not doing something. Even when I haven’t committed to do it for anyone else other than myself. I think at heart I want to say yes to things as I think it will make other people happy and like me. Not necessarily in posting but in lots of aspects of my life. It is a behaviour I have noticed and one that is a symptom of having so much of my life being dominated by low self worth and low self esteem.
The good news (for me) is that that empty feeling I used to have inside of me, where all the self love should have been has nearly gone. It is just these patterns of behaviour, that are so ingrained that remain.
Since the last reset I want to talk about my actions rather than just talk about what I would like to do. I have spent time with my mum and dad this weekend as well as my son and my nephew.
I had a brother who disappeared about 6 years ago. He was a gambling addict and he left his son (my nephew) and his partner and disappeared, never to be seen again, no one knows if he is alive or dead, the trail went cold years ago. The scars are there for all of us who remain. But this visit has been very cathartic. Lots of talking, lots of openness. It’s never really something you get over but it’s been great to keep talking it out.
It’s been a bit of a ramble today but this is just what has come to mind. I feel good, I feel grounded. On to the next one.
Day 11 alcohol free.I feel so much better & no hangover is a plus.figure I would check in with the community.Hope everyone is staying sober we got this fam!! Enjoy the weekend!
see the delusion there? Opportunism is how a lot of people get hurt.
congrats on 4 days 
